Just when I think I have written my final installment of my Tales of Truth, that I have seen and heard it all, the universe gives me a little nudge to remind that I am not quite finished. The upside to the craziness and absurdities – I have something to write about and you all get a giggle or two. So gather ’round Ladies and Gents, boys and girls, for it is time for the 21st. edition of That Girl in the Red Coat’s Tales of Truth!

• A woman came in looking for a quieter hairspray. Yes, a quieter hairspray. It seems that most aerosol cans are too noisy. As I reminded myself not to show it on my face, I let her know that using a pump hairspray would be a “quieter” option. “No….it’s too much work to press down the pump again and again.”. …that’s not the only thing that is too much work…but I digress.

• A woman asked me what the difference between non acetone polish remover and acetone polish remover was. I let her know that non acetone does not contain acetone and is a little gentler to the skin and nails and that acetone contains acetone and can tend to be a bit drying but is best for removing darker shades of nail polish. She looked at me and said “So, what you’re telling me is there is no difference.” ….sigh

• We have a chair at the front window for our Salon clients who may be waiting for ride. I had a woman come in the shop, sit down in the chair and begin to organize her wallet. I asked her if I could help her and she said “No. I just felt like cleaning out my purse and this looks like as good of a place as any.”. …well, it’s a pretty nice chair with a nice view….of the parking lot.

• “Did you know that I had two toe nails removed yesterday?” – the answer to my “Good Morning!” greeting as the customer came in the shop

• A woman came in asking if I sold anything for those little red bumps people get. I asked her if she meant the ingrown hairs on legs that can happen after waxing. “No. Not there. Here…” My hand went up and I stopped her right there and let her know that she can just say her bikini area.  ….Ladies, there are other ways to show your Canadian pride than showing your beaver.

• I had to promise a woman I would not tell her stylist that she came into our shop and bought some product. Very 007.    ….by the way, I have no idea who this woman is or who her stylist is.

• A gent came in asking about at home waxing. I showed him our selection of waxing products. He asked me “What do you think of brazilians for men?”. I let him know that he may want to go to a Salon that offers that service because he could injure himself if he tries to do it himself, to which he said “Sorry, you misunderstood me. I want to know what you think about them. Do you like them?” ….seriously? Is this what the world has come to? This is the best line a dude can come up with? Hey gents – so you will know and one day your children will know, women do not want to talk about your balls. We don’t.

• For the past few months the peroxide that we retail has been on back order, so I have brought in a new line until my usual is available. A woman came in asking if her regular peroxide was available yet and I let her know it was still on back order, but I did have another available. “I know that. You sold it to me last time. The little white bottle.” to which I said “Our replacement peroxide was in a blue bottle, not a white. I don’t think you bought it here.”. Well, that was the wrong thing to say. “I ONLY shop here and you are mistaken.”. After about 3 minutes of discussing how I was wrong, I asked her to bring the bottle in he next time she came in, so I could see the bottle. “Oh I will and I will laugh at you!”. The next day, yep, the very next day she came into the shop shaking the bottle in the air, giggling at me. “Here it is! Told you!”. It was then that I let her know that she had bought it at another beauty supply and that the sale sticker was still on the bottle. She looked at me and said ( I shit you not) “well, now that it settled, hopefully you can stop talking about it and move on.”.

That Girl in the Red Coat