Gather ’round ladies and gents, boys and girls. It’s time for That girl in the red coat’s tales of truth…and yes, it is my 15th. edition. If the last 3 years are any example – there will be many more editions to be written. In the immortal words of Platinum Blonde… “are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin.”.

– I asked a woman if she wanted a bag for her purchase. “I will only take one if it’s free! I refuse to pay a nickel for a bag!”. I let her know that our bags were complimentary so she said she would take one. As she was leaving she turned to tell me “You know, if you charged for your bags, you would make extra money.”.

– A woman came in complaining her hair was too flat and she wanted more volume. So I introduced her to some of the mousses and root boosts that are big sellers for us. I explained how much to use and that she would achieve the most volume and best results if she used a blow dryer. She just stared at me, so I asked her if she had any questions to which she said “You mean I have to do my hair to make it look good?”.

– It’s winter here in the Great White North, which means scarves, mitts and toques (hats for my non-Canadians) and along with our winter gear, the inevitable static. I had a woman ask me if it was a good idea to coat her scarf and mitts with hairspray to keep the static at bay. I told her I didn’t know if that would work. She told me that I was a disappointment and left.

– The phone rang. I answered with my standard greeting to which I heard “Yeah. Whatever. Look. I need 40 volume peroxide and I can’t tell you why. You got any?” …cue Criminal Minds

– The phone rang and before I could finish my hello a woman asked me “Do you sell hair color that would match my hair color when my hair is wet ‘cuz I like that color better than when my hair is dry.”. I let her know that I couldn’t answer her question because I couldn’t see her hair, since we were talking on the phone. “Oh…you know the color, it’s kinda of like the brown on the icing can”. ….sigh ….oh yeah…that brown.

– I was ringing through a purchase when my customer looked towards our Salon. She turned to me and said “You have a Salon here?”. “Yes, we do. Would you like a price list of our services?” to which she responded “So, it’s a real Salon?”. I assured her as I silently told myself not to show it on my face “Yes, it’s a real Salon.” to which she said “Well, you can never be too sure. I have been fooled before!”.  ….this February the full moon was in FULL swing.

– A woman came in complaining that her color keeps fading at her roots. “Every time I get my hair colored, within two weeks the color at my roots fades and my grey starts to show!” was her compliant. I let her know that it wasn’t her color fading, it was her hair growing. “Yeah, I know! It’s growing out faded!”. Once again, I had to explain that when your hair is colored, it only colors your hair on the outside of your scalp….I have to do this at least 3 times a month.

No flat irons have been thrown or rash riddled bikini lines have been flashed….yet.