The past few hours have been quite strange. I usually don’t post from the shop but today has been weird and all our staff is off today and I gotta tell somebody. I have checked my calendar and I know that the full moon is set to arrive on the 25th., so my question is this… are the stars misaligned? Is the universe in retrograde? Did I miss the Facebook status that this year we are to share our Christmas crazy along with our cookies? Was there a tweet daring people to get their crazy on? Is the owner attempting her own version of “Smile! You are on candid camera!”. I am hoping that these people have heard of my Salon Tales and their Tales of Truth and are trying to get me to write about them. If this is the case, guess what buttercup!?! Today is your lucky day. You are getting your 15 minutes of fame.
9:20 a.m. – the phone rings. My standard greeting is interrupted by a woman telling me “Yeah. I left my debit card there yesterday.”. I let her know that no debit cards were left behind at our shop. All I hear is silence, then “Are you sure? ‘cuz yours was the last place I was yesterday.”. I let her know I check the till and our lost & found every day and there wasn’t anything left behind all weekend. “So, you’re telling me you don’t have my card.”. I let her know that is correct, I do not have your card. “You’re sure you don’t have it”. I told her I was sure to which she muffled “uh huh” and hung up on me. …by the way, the shop opens at 9;30 a.m..
9:35 a.m. – I am in the back room when I hear the chirp of the shop’s door. As I walk through our Salon to get the front of the shop a woman says “Oh good! You’re here! Cut my hair would ya?”. I let her know that I am the manager and the Salon was closed this morning. “How can it be closed? You just walked through it!”.
9:42 a.m. – A woman called to let me know the curling iron she bought is no longer heating up. I asked her if she still had the box and the receipt, she told me yes. I let her know to bring in the box, the receipt and the curling iron and I can exchange her defective curling iron for a new one. The phone fell silent. I said “Hello?”. “Yeah, I’m still here. I have to say, I am disappointed that I have to pack this up just to bring it to you. You know what? I will bring it all and you can pack it up!”. So I told her I would gladly help her out to which she said “Well, aren’t you a smart ass!”…..fa la la la la, la la la la.
10:15 a.m. …almost 35 minutes have passed, a little reprieve for your truly. A woman came in looking for hair clippers for her husband. I showed her our selection and their differences. She asked me which one would fit comfortably in her husband’s hand. I let her know that I didn’t know to which she got upset asking me “Why won’t anyone tell me what will feel comfortable in my husband’s hands!!!”. I looked at her for a minute, thought to myself, what the hell and told her “We don’t have his hands.”. She looked at me and said “I know that! He has his hands. You have yours! What’s that got to do with anything?!?”. …sigh
10:35 a.m. – A woman couldn’t understand why she couldn’t “try out” our tweezers. All I could think and hope wasn’t showing on my face was first of all, they are sealed in their packaging and second, uh…yuck.
10:50 a.m. – We sell hair & nose hair trimmers. Some models come with a detachable blade so the trimmer can be used on your bikini line. I was asked if it could be used to trim “you know…the hair on your buttocks.”. … I wanted the thank the customer for not referring to it as “ass crack hair”, as some have eloquently put it in the past.
12:36 p.m. – a few hours have passed and all my customers have been pleasant. I start to let my guard down. The phone rings. My greeting is once again interrupted by “Yeah. I called earlier. You’re sure you don’t have my debit card?!?!”. I let the woman know I am the manager and that yes, I am sure that I don’t have her card. I haven’t seen it. I don’t know where it is. “I came into your shop right after I bought vitamins in the health food shop beside yours! You were the last shop I was in! I think you have it and won’t give it back!”. It was then I let her know that we do not have a health food store beside us. All I heard was CLICK.
1:35 p.m. – a man came in asking if we had any shampoo for men. I let him know that all the shampoo I sell is for men and women and that most men tend to like KMS or American Crew. He asked to see the American Crew so I showed him our selection. I let him know he was welcome to open the lids and smell the products. He asked me which ones would help him “catch the ladies”.
….I need more coffee.