Tales of Truth – The 20th…yes…the 20th Edition

It’s July. It’s the week of the August long weekend.  A heat wave has hit my corner of the globe. The Humidex is on the rise. Combine all these events and you have the ingredients for a whole lot of crazy.  Oh…and there is a full moon upon us, it is to arrive on Friday. You see, the powers that be have bestowed not one, but two full moons this July. The second full moon is known as a Blue Moon. You know, I used to like that song. Now I feel the lyrics are mocking me… “Blue Moon, you saw me standing alone…”…I bet it did. Well Ladies and Gents, boys and girls, gather ‘ round for the 20th, yes, the 20th edition of That Girl in the Red Coat’s Tales of Truth.

– I hear the chirp of the shop’s door and the flip flop of the woman’s sandals. I look up from my invoice and greet her with my morning smile, wish her a good morning and ask if I can help her. “Yeah. I want my hair cut.”. I let her know that my stylists are booked for the day but we can make her an appointment for tomorrow. “Pfft. That’s not gonna do. Why the hell would you put this coupon in the paper for cheap haircuts if you can’t even take me now?!? I think that’s stupid and yous (her word…not mine) guys are liars! Whatcha think of that?!?!” to which I kindly let her know that our Salon didn’t put the coupon in the paper for “cheap haircuts” and that the Salon she was looking for was at the other end of the plaza. She looked at me for a minute, then flip flopped out the door.

– Every once in a while, yours truly is alone at the shop and every once in a while, nature calls. I put a sign on the door that states “Thank you for your patience. 🙂 Be back in 5 minutes”. Now, to be clear, I am usually back in 2 minutes. I lock the door because we are a retail shop too and if I am in the ‘loo with my knickers at my knees I can’t stop shoplifters. So, nature called. I went as fast as I possibly could for I could hear someone banging on the shop’s door. As I got closer to the door, the customer had no problem telling me how “F’in hot it is outside” and that it was unfair of me to make her wait 2 minutes. I apologized and let her know I was on my own and that I had to use the washroom. She told me I should work on my bladder skills. …is there a course for that?

– A woman asked me if there was anything she could do to make her hair more greasy. I told her if she didn’t wash her hair for a week it would probably get greasy. She told me she couldn’t go a week without washing her hair because that would be gross. ….wait for it…there you go.

– A woman told me I was making her lose her patience because I couldn’t remember the product she had bought  in the past from her stylist at another Salon. FYI – this was her description – “that stuff, that I like, you know, in the tube or a jar, I can’t remember, but it smells good and my husband liked it”. …even Dionne Warwick and her psychic friends are at a loss on this one.

– A gent complained that our debit machine was too slow. I apologized and let him know it would be a few more seconds. “I’m in a hurry you know!”. So I moved the candy dish over to him and offered him a candy to which he exclaimed “STARBURST! MY FAVORITE!” and then he began to tell me about his first time eating a Starburst, then his first job and then he told me why he was in town. …All I kept thinking was “I thought you were in a hurry…and please, please do not ask me about waxing your balls”.  – those of you who read my blog know of what I speak.

– This month we have litre duo’s on sale in the shop. A woman wanted to buy a duo for her whole family to use. She colors her hair so I showed her the Color Shampoo/Conditioner duo’s we have. “Oh, I can’t buy that. My kids don’t color their hair and if I buy that then I have to get them to start coloring their hair so they can use it too and I don’t want to have to do that.”.  *author’s note –  anyone and any hair type can use Color Shampoo and Conditioner, even if you don’t color your hair.

– I have been asked if I shave the side of my head and put a blue streak in my hair so people won’t look at the scar on my neck. By the way, the answer is NO.

– A customer came in looking for a new shampoo. She let me know she had decided to become a vegetarian and wanted to be sure that the products she uses are not tested on animals. A dog was barking as she was talking (we have a pet shop beside us, so we hear many barks, meows and chirps.). I introduced her to the SOMA line and the ONESTA line – certified Vegan and Cruelty Free. As I was ringing through her purchase, she was telling me how horrible it is that people mistreat animals, then she got in her car and I realized the barking stopped. Yep, Miss. Save the Animals had left her dog in the car while she shopped for her cruelty free products.

– A woman complained that the mousse I sold her was “crap and didn’t give her any volume or body” like I said it would. I asked her if she applied it to damp hair and used her blow dryer. “Yes. Just like you said.”. I asked her how she dried her hair and asked her to show me what she does with her brush and blow dryer (some people use a round brush but brush the hair down and end up guiding the hair straight instead of guiding it up and out from the root for volume). “How am I gonna do that? I don’t have my hair dryer here!” ….sigh

– A woman walked into the shop, saw me behind the counter helping a customer and asked me “Are you open?”

– A gent asked if the tweezers we sell can be used on any part of the body. I now know his wife doesn’t like hairy nipples. He didn’t specify whose were the issue…thank god.

This month I have been asked if I have been saved. I have been asked if I have found Jesus. I have been asked if I knew that I had a scar on my neck. I have been told that I was brave to think I could pull off having the side of my head shaved – think that one was meant as a compliment. I have been told about a nail fungus. I have been shown a nail fungus – took off their shoe and sock to show me. Oh! and a lovely lady let me know that Tea Tree Shampoo can makes things tingle “south of the border”.

Dad's laugh

 

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