Beauty, health and wellness, lifestyle, Women

… not by the hair on my chinny chin chin

So it happened. There I was, applying my foundation, wondering if I should redeem my optimum points … my fellow Canadians will understand, and treat myself to Philosophy’s Renewed Hope in a Jar (my favorite face cream) when I saw it. Mocking me by peeking out behind my Beauty Blender. A hair. A thick, black hair. Standing out, proud and tall on my chin. I immediately grabbed one of the perks of your forties, a magnifying mirror, pulled it out from the wall to get a closer look, all the while convincing myself it was just a thread off my towel, my beige towel. Nope. No thread, no fuzzy, it was a hair. Shit.

As you know, I do my best to keep it real here. So here’s some reality for you. In your forties, not only does your hair change it’s texture, porosity and growth pattern, you also start to grow hair, everywhere…as I soon discovered after the new found chin hair. I put the FBI forensic lab unit to shame as I took to finding any other stray hairs. Needless to say, yours truly has invested in some tweezers. Sigh.

My discovery this morning got me to thinking of all the lovely surprises your forties bring to your door that no one ever talks about. Well, lets talk about it, shall we? In your forties;

  • hair begins to grow in places you didn’t realize had a follicle
  • your hair turns grey… all of your hair
  • one day you can strut in 4 inch stiletto heels, the very next day you cannot
  • at least once a week you feel another internal organ, just by getting out of chair
  • you are no longer silent when you bend down…hopefully the noise is a mild grunt or sigh. I work retail and have had the unfortunate witnessing of a different sound while a customer bent down, in front of me…I think you know what I mean
  • you wake up with a flat tummy, by 4 p.m. you may look like you are 5 months along
  • you begin to understand the attraction of sensible shoes
  • instead of reading clothing labels looking for “dry clean only”, you now read clothing labels looking for Lycra
  • your arms are too short …. you find yourself stretching your arms to their full extent just to read the expiry date on a carton of milk
  • you fear sneezing
  • you will spend hours, days, even weeks trying to find a piece of clothing that does make you look like your teenage daughter or your aging mother.
  • you find yourself thinking about how to go about giving yourself a pedicure, deciding how long it will take for a hip or knee to lock up
  • your idea of taking a risk is having coffee after 4 p.m.
  • you relate to and understand Archie Bunker

Don’t get me wrong, most of the forties are fabulous! I like to refer to my forties as returning to yourself. The person who was full of confidence and sass, believing she could do anything because the world hadn’t gotten to her yet and the idea that because I was a girl I was limited wasn’t even on the radar.  In your forties, your renewed confidence is combined with knowledge, depth and experience. In your forties, you begin to realize what’s important and not to sweat the small stuff.

…unless it’s a hair on your chin, then, you’re gonna sweat a little.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Tales of Truth – the 23rd Edition

So here we are, at the 23rd. edition of That Girl in the Red Coat’s Tales of Truth. The past weeks have been, well, lets just say, interesting. The summer has arrived and with it the rising humidex and the lowering of common sense. So gather ’round ladies and gents, boys and girls for it is time for some Tales of Truth.

 

  • a woman came into the shop, came up to the counter and said “So, you do hair huh?”. I let her know that I personally do not, and offered to introduce her to one of our stylists. “So, you work here and don’t do hair huh?”. “That’s correct.” I told her I manage the shop and asked if I could help her with anything. She looked at me for a minute and then said “Yeah…where is the mailbox around here?”.

 

  • I was told my shop isn’t family friendly because I wouldn’t let a woman’s child try on the nail polishes that we have for sale. I was told that I should keep them out of children’s reach if I don’t want them touched.

 

  • A woman asked “Do you have toe nail files?”. I showed her our selection of emery boards and nail files. She sighed and looked perplexed. “Oh no! No toe nail files?!?”. It took me 5 minutes to convince a woman that she could use a nail file on her toenails, that nail files and emery boards can be used on finger nails and toe nails. “You promise nothing bad will happen?” she questioned. I assured her it will be fine. …I refrained from calling the authorities.

 

  • A woman asked me if the tweezers I sold were any good. I assured her that they were and that I actually own a pair. She asked me if I could get at those pesky hairs. I let her know that yes, even the shortest of eyebrow hair can be plucked with our tweezers. Then she asked “What about nipple hair?” …sweet baby Jesus, thankfully she didn’t feel the need to show me what she was talking about.

 

  • A woman was looking at our travel size display and sighing. I walked over and asked her if I could help her find something or if she had any questions. “No. I don’t know why I am looking at these. All they do is make me sad knowing I don’t travel.” ….oh my.

 

  • “Hey honey! You got any of those flat irons I could buy? Not for me. For my lady. A man like me don’t need these girly things” – Yep, said to yours truly as he adjusted himself, I shit you not.

 

  • I was asked if it was alright to use a travel size hair dryer at home…you know, because it is meant for travelling. …sigh

 

  • Last but not least…I was asked if shampoo would help hair…down there. (her words, not mine). You see, because it gets dry and itchy – HEY! If I gotta go through it, so do you. I told her it would be best to talk to her doctor about her south of the border issues as I searched for my hand sanitizer

 

Tales of Truth

Beauty, Hair Care, That girl in the red coat, writing

Tales of Truth – The Holiday Editions

The past few hours have been quite strange. I usually don’t post from the shop but today has been weird and all our staff is off today and I gotta tell somebody. I have checked my calendar and I know that the full moon is set to arrive on the 25th., so my question is this… are the stars misaligned? Is the universe in retrograde? Did I miss the Facebook status that this year we are to share our Christmas crazy along with our cookies? Was there a tweet daring people to get their crazy on? Is the owner attempting her own version of “Smile! You are on candid camera!”. I am hoping that these people have heard of my Salon Tales and their Tales of Truth and are trying to get me to write about them. If this is the case, guess what buttercup!?! Today is your lucky day. You are getting your 15 minutes of fame.

9:20 a.m. – the phone rings. My standard greeting is interrupted by a woman telling me “Yeah. I left my debit card there yesterday.”. I let her know that no debit cards were left behind at our shop. All I hear is silence, then “Are you sure? ‘cuz yours was the last place I was yesterday.”. I let her know I check the till and our lost & found every day and there wasn’t anything left behind all weekend. “So, you’re telling me you don’t have my card.”. I let her know that is correct, I do not have your card. “You’re sure you don’t have it”. I told her I was sure to which she muffled “uh huh” and hung up on me. …by the way, the shop opens at 9;30 a.m..

9:35 a.m. – I am in the back room when I hear the chirp of the shop’s door. As I walk through our Salon to get the front of the shop a woman says “Oh good! You’re here! Cut my hair would ya?”. I let her know that I am the manager and the Salon was closed this morning. “How can it be closed? You just walked through it!”.

9:42 a.m. – A woman called to let me know the curling iron she bought is no longer heating up. I asked her if she still had the box and the receipt, she told me yes. I let her know to bring in the box, the receipt and the curling iron and I can exchange her defective curling iron for a new one. The phone fell silent. I said “Hello?”. “Yeah, I’m still here. I have to say, I am disappointed that I have to pack this up just to bring it to you. You know what? I will bring it all and you can pack it up!”. So I told her I would gladly help her out to which she said “Well, aren’t you a smart ass!”…..fa la la la la, la la la la.

10:15 a.m. …almost 35 minutes have passed, a little reprieve for your truly. A woman came in looking for hair clippers for her husband. I showed her our selection and their differences. She asked me which one would fit comfortably in her husband’s hand. I let her know that I didn’t know to which she got upset asking me “Why won’t anyone tell me what will feel comfortable in my husband’s hands!!!”. I looked at her for a minute, thought to myself, what the hell and told her “We don’t have his hands.”. She looked at me and said “I know that! He has his hands. You have yours! What’s that got to do with anything?!?”. …sigh

10:35 a.m. – A woman couldn’t understand why she couldn’t “try out” our tweezers. All I could think and hope wasn’t showing on my face was first of all, they are sealed in their packaging and second, uh…yuck.

10:50 a.m. – We sell hair & nose hair trimmers. Some models come with a detachable blade so the trimmer can be used on your bikini line. I was asked if it could be used to trim “you know…the hair on your buttocks.”. … I wanted the thank the customer for not referring to it as “ass crack hair”, as some have eloquently put it in the past.

12:36 p.m. – a few hours have passed and all my customers have been pleasant. I start to let my guard down. The phone rings. My greeting is once again interrupted by “Yeah. I called earlier. You’re sure you don’t have my debit card?!?!”. I let the woman know I am the manager and that yes, I am sure that I don’t have her card. I haven’t seen it. I don’t know where it is. “I came into your shop right after I bought vitamins in the health food shop beside yours! You were the last shop I was in! I think you have it and won’t give it back!”. It was then I let her know that we do not have a health food store beside us. All I heard was CLICK.

1:35 p.m. – a man came in asking if we had any shampoo for men. I let him know that all the shampoo I sell is for men and women and that most men tend to like KMS or American Crew. He asked to see the American Crew so I showed him our selection. I let him know he was welcome to open the lids and smell the products. He asked me which ones would help him “catch the ladies”.

….I need more coffee.

That Girl in the Red Coat