travel size hair dryer

So here we are, at the 23rd. edition of That Girl in the Red Coat’s Tales of Truth. The past weeks have been, well, lets just say, interesting. The summer has arrived and with it the rising humidex and the lowering of common sense. So gather ’round ladies and gents, boys and girls for it is time for some Tales of Truth.

a woman came into the shop, came up to the counter and said “So, you do hair huh?”. I let her know that I personally do not, and offered to introduce her to one of our stylists. “So, you work here and don’t do hair huh?”. “That’s correct.” I told her I manage the shop and asked if I could help her with anything. She looked at me for a minute and then said “Yeah…where is the mailbox around here?”.

I was told my shop isn’t family friendly because I wouldn’t let a woman’s child try on the nail polishes that we have for sale. I was told that I should keep them out of children’s reach if I don’t want them touched.

A woman asked “Do you have toe nail files?”. I showed her our selection of emery boards and nail files. She sighed and looked perplexed. “Oh no! No toe nail files?!?”. It took me 5 minutes to convince a woman that she could use a nail file on her toenails, that nail files and emery boards can be used on finger nails and toe nails. “You promise nothing bad will happen?” she questioned. I assured her it will be fine. …I refrained from calling the authorities.

A woman asked me if the tweezers I sold were any good. I assured her that they were and that I actually own a pair. She asked me if I could get at those pesky hairs. I let her know that yes, even the shortest of eyebrow hair can be plucked with our tweezers. Then she asked “What about nipple hair?” …sweet baby Jesus, thankfully she didn’t feel the need to show me what she was talking about.

A woman was looking at our travel size display and sighing. I walked over and asked her if I could help her find something or if she had any questions. “No. I don’t know why I am looking at these. All they do is make me sad knowing I don’t travel.” ….oh my.

“Hey honey! You got any of those flat irons I could buy? Not for me. For my lady. A man like me don’t need these girly things” – Yep, said to yours truly as he adjusted himself, I shit you not.

I was asked if it was alright to use a travel size hair dryer at home…you know, because it is meant for travelling. …sigh

Last but not least…I was asked if shampoo would help hair…down there. (her words, not mine). You see, because it gets dry and itchy – HEY! If I gotta go through it, so do you. I told her it would be best to talk to her doctor about her south of the border issues as I searched for my hand sanitizer

Tales of Truth

Well, ladies and gents, boys and girls, the full moon has arrived and with it some amazing and dare I say, gruesome tales of truth. I have been in the retail/customer service gig for over 25 years and thought I had heard and seen it all. …well, I stand corrected.

– The phone rings, I answer with my standard greeting. “Are you open?” is what I am asked. “Yes. We are open.”. “So, you are open?”. “Yes, we are open 9:30 – 9:00 today.”. “So, if I come over there, you’ll be open, right?”. ….sigh

– A woman came in asking if I still sell the Wet Brush (the BEST brush EVER for tangles…just sayin’). I let her know we do and walked her over to the display. “I use the Wet Brush on my dog. He loves it so much I want one too…but it can’t be green, because his is green and I don’t want him mistaking my brush for his.”.

– A woman came in looking for hair chalk. I showed her the Color Bug by Kevin Murphy and the Pigment Pencils by Joico Structure. I let her know that they are a temporary color and will wash out in one to two shampoo’s. “If it lasts until I wash it out, that isn’t very temporary – I only wash my hair once a week.”

– I now know that there is at least one man who uses travel size hair dryers because they are the perfect size to use “south of the border” ….his pun…not mine…did not need the visual.

– A woman came in demanding I only show her products that are not tested on animals. She was wearing leather sandals & carrying a leather tote (I used to run the Ladies dept. at a shoe store and I can spot leather shoes at 100 paces).

– A boy and his mother came in looking for hair chalk. As I was showing them my selection and explaining how to use it, the boy was interrupting his mother, being rude, hitting the display and even our plant. When we got to the counter, as I was ringing through the hair chalk purchase,(a purchase he did not deserve, in my opinion), the boy saw our OPI nail swatches and shouted “Hey! Are these fake nails?” to which I answered “Oh no. Those are the nails from little boys who are rude to their Mother’s in my shop.”. ….Have to admit…that was fun.

– Box color is not for “your box” …enough said.

– The hair dryers are blowing, all of my stylists have a client in their chair. The woman at the front counter says “Oh…so you have a Salon.”. “Yes we do, would you like to make an appointment?” I ask. “Is it a real Salon?” she asked. Before I answered, I reminded myself not to show it on my face, “I’m sorry. What do you mean by a real Salon?”. “Oh, you know. A real Salon – you hear about these fake ones that open then close like a day later. You can never be to careful!”. She has been buying her hairspray from me for 4 years. …I left it at that…I had nothing.

….and the Piece de Resistance…drum roll please…a middle aged woman came in – hey, I can say middle aged, I am going to be 43. So, a middle aged woman, wearing a micro mini corduroy skirt, I mean micro mini skirt came in looking for her color. I walked over to the shelf and helped her find it. I asked her if she had enough peroxide at home to which she said, “I better get some.”. As I bent down to get it for her, she bent down as well. Well ladies and gents, yours truly was visually assaulted for Miss. MicroMini was not wearing any underwear. Going commando. Sans gitch. If that Took. It. Out. Seinfeld episode was about a woman, Elaine would have said “Put. It. Out.”….oh…and she needed a trip to her esthetician… enough said.