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Tales of Truth – the final edition

Well, here it is. The final edition of That Girl in the Red Coat’s Tales of Truth. I thought I had heard, seen and smelled (yes … smelled) it all. Over the past weeks, I have been proved wrong. With the full moon, a heat wave and news of the shop’s closure, it has been an interesting 2 weeks around the shop and I must say, I know for sure there is a higher power, because yours truly has been able to hold her tongue and keep it professional. So, gather ’round ladies and gents, boys and girls, for it is time for Tales of Truth.

  •  A woman came in looking for hard wax to do her own Brazilian wax at home…I guess she is really getting into representing the host of the summer Olympics. Anyway, as I showed her our selection, she asked me if instead of using a spatula to apply the wax, could she just use her fingers, like the last time. I asked her “The last time? I thought you said this was your first time?”. “Oh, it is. The place I go to, the girl says using her fingers was easier.”. I took a breath, swallowed the little bit of puke that came up and asked her if “her girl” wore gloves. “No. She just applied the wax, ripped, then put her finger back in the wax and did it again”. …..*THAT GIRL IN THE RED COAT tip – if your “wax girl” is using her fingers and double dipping with you, she is with everyone else. If you do not see gloves and a spatula….RUN!!!

 

  • Since the shop is closing, we have our products on sale. The signs say Everything on Sale. A woman came in and asked “Is everything on sale?”. “Yes, everything.”. She tilted her head to the side and said “So everything right? I’m not gonna get up to the counter and then you’ll pull the rug out from under me and charged me full pop on some things?”. I told her “That’s correct. Everything. No rug being pulled out.”. “Well, I’m gonna add up my total on my phone and it better match yours!”. …they matched.

 

  • A woman asked if she could return a product she bought a month ago and then buy it back with the new discount.

 

  • I was asked “Since you are closing, does this mean you won’t be open anymore?” …I am still trying to figure that one out.

 

  • A woman started to spray every hairspray she picked up. I let her know they weren’t testers. “What’s it matter? You’re closing anyways!”.

 

  • A woman came in for her hairspray. I let her know that unfortunately we had sold out of it and the owner was not ordering any more product. I shit you not, she leaned on the counter, turned her head to the side, spoke out of the side of her mouth and said “Listen, you order me 12. Sneak an order in. No one has to know. I’m good for it.”. …okay there Fredo.

 

  • We open at 9:30 a.m.. At 9:45 a.m. I hear the chirp of the Salon door and with it a shriek of “NO!!!!!!!” – so loud one of my stylist’s shut off her dryer and walked away from her client to see what the shouting was about. “You can’t close! You can’t! Where will I go now? You have ruined my whole day!!!!”. …and good morning to you as well.

 

  • “You’re not closing.” a woman said as she came in the shop. I told her the owner had decided to close. “No she didn’t. You’re not closing!”. It took 5 minutes to convince a woman that the shop was in fact closing.

 

  • A woman came up to the counter with her product and told me “I have a bone to pick with you! I was in last month and you said nothing about closing. You let me buy product at full price! I am not impressed!”. I let her know I understood her disappointment since I didn’t know a month ago either. …she stopped talking after that.

 

  • “Well, aren’t you just the most annoying thing today!” – what a woman said to me when she saw the shop is closing.

 

  • A woman came in, stared at me, stomped her feet, pouted then sat in the chair by the front door for 5 minutes staring at me without saying a word. (I know it was 5 minutes, because I timed it). When she finally stood she looked at me and said I was being unfair for closing the shop. I let her know the owner had decided to close and before I could explain why she told me “If you cared, you would have made her stay open. This is horrible. Now I have to drive further for my products!” …took every ounce of restraint to not say “time to get off your cross, someone needs the wood”

 

  • “Well, aren’t you shit out of luck. All you can do is this and now the shop is closing.” …just another gem bestowed on yours truly. …you would be happy to know I didn’t hold my tongue on this one and assured the woman that I was not just a girl standing in a shop.

 

  • As I rang through a women’s purchase, I told her the total and as she gave me the cash, she smirked and said “Shop’s closing huh. No job for you!”. …I know of the soup Nazi, guess she is the job Nazi.

 

  • “Where am I going to get my shampoo now?!” – something I hear at least 20 times a day. When I let them know they can check the local Salon’s “Can’t you call around to all the Salon’s for me?”….sometimes, there are no words.

Last but not least, the woman who flashed me her red bump riddled bikini line came in and said “Sorry to see you’re closing! Who’s gonna help me now? Who am I gonna show my issues to?!?”. …I…shit…you…not.

 

Tales of Truth

 

 

 

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Tales of Truth – the 21st. edition!

Just when I think I have written my final installment of my Tales of Truth, that I have seen and heard it all, the universe gives me a little nudge to remind that I am not quite finished. The upside to the craziness and absurdities – I have something to write about and you all get a giggle or two. So gather ’round Ladies and Gents, boys and girls, for it is time for the 21st. edition of That Girl in the Red Coat’s Tales of Truth!

  • A woman came in looking for a quieter hairspray. Yes, a quieter hairspray. It seems that most aerosol cans are too noisy. As I reminded myself not to show it on my face, I let her know that using a pump hairspray would be a “quieter” option. “No….it’s too much work to press down the pump again and again.”. …that’s not the only thing that is too much work…but I digress.
  • A woman asked me what the difference between non acetone polish remover and acetone polish remover was. I let her know that non acetone does not contain acetone and is a little gentler to the skin and nails and that acetone contains acetone and can tend to be a bit drying but is best for removing darker shades of nail polish. She looked at me and said “So, what you’re telling me is there is no difference.” ….sigh
  • We have a chair at the front window for our Salon clients who may be waiting for ride. I had a woman come in the shop, sit down in the chair and begin to organize her wallet. I asked her if I could help her and she said “No. I just felt like cleaning out my purse and this looks like as good of a place as any.”. …well, it’s a pretty nice chair with a nice view….of the parking lot.
  • “Did you know that I had two toe nails removed yesterday?” – the answer to my “Good Morning!” greeting as the customer came in the shop
  • A woman came in asking if I sold anything for those little red bumps people get. I asked her if she meant the ingrown hairs on legs that can happen after waxing. “No. Not there. Here…” My hand went up and I stopped her right there and let her know that she can just say her bikini area.  ….Ladies, there are other ways to show your Canadian pride than showing your beaver.
  • I had to promise a woman I would not tell her stylist that she came into our shop and bought some product. Very 007.    ….by the way, I have no idea who this woman is or who her stylist is.
  • A gent came in asking about at home waxing. I showed him our selection of waxing products. He asked me “What do you think of brazilians for men?”. I let him know that he may want to go to a Salon that offers that service because he could injure himself if he tries to do it himself, to which he said “Sorry, you misunderstood me. I want to know what you think about them. Do you like them?” ….seriously? Is this what the world has come to? This is the best line a dude can come up with? Hey gents – so you will know and one day your children will know, women do not want to talk about your balls. We don’t.
  • For the past few months the peroxide that we retail has been on back order, so I have brought in a new line until my usual is available. A woman came in asking if her regular peroxide was available yet and I let her know it was still on back order, but I did have another available. “I know that. You sold it to me last time. The little white bottle.” to which I said “Our replacement peroxide was in a blue bottle, not a white. I don’t think you bought it here.”. Well, that was the wrong thing to say. “I ONLY shop here and you are mistaken.”. After about 3 minutes of discussing how I was wrong, I asked her to bring the bottle in he next time she came in, so I could see the bottle. “Oh I will and I will laugh at you!”. The next day, yep, the very next day she came into the shop shaking the bottle in the air, giggling at me. “Here it is! Told you!”. It was then that I let her know that she had bought it at another beauty supply and that the sale sticker was still on the bottle. She looked at me and said ( I shit you not) “well, now that it settled, hopefully you can stop talking about it and move on.”.
That Girl in the Red Coat

That Girl in the Red Coat

 

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Tales of Truth Part 11

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, gather ’round for another installment of Tales of Truth. Last week was the week of the full moon and Friday the 13th., so you can imagine what yours truly got to hear and got to see. As always, the following tales are based on real events…sigh.

– I hear the chirp of the Salon’s door chime. A regular customer comes up to the counter and says she needs my opinion. I say “Sure! What can I help you with?”. She proceeds to come behind the counter, lifting her skirt as she walks. I stopped her dead in her tracks, put my hand up and said “You can keep your skirt down. Let me guess…you want to ask me if red bumps after waxing is normal” to which she looked at me like I was Dionne Warwick and I was her new psychic bff. “YES! How did you know without seeing?”. ….double sigh

– A woman came in to buy her hairspray and she was concerned about leaving the hairspray in the car as she ran errands because it was such a hot day. I reassured her that if she put it in the trunk, it should be fine. She was quite relieved. As we were waiting for the debit machine to connect, she became a little anxious. “Can you hurry this up? I left my dog in the car!”. …wait for it…there you go.

– We carry products that are vegan and certified organic. I had a customer ask me if they were packaged on a farm. I let her know that they weren’t packaged on a farm, they were packaged in a factory. She then began to tell me that there was no way the products could be organic because they weren’t packaged on a farm.

– I have a dish of candies at our front desk for our customers and clients, to add a little sweetness to their day. A woman asked me if the candies were free of charge. I let her know that they were and to help herself. She couldn’t believe that I would just give away candy so she left a quarter on the counter “just in case I was trying to pull one over on her”.

– Later that same day I had a woman ask if the candies were free, I let her know that they were and to please help herself. She dug through the bowl and took all the red candies, 10 in total. How do I know it was 10? She counted out loud…people, I shit you not…this really happens.

– From time to time companies will offer a bonus size hairspray that retails for the same price of the regular size bottle. The bonus size can be up to 300 ml more than the regular retail size bottle – it’s like getting two for the price of one. I had a woman get down right angry that all I had in stock were the bonus size cans. She didn’t like them and thought they looked tacky. I let her know that although she may not like the look of the bottle it was a great savings. Her exact words to me were “Who are they to decide that I want to save money?”.

– As I was ringing through a purchase, my customer complimented me on my hair. I thanked her and let her know that our stylists in our Salon do my color for me. “Oh, is that why whenever I come here I hear blow dryers and the chatter?” …I just smiled and handed her a Salon price list. As she was leaving she looked back and said “Thank you! This makes so much sense now.”.

– A woman came in looking for nail polish. I took her over to our OPI and China Glaze displays. When she noticed my sign “please do not try on polishes, please ask for assistance with the swatches” she remarked that she couldn’t believe people would actually open up products and try them out. She chose her polish and said she was just going to look around. Not ten seconds later do I hear “ppffffftttt” – I came around the corner to her trying two different hairsprays, one on each side of her head “Oh…I am just trying them out. I just want to see which one holds better”.

…triple sigh.

 

Dad's laugh

 

Aside
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Today’s tale is short and sweet, like yours truly. After you read it, you will see why. Quite honestly, I find myself at a loss for words. I am all about new techniques and trends. Some are so cool I cannot wait to try them. Others, well, I will leave it for others to try and enlighten me afterwards. My aim is always to educate and enlighten so here goes.

So as I was surfing the web this morning I came across a new trend that has begun in England and is making it’s way across the pond. Downstairs Dye job. Yes, you read that right, Downstairs Dye job. (For more info. check out http://www.NYMAG.com  The Cut). It seems that women not only hate the pesky grays popping up on their heads, it is becoming an issue south of the border (and I don’t mean Mexico). I never realized this was an issue…gives “my roots are showing” a whole new meaning, and visual for that matter.

I know. Right now you have just crossed your legs and said “ouch” aloud. I know I did. The thought took  me back to the day I accidentally used Kleenex with menthol when the toilet paper roll was empty (kids). Let me tell ya…you NEVER forget that sensation. From the info. I have read, you can uncross your legs. It seems the bleach used is similar to the bleach used to lighten facial hair, and mixed with certain oils that don’t sting. Your southern belle can be dyed to match your northern ‘do. You can also choose a design for artistic flare; a heart, a star, an eagle, a beaver …couldn’t help myself.

So now not only can your shoes match your bag, the carpet upstairs can match or compliment your carpet downstairs. ….that’s all I got.