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Tales of Truth – Part 7

Yep…you read it right…part 7. I’m telling ya, between the February “blahs”, the snow and grey days and the full moon, do I have some tales for you. I find myself wondering if my readers are beginning to send these people into my shop to see if I will either write about their escapades or to see if I will finally snap. As I have stated before, these tales are based on true events (sad…but true).

– A woman came in looking for a new shampoo and conditioner for fine hair. She had tried Joico’s Body Luxe, Matrix’s Total Results Amplify and KMS Add Volume and wanted something new. I showed her the Redken Body Full which is formulated for baby fine hair. She took the bottles in hand and then asked me “this conditioner says light, does that mean it is diet?”. …I am afraid I may let some of you down for I had a hard time stifling the giggle in my voice as I explained that “light” meant it wouldn’t weigh down her hair. (I sounded like Mickey Mouse for a moment…not one of my proudest moments but come on….diet conditioner?)

– A woman came in asking what I could sell her to make her roots not grow out so fast….enough said.

– From time to time I will order in a product that we don’t normally stock in the shop, so I take the customer’s name and number so I can call them when the order arrives. I called one woman to let her know her product arrived and was asked how I got her number.

– There is the sound of chatter and blow dryers and you can see women leaving with their hair beautifully coiffed…a woman comes up to the front counter with her hairspray, stands beside our Salon price list and says “do you have a Salon?” – happens at least 4 times a week…every week.

– The phone rings. I answer with my usual happy greeting. “Do you sell sinks?” is what I am asked. I let the gentleman on the other end of the phone know that we are a retailer and we   sell hair & nail products, to which he says “Yeah…so do you sell sinks?”. I let him know that he needs to get in touch with a wholesaler and even give him a number to call. The phone is dead silent except for a few heavy breaths, then he says “So, you don’t sell sinks then?”.

– A woman complained that her firm hold hairspray had too good of a hold. I asked her if she found it too sticky, or too hard, or if it felt crunchy. She said “No, it’s none of those. It just holds too good.”. – couldn’t help but wonder…does she complain that the Charmin is too squeezable?

– I would not suggest using your 30 Volume peroxide on household injuries or cuts…you don’t want to know.

– Every month we have a monthly draw. We have a sign and ballots right beside the product that is the monthly draw. Every day, at least 20 times a day, I hear “What’s your monthly draw?”…seriously…did hooked on phonics work for anyone?

 

 

 

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Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

It has been over a week since my last post. As you know, I am a manager of a glorious salon/shop, a mother of a girl on the verge of 16, a wife, a blogger (hey I missed a week…ease up), and a gal who is slowly but surely embarking on yet another path – retail/salon consultant….oh, and I love to bake tasty treats. Some people see that as busy or over loaded, I see it as life, my life. The past week has been overloaded. I am not getting into details because quite honestly, what’s done is done and there is nothing I can do to change it, I can just deal with the here and now. Nope…you can keep asking…not gonna get into it.

I realized this morning as I told my hairspray to “screw off” because it wasn’t spraying properly, that I had to take a step back and take a moment for me. A moment that didn’t include cooking, cleaning or looking after anyone else. I have written of this before and will continue to write about it, as women, we forget about ourselves. We put everyone else first, put ourselves last and then blame everyone else. Yeah, I said it. You know it’s true. Think about it…how many times have you looked at the kitchen floor at the end of the day and thought “I am the ONLY one who will sweep this floor!”, you don’t ask for someone else to help, you sweep the floor and then proceed to tell everyone in your household “Nothing” when they ask what is the matter. Then your poor hubby asks if you picked up the dry cleaning and you answer with a sarcastic tone, an argument ensues, you end up crying with mascara running down your face and snot hanging from your nose stammering out “I…never…get…any…help!” as your family waits for your head to spin around. Trust me, in the past (month)I have been that woman and am trying with all my might to not be her. It isn’t fair to your family. Most importantly, it isn’t fair to you. To save your family and yourself some grief and to save a call to your local Archdiocese, check out the following little list;

 

– If you want to go out for dinner – tell your hubby that you want to out for dinner. He is not Timmy and you are not Lassie “what’s that girl? You want to go out for dinner?”

– If you want to change your hair color to a certain shade of red, tell your stylist. Bring a picture of the exact color you want. Sitting in their chair hoping they remember the shade of the red M&M but a little deeper red ain’t gonna cut it.

– If you are not happy with the cut your stylist is giving you, tell them. If you sit there and smile and say you love it, they are going to keep giving you the same style. I am all for positive thinking but sitting in the chair and using “the Secret” to attract the style you want won’t work. It won’t.

– If you want to go out with your girlfriend for coffee, call her up and ask. Sitting around complaining that no one ever calls you makes you, well 13 years old.

– If you need help around the house, ask for it. Chanting “Cinderella, Cinderella…all day long it’s Cinderella” may not insure aid.

– If you want your gent to bring you flowers, tell him. NICELY. Having Diamond & Streisand playing “you don’t bring me flowers” on repeat every time he crosses the threshold is a little over the top.

No one can help you if you don’t tell them you need help. No one knows what you need unless you tell them what you need. A baby will cry at everything you give them until you give them the thing they want for Christ’s sake, so I think you can ask for someone to sweep the floor. Home and family should be one of the most beautiful things in your life, why ugly it up with shoulda’s, coulda’s and woulda’s?

 

 

 

 

 

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Would you be your valentine?

It’s February 11th. T minus 3 days until the big day…Valentine’s day. On the radio, at the shop, in the express check out line at the grocery store I hear the same things “He better not forget my favorite chocolate!”, “I better be getting the biggest bottle of Moroccanoil money can buy!”, “If he knows what is good for him I will get a spa package for Valentine’s day!”. Besides getting to be a witness to this ugliness I also got to see a sad, sorry sight…a terrified grown man holding two stuffed bears…most likely terrified because he knew if he didn’t come home with the right gift on Valentine’s day, it may very well be his last Valentine’s day. Quite honestly, if that is how the relationship works, his better half is lucky he is coming home at all. Yeah, I said it.

As you know, from time to time I tell a tale not of Salon ideals or product knowledge but of what goes through my mind, my opinions, take ’em or leave ’em. Today is such a day with such a tale. So many people wait for February 14th. to shower their loved ones with gifts, compliments and love instead of doing it everyday. We put way too much pressure on ourselves and our relationship’s because of a date on the calender.

Here’s an idea…how about we try to have a little Valentine’s everyday. Oh calm down ladies. I am not saying you need to be in a teddy and 6 inch stiletto’s waiting at the door with a martini, but a compliment or a thank you for taking out the trash might be nice…not just for your better half, but for yourself as well. As for the gents, I am not saying you need to bring home flowers every week, but a kiss hello and goodbye everyday would be lovely, again, not just for your better half, but for yourself as well. If one of you ain’t happy…nobody’s happy.

I have quoted Ms. Angelou before and will continue to say it, you teach people how to treat you. Ladies…if you want your gent to get you your favorite chocolates and a spa day…try not making him recite on a daily basis a list of your favorite chocolates and spa services. How about you try being nice. Remember Nellie Oleson? Yeah…she didn’t get what she wanted until she was…NICE. (you know….Percival came to save the restaurant and….oh, go rent the DVD.). As for the gents in the house…if you want your wife to spice up the bedroom attire…telling her that the bra and pantie set you bought her looked great on “Destiny” at the “club” probably isn’t the best compliment. I know you think it is. Trust me…it’s not.

Hug one another every day. Kiss each other hello and goodbye every day. Say “I love you” when you leave the house for the day or before you put your head down each night. Compliment each other. If you criticize, try your best to be kind.- Ladies…if it is that time of the month…wait a day or two to criticize – yeah, I said it. You are not in the right frame of mind and you know it and honestly it just frightens our poor gents. *side note to the gents – if you know what is good for you – you will NEVER mention the above out loud.

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Alright….where’s the camera

Ever have one of those days that you find yourself looking over your shoulder, looking up and down in search of the camera crew and Suzanne Somers to jump out and say “Smile! You’re on candid camera!”. Today I was praying for such an exclamation that never came. Sad but true, the following tales are true and they all happened to yours truly today.

The phone rings. “Is it safe to get my hair colored?” is the question posed to me. “I’m sorry.” I say, “why do you ask if it is safe to get your hair colored?” to which she answers “I read in the paper that someone in Florida died while getting their hair colored!”. (10 bucks the “paper” started with an N and ended with an R)…by the way, it’s 9:40 a.m.. The shop has been open 10 minutes.

A woman comes into the shop with a can of hairspray. “I bought this here and it is defective!”. So I ask her what seems to be the issue with the hairspray. (from time to time aerosol cans don’t spray properly and we will gladly exchange them). “The issue is it sounds funny every time I use it.”. I shit you not people, it is what she said. So I take the can and spray it a few times and it sounds like hairspray being sprayed out of an aerosol can. I tell her “It is spraying evenly and not clogging up, I can’t see a defect with the product.” to which she says “well, I don’t like the sound it makes, maybe another will sound better”. …it’s 10:30 a.m..

A woman came in the store to tell me in great detail about how crappy her life is and how she can’t seem to get rid of the pesky rash she has “down there” ever since she had a brazilian wax….maybe I should re think the whole “how are you today” greeting….it’s 11:30 a.m.

I had a woman complain about having to pay retail prices when she is a hairdresser, so I offer the address to the wholesaler’s in our area and she proceeds to explain “well…I’m not really a hairdresser, I never got my license but I did go to school, but I never finished, but I still do hair, so I think I deserve wholesale prices”….that’s like saying you’re an E.R. doctor because you took first aid in the Girl Guides.

Last but certainly not least, a lovely couple came in about 20 minutes before closing. The woman told me she was looking for wax for hair removal. I showed her our selection and asked if she needed hard wax or cream wax. I never should have asked. It was at this moment that her Romeo was at her side and they explained,quite joyously that they prefer hard wax because they give each other brazilian waxes. Let’s add this to the ever growing list of things I really don’t need to know.

So there you have it, a glimpse into the daily happenings of That girl in the red coat. This is why I don’t watch much reality T.V., I get enough of it at work.

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Contents under pressure may explode

If you have ever held a can of hairspray in your hands, you have seen the warning label “contents under pressure may explode”. Over the past few weeks, I have run into many women that should have had (and read) the same warning label. Today’s tale is about easing up on yourself, and your loved ones…they can thank me later.

In these days of instant messaging and texting and minute to minute play by play status updates on Facebook and Twitter I know it is difficult for many to understand…I hope you are sitting down, sometimes, what you want will not always be there when you want it. I know…there there. It’s gonna be okay. Put your puffer away. Calm down. No need to bring on a stroke because the modem connection to the debit machine is slow and you have to wait….sniff….10 whole seconds. No need to stress out and cause yourself to lose your hair because your flat iron is on back order. If you are suffering from hair loss Nioxin is your answer…but I digress. There is no need to almost pull your child’s arm out of it’s socket and scream in their face because they are 2 years old and have been out all day listening to you complain that you cannot find the “right” shade of red nail polish and they don’t feel like walking anymore. Seriously….take a breath. Look around you. Do you have shoes? Are you wearing a coat? Do you own a cell phone? Have you eaten today? If you can answer yes to any of the above…you got it pretty good. Calm down.

Over the past few weeks;

– I have had a lady shake her curling iron in my face demanding I tell her why they don’t make the same model of curling iron (she bought it in 1987 – she had the receipt to prove it…I shit you not).

– I have heard women whine about their appointment needing to rescheduled because their stylist had to go to the funeral of her Aunt. (yep…they even tried complaining to me, seeing if I could get the stylist to come in before the funeral….yes….sorry to say, women like this exist).

– I have witnessed a woman break into a sweat over the debit machine redialing the modem connection. “Why is this taking so long?!? I have to get to the gym for Christ’s sakes!”. I told her it would be just a few more seconds to which she responded “You need a new machine!This one is crap!”. ….alrighty.

– I have the sweetest elderly couple that comes into the shop. They always come in for the Gehwol Herbal Bath – a lovely foot soak. The husband has some health issues and the foot soak makes him feel better so his wife likes to buy it for him. There were two boxes left so the couple bought them both. After they left a woman came up to the counter and asked if I had anymore of the Gehwol Herbal Bath. I told her no but I had more on order and delivery should be the following Monday. The woman got angry. I mean MAD. She actually accused the elderly couple of “hogging all the good stuff.”….Miss Congeniality ladies and gentlemen.

– From time to time the bar code changes on packaging and sometimes I miss it when unpacking the orders. When the bar code won’t scan, I can bring up a product list in the computer and select the product I am selling. I had a customer accuse me of looking up the product and taking my time on purpose because I knew she was on her lunch break… Wow.

We all have things to do and places to be. Every one’s time is just as important as everyone else’s. Take a breath. Choose your words and actions carefully – if you slip up and spew venom – apologize and mean it. Remember – contents under pressure may explode…and you never know where your shrapnel will land and the damage it may cause.