Well, ladies and gents, boys and girls, the full moon has arrived and with it some amazing and dare I say, gruesome tales of truth. I have been in the retail/customer service gig for over 25 years and thought I had heard and seen it all. …well, I stand corrected.

– The phone rings, I answer with my standard greeting. “Are you open?” is what I am asked. “Yes. We are open.”. “So, you are open?”. “Yes, we are open 9:30 – 9:00 today.”. “So, if I come over there, you’ll be open, right?”.  ….sigh

– A woman came in asking if I still sell the Wet Brush (the BEST brush EVER for tangles…just sayin’). I let her know we do and walked her over to the display. “I use the Wet Brush on my dog. He loves it so much I want one too…but it can’t be green, because his is green and I don’t want him mistaking my brush for his.”.

– A woman came in looking for hair chalk. I showed her the Color Bug by Kevin Murphy and the Pigment Pencils by Joico Structure. I let her know that they are a temporary color and will wash out in one to two shampoo’s. “If it lasts until I wash it out, that isn’t very temporary – I only wash my hair once a week.”

– I now know that there is at least one man who uses travel size hair dryers because they are the perfect size to use “south of the border” ….his pun…not mine…did not need the visual.

– A woman came in demanding I only show her products that are not tested on animals. She was wearing leather sandals & carrying a leather tote (I used to run the Ladies dept. at a shoe store and I can spot leather shoes at 100 paces).

– A boy and his mother came in looking for hair chalk. As I was showing them my selection and explaining how to use it, the boy was interrupting his mother, being rude, hitting the display and even our plant. When we got to the counter, as I was ringing through the hair chalk purchase,(a purchase he did not deserve, in my opinion), the boy saw our OPI nail swatches and shouted “Hey! Are these fake nails?” to which I answered “Oh no. Those are the nails from little boys who are rude to their Mother’s in my shop.”. ….Have to admit…that was fun.

– Box color is not for “your box” …enough said.

– The hair dryers are blowing, all of my stylists have a client in their chair. The woman at the front counter says “Oh…so you have a Salon.”. “Yes we do, would you like to make an appointment?” I ask. “Is it a real Salon?” she asked. Before I answered, I reminded myself not to show it on my face, “I’m sorry. What do you mean by a real Salon?”. “Oh, you know. A real Salon – you hear about these fake ones that open then close like a day later. You can never be to careful!”. She has been buying her hairspray from me for 4 years. …I left it at that…I had nothing.

….and the Piece de Resistance…drum roll please…a middle aged woman came in – hey, I can say middle aged, I am going to be 43. So, a middle aged woman, wearing a micro mini corduroy skirt, I mean micro mini skirt came in looking for her color. I walked over to the shelf and helped her find it. I asked her if she had enough peroxide at home to which she said, “I better get some.”. As I bent down to get it for her, she bent down as well. Well ladies and gents, yours truly was visually assaulted for Miss. MicroMini was not wearing any underwear. Going commando. Sans gitch. If that Took. It. Out. Seinfeld episode was about a woman, Elaine would have said “Put. It. Out.”….oh…and she needed a trip to her esthetician… enough said.