As I was standing in the check out line resisting the urge to  buy the M&M’s that were 3 for $5.00, all the beauty magazines caught my eye. “101 ways to achieve the perfect pout”, “Top ten helpful hints to get rid of crows feet”, “How to make him melt with just a look” were some of the captions I read, which got me to thinking, no wonder everyday I have women come into my shop thinking they know more than I do about products. Forget that I have been in the biz over 13 years and have been to every Product Knowledge class known to man, the gossip bible they refer to on a weekly basis told them that using coconut oil with their flat iron will make their hair shine! Yes, it will, and it will still be shiny as it breaks off and falls to the ground.

Now ladies and gents, no offense implied, but come on…you are taking advice from the same magazine that said that Elvis is alive and well and working at the 7-11. In honour of the “lists” out there, I have compiled a list of my own, call it a “how to not look like an ass at the Salon” list. Feel free to share it with your friends. (Some of these I know you have already heard from me. I am a firm believer that if you hear or read something enough you remember it).

1 – When you enter a store and the salesperson says “Hello”, say “Hello!” back, do not answer their greeting with “just looking” or “What did you say?” or a wave of your arm or the all time favorite, absolute silence.

2 – When you are asking for help, tell the salesperson what it is you are looking for, today. We do not need to know the life story of your issues with hairspray dating back to the horrific sock hop of ’57.

3 – Once you have asked a question, please let us answer you. Don’t speak over us or try to guess at what we are about to say. This isn’t a game show and there isn’t a free prize waiting behind door #1 for you if you guess what I am about to say.

4 – Be polite for gosh sake’s. Please and Thank you go a long way. Hell, I would even take a “peace out” when I tell my customers to take care as they leave the shop.

5 – Before you are about to lose it because the nail polish you so desperately need is discontinued, look at the birth date on your identification – if the date is earlier than 2007, you are over 5 years old and no longer allowed to throw a temper tantrum in public, you can save that crazy for your family, thank you.

6 – If you have small children that you cannot or will not control, bring along another adult or leave the children at home. Call me old fashioned, but there is a time and place for children and that time and place is not my shop if you are not going to make sure they behave or allow me to make sure they behave. They may be cute now but one day they will be an adult and an adult opening up all the containers and dropping product on the ground isn’t cute.

7 – When you are getting your hair done, let your stylist know if you didn’t like what he/she did with your hair on your last visit. If you don’t tell them they will do it again. If they don’t know you don’t like it, it isn’t very fair of you to get mad now is it? (refer to tip #5).

8 – Can’t make your appointment? Please call and cancel or call and re-schedule. First and foremost, at least at our Salon, if someone doesn’t come in for their appointment, we worry if they are alright. I know…can you believe it? It’s true. We actually care about our clients and their well being. Another reason to call is more often than not there are other clients waiting for an appointment. You would want first dibs on a appointment wouldn’t you? Well then…

9 – When we ask you questions, like if you are on any medication or if there has been any major health issues, we are not asking so we can tweet it on twitter or post it on facebook. We are asking because medications and stresses can alter the hair and how it takes color and other chemical services.

10 – I cannot stress this enough, do not throw the flat iron. Don’t do it. Don’t. Do not.

Don’t get me wrong, I know there are beautiful and wonderful and kind customers out there, most of the customers I see everyday are funny and kind and I look forward to seeing them every visit. I know that most of the time customers are rude or stand offish because they haven’t been getting any customer service of any kind and their questions have remained unanswered. This list is more catered to those among us that are mad at the run in our pantyhose, mad at our husband’s because they forgot our anniversary, mad because Oprah isn’t on everyday and you no longer have “AHA” moments. Well my lovelies, read the above list and consider it your “AHA” moment for today.