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Tales of Truth – the final edition

Well, here it is. The final edition of That Girl in the Red Coat’s Tales of Truth. I thought I had heard, seen and smelled (yes … smelled) it all. Over the past weeks, I have been proved wrong. With the full moon, a heat wave and news of the shop’s closure, it has been an interesting 2 weeks around the shop and I must say, I know for sure there is a higher power, because yours truly has been able to hold her tongue and keep it professional. So, gather ’round ladies and gents, boys and girls, for it is time for Tales of Truth.

  •  A woman came in looking for hard wax to do her own Brazilian wax at home…I guess she is really getting into representing the host of the summer Olympics. Anyway, as I showed her our selection, she asked me if instead of using a spatula to apply the wax, could she just use her fingers, like the last time. I asked her “The last time? I thought you said this was your first time?”. “Oh, it is. The place I go to, the girl says using her fingers was easier.”. I took a breath, swallowed the little bit of puke that came up and asked her if “her girl” wore gloves. “No. She just applied the wax, ripped, then put her finger back in the wax and did it again”. …..*THAT GIRL IN THE RED COAT tip – if your “wax girl” is using her fingers and double dipping with you, she is with everyone else. If you do not see gloves and a spatula….RUN!!!

 

  • Since the shop is closing, we have our products on sale. The signs say Everything on Sale. A woman came in and asked “Is everything on sale?”. “Yes, everything.”. She tilted her head to the side and said “So everything right? I’m not gonna get up to the counter and then you’ll pull the rug out from under me and charged me full pop on some things?”. I told her “That’s correct. Everything. No rug being pulled out.”. “Well, I’m gonna add up my total on my phone and it better match yours!”. …they matched.

 

  • A woman asked if she could return a product she bought a month ago and then buy it back with the new discount.

 

  • I was asked “Since you are closing, does this mean you won’t be open anymore?” …I am still trying to figure that one out.

 

  • A woman started to spray every hairspray she picked up. I let her know they weren’t testers. “What’s it matter? You’re closing anyways!”.

 

  • A woman came in for her hairspray. I let her know that unfortunately we had sold out of it and the owner was not ordering any more product. I shit you not, she leaned on the counter, turned her head to the side, spoke out of the side of her mouth and said “Listen, you order me 12. Sneak an order in. No one has to know. I’m good for it.”. …okay there Fredo.

 

  • We open at 9:30 a.m.. At 9:45 a.m. I hear the chirp of the Salon door and with it a shriek of “NO!!!!!!!” – so loud one of my stylist’s shut off her dryer and walked away from her client to see what the shouting was about. “You can’t close! You can’t! Where will I go now? You have ruined my whole day!!!!”. …and good morning to you as well.

 

  • “You’re not closing.” a woman said as she came in the shop. I told her the owner had decided to close. “No she didn’t. You’re not closing!”. It took 5 minutes to convince a woman that the shop was in fact closing.

 

  • A woman came up to the counter with her product and told me “I have a bone to pick with you! I was in last month and you said nothing about closing. You let me buy product at full price! I am not impressed!”. I let her know I understood her disappointment since I didn’t know a month ago either. …she stopped talking after that.

 

  • “Well, aren’t you just the most annoying thing today!” – what a woman said to me when she saw the shop is closing.

 

  • A woman came in, stared at me, stomped her feet, pouted then sat in the chair by the front door for 5 minutes staring at me without saying a word. (I know it was 5 minutes, because I timed it). When she finally stood she looked at me and said I was being unfair for closing the shop. I let her know the owner had decided to close and before I could explain why she told me “If you cared, you would have made her stay open. This is horrible. Now I have to drive further for my products!” …took every ounce of restraint to not say “time to get off your cross, someone needs the wood”

 

  • “Well, aren’t you shit out of luck. All you can do is this and now the shop is closing.” …just another gem bestowed on yours truly. …you would be happy to know I didn’t hold my tongue on this one and assured the woman that I was not just a girl standing in a shop.

 

  • As I rang through a women’s purchase, I told her the total and as she gave me the cash, she smirked and said “Shop’s closing huh. No job for you!”. …I know of the soup Nazi, guess she is the job Nazi.

 

  • “Where am I going to get my shampoo now?!” – something I hear at least 20 times a day. When I let them know they can check the local Salon’s “Can’t you call around to all the Salon’s for me?”….sometimes, there are no words.

Last but not least, the woman who flashed me her red bump riddled bikini line came in and said “Sorry to see you’re closing! Who’s gonna help me now? Who am I gonna show my issues to?!?”. …I…shit…you…not.

 

Tales of Truth

 

 

 

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Tales of Truth – the 23rd Edition

So here we are, at the 23rd. edition of That Girl in the Red Coat’s Tales of Truth. The past weeks have been, well, lets just say, interesting. The summer has arrived and with it the rising humidex and the lowering of common sense. So gather ’round ladies and gents, boys and girls for it is time for some Tales of Truth.

 

  • a woman came into the shop, came up to the counter and said “So, you do hair huh?”. I let her know that I personally do not, and offered to introduce her to one of our stylists. “So, you work here and don’t do hair huh?”. “That’s correct.” I told her I manage the shop and asked if I could help her with anything. She looked at me for a minute and then said “Yeah…where is the mailbox around here?”.

 

  • I was told my shop isn’t family friendly because I wouldn’t let a woman’s child try on the nail polishes that we have for sale. I was told that I should keep them out of children’s reach if I don’t want them touched.

 

  • A woman asked “Do you have toe nail files?”. I showed her our selection of emery boards and nail files. She sighed and looked perplexed. “Oh no! No toe nail files?!?”. It took me 5 minutes to convince a woman that she could use a nail file on her toenails, that nail files and emery boards can be used on finger nails and toe nails. “You promise nothing bad will happen?” she questioned. I assured her it will be fine. …I refrained from calling the authorities.

 

  • A woman asked me if the tweezers I sold were any good. I assured her that they were and that I actually own a pair. She asked me if I could get at those pesky hairs. I let her know that yes, even the shortest of eyebrow hair can be plucked with our tweezers. Then she asked “What about nipple hair?” …sweet baby Jesus, thankfully she didn’t feel the need to show me what she was talking about.

 

  • A woman was looking at our travel size display and sighing. I walked over and asked her if I could help her find something or if she had any questions. “No. I don’t know why I am looking at these. All they do is make me sad knowing I don’t travel.” ….oh my.

 

  • “Hey honey! You got any of those flat irons I could buy? Not for me. For my lady. A man like me don’t need these girly things” – Yep, said to yours truly as he adjusted himself, I shit you not.

 

  • I was asked if it was alright to use a travel size hair dryer at home…you know, because it is meant for travelling. …sigh

 

  • Last but not least…I was asked if shampoo would help hair…down there. (her words, not mine). You see, because it gets dry and itchy – HEY! If I gotta go through it, so do you. I told her it would be best to talk to her doctor about her south of the border issues as I searched for my hand sanitizer

 

Tales of Truth

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Tales of Truth – the 22nd Edition

So here we are. It’s Monday and those familiar with my blog know that Monday’s are my usually meant for my Monday Motivator – a review of a FAB! product to help you have a good hair day every Monday and everyday. Well Beauties, this Monday is going to be different. I usually come in contact with the “Full Mooners” the week leading up to the full moon. This past month, the days leading up to the full moon were calm and collected and I thought that I had been given a reprieve…well doesn’t the universe have a sense of humor. It wasn’t until after the peak our lunar pal that all hell broke loose. So gather ’round Ladies and Gents, boys and girls, for it is time for That Girl in the Red Coat’s Tales of Truth…the 22nd Edition…sigh.

A woman comes in to the shop with a list looking for “that gel” she likes. I ask her if she remembers the name brand of the gel she likes, to which she says “No. I don’t remember. That’s your job.”. I take the high road and apologize that I don’t remember all of my customers (over 2000, by the way) favorites. She sighs so I ask her if she had it written down on the list she brought with her. She looked at me and told me “I was nosey and shouldn’t be looking at other peoples things”.

A woman came into the shop, put her list on the counter, shoved it in my direction and said “I need all these products. Get them for me and I am in kind of a hurry.”. Last time I checked the Golden Arches weren’t above my head.

A woman came in with a list, I guess April was list month, asking if I sold Joico Firm Gel. I showed her our display and got one of the shelf for her. She held it in her hand and looked at me and asked “Why did you get me this?”. “I thought that’s what you asked for when you came in” I answered. She scowled at me and said “Why would I ask for a gel that I don’t want? I only asked if you sold it so I would be sure not to buy it!”. ….I dared not ask if she had the gel she wanted written on her list…don’t want to be “nosey”.

As I was giving back a woman her change from her purchase, she looked back at our Salon, watching the girls applying color to their clients and said “hmmm, so you guys do color huh?”. “The girls in the Salon do, yes. Would you like to make an appointment?” to which she said “So, you don’t do color?”. I let her know I manage the shop and take care of the retail/customer service aspect of the Salon to which she said “So, how do you explain that your hair is colored?”. …there are no words people, no words.

A woman came in looking to color her hair at home. She had dark roots and wanted to match up her blonde and didn’t want to spend money at the Salon. I let her know that color is a science, especially blonde and it would be best to go to her Salon. “Listen, I took science in high school and made my husband watch you tube video’s on how to make your hair blonde so how hard could it be?”. …I wonder if there was a prenup.

“I need a hairspray that has a smell my husband would like.” The woman couldn’t understand how I couldn’t know what that was.

A woman came in looking for emery boards and as I was walking her over to our selection, she asked if there were any testers she could use, because she really didn’t need one, she just wanted to get rid of the snag in her nail.

A woman came into the shop and as I was saying “Good Morning!”, I was told “I’m just looking”. After a few minutes I made eye contact with her and smiled at her. “I told you I was just looking!” then she stormed out.

A woman came in looking for wax for at home hair removal. I asked her what she would be needing the wax for. “Ummm, to get rid of my hair”, to which I answered “Yes. I need to know what hair on which part of your body, because some waxes are better than others for lets say, Brazilians, if that is what you are going to do”. It was at this point she actually lifted her leg up and pointed to her vagina and said “you mean rip out the hair down there?”. Yes, rip out the hair down there, exactly…thank god she was wearing pants. I know way too much about other women’s vagina’s in my town.

 

That Girl in the Red Coat

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Tales of Truth – The Holiday Editions

The retail Holiday season has officially begun. Tree’s are trimmed. Shelves are stocked. The all important Holiday hair appointment’s have been booked and confirmed. Holiday parties have been planned. Christmas carols are playing on every radio station (trust me, I checked). In my corner of the globe, even Mother Nature has joined in, and the snow has begun to fall. This year marks my 25th Holiday season in the retail/sales/customer service gig. Call it nostalgia, call it the Christmas Spirit, over the past couple of weeks, every so often, I found myself getting hopeful, even excited for the coming retail Holiday season. I found myself daydreaming  of the customers and I breaking out into joyous song and the Osmond’s entering stage right like in those variety shows in the 70’s. ….but as I know, and for those of you familiar with my Tales of Truth now know, it’s safe to say that the only thing entering stage right is a flying flat iron. …and that I should limit myself to only one Vodka & Tonic a night.

 

To be clear, I still love Christmas. I love the sights and sounds, decorating my tree and the memories each ornament stirs up. I love making my famous Sugar Cookies and delivering them to my friends and loved ones. The following events, and the events to come – of this I am sure, will not taint my Christmas Spirit….and a little help from my Smirnoff Santa. So, without further adieu, gather ’round Ladies and Gents, boys and girls. It’s time for That Girl in the Red Coat’s Tales of Truth!

  • The phone rings. As I answer with my standard greeting I am interrupted by “YEAH! Whatever! Do you have my hairspray in yet?”. I ask which hairspray it was she was looking for to which I was told “Well, you’re no help at all!” and she hung up.
  • A woman came into the shop looking to purchase Joico VeroColor hair color. I let her know that it is not retailed or sold to the public. It is a hair color line that has to purchased by a licensed stylist at the wholesaler. “Well, my old hairdresser would get it for me and I need some more!”. I explained that I could not purchase it for her nor could I sell it to her for the exact reason mentioned above. She asked to speak to a manager and I let her know, “That’s me!”. She stared at me for a minute and on her way out of the shop she told me “If you were any good at your job, you would break a rule now and then!”. …sigh
  • We have monthly draws every month. As a woman was filling out her ballot, she quipped “You never pick me!”. I giggled and said, “I try to.”. She put the pen down like a judge ruling with his gavel, sighed at me and said “this isn’t funny. I am not impressed that you haven’t chosen my name, after all this time!”. I apologized and told her I would try harder. She said “You better!”, grabbed her Shaper Plus and stomped out the door. …I gotta get a camera to prove this really happens
  • It took me 10 minutes to explain to a customer that Shampoo for curly hair will not make their straight hair curly. “but the bottle says curl enhancing, so it will give me curls, right?”. I explained that it meant if you already have curls that it will help to enhance them and give someone with curly hair more control of their curls. She stared at me for a minute, kept hold of the bottle, pouted and said “Well, I think it’s unfair that they false advertise.”.
  • A woman was looking for a certain shade of OPI nail polish. I let her know it was a discontinued shade. As she laughed, I was told that “there is no way YOU could know that!”. I brought out my latest OPI product listing, walked over to her and told her “Lets look at this together and maybe you can find a shade similar to the one you were looking for.” to which she informed me “How am I supposed to know the color I want, I just heard the name of the polish and thought it was fun. Who knows what color it is?!? Do you?!”.  ….it took everything in me not to say “there is no way I could know that!”.
  • One of the fantastic questions posed to me “Will this wax not rip off my skin, you know, around where my underwear is, like between my thighs?” – enough said.
That Girl in the Red Coat

That Girl in the Red Coat

 

 

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Tales of Truth – The 20th…yes…the 20th Edition

It’s July. It’s the week of the August long weekend.  A heat wave has hit my corner of the globe. The Humidex is on the rise. Combine all these events and you have the ingredients for a whole lot of crazy.  Oh…and there is a full moon upon us, it is to arrive on Friday. You see, the powers that be have bestowed not one, but two full moons this July. The second full moon is known as a Blue Moon. You know, I used to like that song. Now I feel the lyrics are mocking me… “Blue Moon, you saw me standing alone…”…I bet it did. Well Ladies and Gents, boys and girls, gather ‘ round for the 20th, yes, the 20th edition of That Girl in the Red Coat’s Tales of Truth.

– I hear the chirp of the shop’s door and the flip flop of the woman’s sandals. I look up from my invoice and greet her with my morning smile, wish her a good morning and ask if I can help her. “Yeah. I want my hair cut.”. I let her know that my stylists are booked for the day but we can make her an appointment for tomorrow. “Pfft. That’s not gonna do. Why the hell would you put this coupon in the paper for cheap haircuts if you can’t even take me now?!? I think that’s stupid and yous (her word…not mine) guys are liars! Whatcha think of that?!?!” to which I kindly let her know that our Salon didn’t put the coupon in the paper for “cheap haircuts” and that the Salon she was looking for was at the other end of the plaza. She looked at me for a minute, then flip flopped out the door.

– Every once in a while, yours truly is alone at the shop and every once in a while, nature calls. I put a sign on the door that states “Thank you for your patience. 🙂 Be back in 5 minutes”. Now, to be clear, I am usually back in 2 minutes. I lock the door because we are a retail shop too and if I am in the ‘loo with my knickers at my knees I can’t stop shoplifters. So, nature called. I went as fast as I possibly could for I could hear someone banging on the shop’s door. As I got closer to the door, the customer had no problem telling me how “F’in hot it is outside” and that it was unfair of me to make her wait 2 minutes. I apologized and let her know I was on my own and that I had to use the washroom. She told me I should work on my bladder skills. …is there a course for that?

– A woman asked me if there was anything she could do to make her hair more greasy. I told her if she didn’t wash her hair for a week it would probably get greasy. She told me she couldn’t go a week without washing her hair because that would be gross. ….wait for it…there you go.

– A woman told me I was making her lose her patience because I couldn’t remember the product she had bought  in the past from her stylist at another Salon. FYI – this was her description – “that stuff, that I like, you know, in the tube or a jar, I can’t remember, but it smells good and my husband liked it”. …even Dionne Warwick and her psychic friends are at a loss on this one.

– A gent complained that our debit machine was too slow. I apologized and let him know it would be a few more seconds. “I’m in a hurry you know!”. So I moved the candy dish over to him and offered him a candy to which he exclaimed “STARBURST! MY FAVORITE!” and then he began to tell me about his first time eating a Starburst, then his first job and then he told me why he was in town. …All I kept thinking was “I thought you were in a hurry…and please, please do not ask me about waxing your balls”.  – those of you who read my blog know of what I speak.

– This month we have litre duo’s on sale in the shop. A woman wanted to buy a duo for her whole family to use. She colors her hair so I showed her the Color Shampoo/Conditioner duo’s we have. “Oh, I can’t buy that. My kids don’t color their hair and if I buy that then I have to get them to start coloring their hair so they can use it too and I don’t want to have to do that.”.  *author’s note –  anyone and any hair type can use Color Shampoo and Conditioner, even if you don’t color your hair.

– I have been asked if I shave the side of my head and put a blue streak in my hair so people won’t look at the scar on my neck. By the way, the answer is NO.

– A customer came in looking for a new shampoo. She let me know she had decided to become a vegetarian and wanted to be sure that the products she uses are not tested on animals. A dog was barking as she was talking (we have a pet shop beside us, so we hear many barks, meows and chirps.). I introduced her to the SOMA line and the ONESTA line – certified Vegan and Cruelty Free. As I was ringing through her purchase, she was telling me how horrible it is that people mistreat animals, then she got in her car and I realized the barking stopped. Yep, Miss. Save the Animals had left her dog in the car while she shopped for her cruelty free products.

– A woman complained that the mousse I sold her was “crap and didn’t give her any volume or body” like I said it would. I asked her if she applied it to damp hair and used her blow dryer. “Yes. Just like you said.”. I asked her how she dried her hair and asked her to show me what she does with her brush and blow dryer (some people use a round brush but brush the hair down and end up guiding the hair straight instead of guiding it up and out from the root for volume). “How am I gonna do that? I don’t have my hair dryer here!” ….sigh

– A woman walked into the shop, saw me behind the counter helping a customer and asked me “Are you open?”

– A gent asked if the tweezers we sell can be used on any part of the body. I now know his wife doesn’t like hairy nipples. He didn’t specify whose were the issue…thank god.

This month I have been asked if I have been saved. I have been asked if I have found Jesus. I have been asked if I knew that I had a scar on my neck. I have been told that I was brave to think I could pull off having the side of my head shaved – think that one was meant as a compliment. I have been told about a nail fungus. I have been shown a nail fungus – took off their shoe and sock to show me. Oh! and a lovely lady let me know that Tea Tree Shampoo can makes things tingle “south of the border”.

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Tales of Truth – 19th Edition

Well, ladies and gents, boys and girls, the full moon has arrived and with it some amazing and dare I say, gruesome tales of truth. I have been in the retail/customer service gig for over 25 years and thought I had heard and seen it all. …well, I stand corrected.

– The phone rings, I answer with my standard greeting. “Are you open?” is what I am asked. “Yes. We are open.”. “So, you are open?”. “Yes, we are open 9:30 – 9:00 today.”. “So, if I come over there, you’ll be open, right?”.  ….sigh

– A woman came in asking if I still sell the Wet Brush (the BEST brush EVER for tangles…just sayin’). I let her know we do and walked her over to the display. “I use the Wet Brush on my dog. He loves it so much I want one too…but it can’t be green, because his is green and I don’t want him mistaking my brush for his.”.

– A woman came in looking for hair chalk. I showed her the Color Bug by Kevin Murphy and the Pigment Pencils by Joico Structure. I let her know that they are a temporary color and will wash out in one to two shampoo’s. “If it lasts until I wash it out, that isn’t very temporary – I only wash my hair once a week.”

– I now know that there is at least one man who uses travel size hair dryers because they are the perfect size to use “south of the border” ….his pun…not mine…did not need the visual.

– A woman came in demanding I only show her products that are not tested on animals. She was wearing leather sandals & carrying a leather tote (I used to run the Ladies dept. at a shoe store and I can spot leather shoes at 100 paces).

– A boy and his mother came in looking for hair chalk. As I was showing them my selection and explaining how to use it, the boy was interrupting his mother, being rude, hitting the display and even our plant. When we got to the counter, as I was ringing through the hair chalk purchase,(a purchase he did not deserve, in my opinion), the boy saw our OPI nail swatches and shouted “Hey! Are these fake nails?” to which I answered “Oh no. Those are the nails from little boys who are rude to their Mother’s in my shop.”. ….Have to admit…that was fun.

– Box color is not for “your box” …enough said.

– The hair dryers are blowing, all of my stylists have a client in their chair. The woman at the front counter says “Oh…so you have a Salon.”. “Yes we do, would you like to make an appointment?” I ask. “Is it a real Salon?” she asked. Before I answered, I reminded myself not to show it on my face, “I’m sorry. What do you mean by a real Salon?”. “Oh, you know. A real Salon – you hear about these fake ones that open then close like a day later. You can never be to careful!”. She has been buying her hairspray from me for 4 years. …I left it at that…I had nothing.

….and the Piece de Resistance…drum roll please…a middle aged woman came in – hey, I can say middle aged, I am going to be 43. So, a middle aged woman, wearing a micro mini corduroy skirt, I mean micro mini skirt came in looking for her color. I walked over to the shelf and helped her find it. I asked her if she had enough peroxide at home to which she said, “I better get some.”. As I bent down to get it for her, she bent down as well. Well ladies and gents, yours truly was visually assaulted for Miss. MicroMini was not wearing any underwear. Going commando. Sans gitch. If that Took. It. Out. Seinfeld episode was about a woman, Elaine would have said “Put. It. Out.”….oh…and she needed a trip to her esthetician… enough said.

 

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Tales of Truth – 18th edition

Gather ’round ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it is once again time for that girl in the red coat’s Tales of Truth. A full moon is not set to arrive for a few weeks so I cannot blame the following antics on our lunar companion. The warm weather is upon us and the humidex is on the rise, so that may be a factor, or maybe people have simply gone bat shit crazy.

 

– I was helping a woman select her shampoo when another woman came into the shop. I said hello and let her know I would be with her shortly. She told me “I’m just looking”. After I finished with my customer, I walked over to her and asked if she was finding what she was looking for to which I was told “I said I was just looking!”, so I went back to unpacking my orders. As she passed the counter I heard a sigh and turned to ask her if there was something she needed to which she told me “well, yes, there is, but no one is helping me so I am leaving.”.

– a woman called to ask me why I didn’t answer the phone at 8:00 a.m. when she called. I let her know the shop opens at 9:30 a.m. to which she said “you still haven’t answered my question”.

– a woman complained that the flat iron spray I suggested was “Shit and was ruining her hair, not protecting it”. *Educational tip – flat iron spray is to be applied to dry hair – not applied to the flat iron itself.

– A woman came into the shop asking if I could help her find the Goldwell shampoo she uses because she left her glasses at home. As I came from behind the counter to help her she let me know “please don’t mind the smell, I just had some moles burned off.”. …trust me…I wish I was making this shit up.

– A woman asked me if she could buy  the travel size hair dryer even if she doesn’t travel.

– “Do you sell toe nail polish?” – I am asked this more than you want to know

– I had another gentleman ask me if it was possible to wax his own balls – actually, he called them his “little buddies”. …Gilligan’s Island will never be the same for yours truly.

– A product I usually carry was out of stock. My customer wanted to know where else she could buy it. I didn’t know, but offered to give her the phone number of the shops I thought may carry her product. I was told “my customer service was for shit” because I wouldn’t call all the other shop’s in town for her to see if they had what she wanted.

– A couple came in asking about our hair trimmers. I showed them our selection of clippers and trimmers and let them know that the Wahl Peanut is our best seller. It is great for cutting, trimming and outlining. The woman turned to her gent and said “Look! A peanut to use on your peanut!”. …I need a raise.

 

Dad's laugh