Beauty, health and wellness, lifestyle, writing

Merciful Monday

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Mercy – noun;

 

compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.

 

I came across a beautiful sentiment yesterday. I was watching Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday with Elizabeth Gilbert and one of her beautiful insights into life was mercy. Mercy for others, most importantly, mercy for yourself. Her statement about showing mercy towards yourself about your failures, your short comings, your bad decisions resonated within me. I felt a calmness wash over me the instant she uttered that word. Mercy.

It got me thinking. How often we forgive others, show mercy to them and for them, yet we seldom offer ourselves the same gift. When someone we hold dear stumbles and falls, we offer a hand to help them up. When we hear of a friend’s failure, personal or professional, we listen with an open heart and open mind. We try to help them figure out where a wrong turn was made and help them get back to the right road. Funny thing is, when we stumble and fall, we continue to kick ourselves when we are down. When we fail in life and love, we stop looking for a way out. Why is it what we will do for others, we seldom do for ourselves?

Over the years, there are many regrets. I found myself wondering “what if”, or “I should have” or “why didn’t I”. Who knew that a five letter word would clear all those thoughts away. Mercy. I gave myself some mercy. It was 9:00 p.m. on a Sunday night. I went outside, sat in my backyard, looked up to the heavens and got myself some mercy. When I woke up this morning, I have to admit some of my regrets woke up with me. Today was a little different. My regrets were followed by “you did the best you could at the time”. One of my favorite quotes is by the beloved Dr. Maya Angelou “When you know better, you do better.”. I came to realize that I couldn’t have done better in the past, I didn’t have the tools, I didn’t have the belief in myself, I let fear and ego drive my decisions and reactions. I didn’t have mercy. I now know that I do know better, so I can do better.

We all make mistakes. We all have dreams that didn’t come true. We all have been a pain in the ass teenager to our parents. We all have made mistakes as parents. We have all hurt people. We have all hurt ourselves. We all deserve to show ourselves some mercy.

Beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Help Wanted

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Today’s tale is one for all the up and comers in our beloved industry. We are in the business of Beauty. Our customers and clients come to us because they want to look better and in turn feel better about themselves. They look to us for helpful hints and tips on how to care for their hair and to style their new ‘do.

Over the past year I have had many young ladies and gents come through my door asking if I was hiring for the shop or if our Salon would take an apprentice under our wing. For the most part, I had to say no – and not for the reasons you think. I didn’t say no because of lack of business, lack of clientele, lack of budget or because the economy is slow. I had to say no because as I saw it, if they were not able to brush their own hair, how were they able to help our clients and customers with their hair care needs. One young lady still stands out in my mind.

I hear the chirp of the shop’s door chime and look up to see a young woman wearing jogging pants, an over sized jacket, no makeup applied and her hair in a messy ponytail. “I just finished school and I need my hours…do you guys take apprentices?”. It was at this moment I decided that I was gonna change her life.I took a breath, put a smile on my face and crossed my fingers that the demo flat iron beside her would not become air born. I asked her where she went to school and I asked her if part of the curriculum focused on how to apply for a position in a salon. “Not really” she answered. I let her know that we were  not looking for an apprentice at the moment, but I would take her resume. I also asked her if she had a minute to chat. She said yes. I asked her if she loved doing hair or just liked it. “I LOVE IT!” she exclaimed. I told her I was happy to hear it, because it is a lot of hard work and long hours, but if you love it, it’s all worth it. I then asked her if I could give her a few tips. I let her know that our industry is a visual industry, that being said, she must always look like she is ready to cut/color someone’s hair. I let her know that she needs to have her hair done and a little make up applied – even if it’s just lip gloss. I let her know of Salon’s in town that I had heard were looking for apprentices and told her to go home an do the following;

– call the Salon you are interested in and ask to speak to the manager and ask to make an appointment to come and see them. * Shows professionalism and shows you understand their time, as yours, is important.

– have a shower, do your hair and apply a little makeup. You need to look good and smell good. *think about it, would you want to get your hair done by someone who’s hair was not tidy and they smelled like the gym?

– dress appropriately. Put on a nice pair of pants and a nice shirt – preferably black. (black compliments the client – puts the attention on them). *make sure the pants are clean and the shirt is pressed

– bring your tools along. You never know, you may be asked to give a cut so they can see your technique and composure around their clients.

I let her know you only get one chance to make a first impression, and that most people wouldn’t attempt to see past the jogging pants and wouldn’t give her the time of day. I then told her one of my favorite sayings “when you know better, you do better. So now, you will do better”. She laughed. (whew…thank you Maya Angelou and the powers that be that left the flat iron in it’s place).

After she left I found myself thinking about how we are not educating the up and comers. Sure they are learning cutting and coloring techniques, but these alone do not a stylist make. Students need to be taught customer service skills, interpersonal skills, how to communicate with their potential boss and coworker, how to sell retail product to their client sitting in their chair – they need to be told how to dress for their interviews and in turn for their career. Listen, I am a mother of a teenage daughter so I know you cannot guarantee what you have said has been heard nor can you guarantee what you have taught has been learned. What I do know is this; not educating students and giving them all the tools they will need if they choose to get ahead is, well, cruel and setting them up to fail. Plain and simple. Starting out in this industry is hard enough, and brings out it’s own road blocks, emotionally, physically and mentally. How about instead off adding another roadblock we give them the green light.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

I have seen the enemy and she is us.

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As I sit here, all that keeps coming to my minds eye are the Dove commercials. You know the ones. The commercials that tell us how girls will stop sports because of their body image…and then my mind’s eye flashes to the mothers and daughters who come into the shop and the mother speaks about the daughter like she isn’t even there. Yes, I agree that the media has a part to play in the self esteem issues of girls and young women, hell of women in general…but I think we are each other’s worst enemy. As Pogo stated “I have seen the enemy and he is us”. In this case, she is us.

Every day, I mean every damn day a woman comes in to the shop and says things like “Oh…I’m too stupid to do my hair”, “I need big hair so people don’t see my big ass”, “Her hair is so greasy it looks like an oil slick” – this coming from a mother talking about her daughter who is right beside her. Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe you are so upset right now and say such things because you are doing what people expect of you instead of what you want to do? Maybe you are being nasty instead of supportive of your best friend’s new hair color because she has the guts to do what she likes instead of what her mother/husband tells her would look good. As for our daughters, ladies, be kind. There is no excuse, none, for a grown woman to pick apart a young girl’s oily scalp or oily complexion. Especially in public, that is just cruel, plain and simple. By the way, that doesn’t fly in my shop. I will always side with the young lady who is being bullied by her mother. That’s right. I said bullied. To be clear – literally pointing your finger and pointing out pimples and oily scalp = mean. Quietly asking for advice to help get rid of oily scalp while arm is around daughter’s shoulder = kind.

It is time to stop being so damn mean and so damn afraid. That’s right, afraid. Dig through meanness and you will find fear. If you are over the age of 21, it is time to stop being afraid of what your mother is going to think. Maybe your mother didn’t know any better, but we do and as Maya Angelou said “when you know better, you do better”. It’s time to do better, to each other and to the young ladies behind us. Ladies, if your best friend goes blonde, she did it for her, not to steal your husband. Your daughter dyed her hair black because she thought it would be cool, not because she is joining a cult. If you like to do your hair and makeup, it does not make you a shallow person or a bad mother. Stop being afraid of what people are going to think or say. Like I always say, people are going to talk no matter what you do so why not really give ’em something to talk about.

It is time to make the room change when we enter it instead of blending into the furnishings.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Would you be your valentine?

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It’s February 11th. T minus 3 days until the big day…Valentine’s day. On the radio, at the shop, in the express check out line at the grocery store I hear the same things “He better not forget my favorite chocolate!”, “I better be getting the biggest bottle of Moroccanoil money can buy!”, “If he knows what is good for him I will get a spa package for Valentine’s day!”. Besides getting to be a witness to this ugliness I also got to see a sad, sorry sight…a terrified grown man holding two stuffed bears…most likely terrified because he knew if he didn’t come home with the right gift on Valentine’s day, it may very well be his last Valentine’s day. Quite honestly, if that is how the relationship works, his better half is lucky he is coming home at all. Yeah, I said it.

As you know, from time to time I tell a tale not of Salon ideals or product knowledge but of what goes through my mind, my opinions, take ’em or leave ’em. Today is such a day with such a tale. So many people wait for February 14th. to shower their loved ones with gifts, compliments and love instead of doing it everyday. We put way too much pressure on ourselves and our relationship’s because of a date on the calender.

Here’s an idea…how about we try to have a little Valentine’s everyday. Oh calm down ladies. I am not saying you need to be in a teddy and 6 inch stiletto’s waiting at the door with a martini, but a compliment or a thank you for taking out the trash might be nice…not just for your better half, but for yourself as well. As for the gents, I am not saying you need to bring home flowers every week, but a kiss hello and goodbye everyday would be lovely, again, not just for your better half, but for yourself as well. If one of you ain’t happy…nobody’s happy.

I have quoted Ms. Angelou before and will continue to say it, you teach people how to treat you. Ladies…if you want your gent to get you your favorite chocolates and a spa day…try not making him recite on a daily basis a list of your favorite chocolates and spa services. How about you try being nice. Remember Nellie Oleson? Yeah…she didn’t get what she wanted until she was…NICE. (you know….Percival came to save the restaurant and….oh, go rent the DVD.). As for the gents in the house…if you want your wife to spice up the bedroom attire…telling her that the bra and pantie set you bought her looked great on “Destiny” at the “club” probably isn’t the best compliment. I know you think it is. Trust me…it’s not.

Hug one another every day. Kiss each other hello and goodbye every day. Say “I love you” when you leave the house for the day or before you put your head down each night. Compliment each other. If you criticize, try your best to be kind.- Ladies…if it is that time of the month…wait a day or two to criticize – yeah, I said it. You are not in the right frame of mind and you know it and honestly it just frightens our poor gents. *side note to the gents – if you know what is good for you – you will NEVER mention the above out loud.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized

Who knew Qtips could do so much?

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“If you talked to your friends the way you talk to your body, you’d have no friends left” – Marcia Hutchinson. I came across this quote a few months ago, and over the past few days it keeps popping up around me, be it on Facebook, Pinterest or over hearing conversations in the Salon. Funny tale to tell today…well, funny in a “okay, I get it” kind of way.

Confession. I haven’t always been this confident woman you read before you. I was that girl, the one who acted confident but went home everyday thinking she was fat, stupid, dumb, ugly…take your pick of any negative description of a person and that was what I thought I was. Over the past few weeks, I have heard the same phrases coming out of the mouths of the women coming into the shop, and I have let it get to me. You know what they say…what you surround yourself with you become. I started to bring it home with me, which is never a good thing, nothing worse than letting someone get in your head and reside there rent free. The constant negativity compounded with a few personal exclusions over the past few days were the perfect ingredients for a recipe for emotional disaster. Yes, I am 40 but it stills stings me a bit when I am excluded…I’m working on it.

Last night, as I was sitting and pouting, on my twitter feed I came across the above quote and literally right after came across this little gem from @simonsinek “If you want to achieve anything in this world, you have to get used to the idea that not everyone will like you”. (told you this was an “okay I get it” kind of tale). He is right. I know that. I blog about it all the time. I had forgotten. I had let myself wander off my path because it was getting lonely at times. Funny thing is, when you stop being true to yourself, you become more miserable and lonely than you thought you were to begin with.

This morning, I was still a little glum, couldn’t seem to shake my melancholy, then I went into the bathroom and saw that my hubby had refilled the Qtip jar and everything fell into place. Yep, I am that easy to please. In that instant I realized that all the negative thoughts floating around in my head were not mine, they belonged to the woman who yelled at me because the hairspray I had introduced her to that she loves is on back order…until Monday, and to the woman who didn’t understand why exchanging her flat iron was so easy to do and disappointed that the process didn’t take 20 minutes like she had planned it would. (seriously folks…I WISH I was making this up). All the anger I had towards my family was not my own, it belonged to the woman who’s husband had found a new love and to the gentleman who was angry at his wife because he had to pick up her hair color and she “never” does anything herself. I do like my hair, and I do think I look good and am proud of it. I don’t down play myself because I am now 40 and as the lovely woman in jogging pants and rubber boots so lovingly pointed out “putting on jewelry and doing your hair when you are over 35 is stupid”.( I got to meet this gem in the 1-8 item line at the grocery store…she had 9 items by the way).

It is so important to be kind, not just to others, but to ourselves. We teach people how to treat us (thank you Maya Angelou) and, although I hate to admit my faults, over the past few days I have been responsible for the negativity coming my way. I was letting it get to me and become the lesson I was teaching to all who crossed my path. With a little help from my Twitter feed and  a jar of Qtips, I have a new lesson plan.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized

Sugar and spice and everything…nice?

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When I was a young girl I always preferred to play with the boys. We always had fun and there wasn’t ever any drama. When boys had a problem with each other, they told each other to shut up or hit each other and it was over. Gone and forgotten. It was awesome. Girls always seemed to be mean, never let anything go, too much trouble and too much drama – so I just went and played football with the boys. I always wondered where the drama came from. Where did it begin? Was it taught or just a part of the female DNA. I think I have the answer…I saw it happen before my own eyes.

There I was, humming along with Dylan Wickens and the Grand Naturals (proud to say – a childhood friend that thanks to facebook has re entered my life) and counting RUSK W8Less Plus hairspray for inventory. (I am a HUGE blues fan and missed the blues festival  because I was covering for my PTG (part time girl) so I brought in their CD, next best thing.). I hear the familiar chirp of the door. I look up and say “Hello Ladies! How are we today?” to which I hear “We would be better if she had better hair and my butt wasn’t so big.”. (I kid you not, that is what she said.). A mother and daughter, hating themselves and everything about being a woman. Not only did they continue to pick each other apart, the mother was picking apart women I can only assume were her friends. “Oh my gawd! Can you believe she thinks she can actually get that promotion?”, “Did you see what she was wearing – loses weight and now she is God’s gift – by the way, you could stand to lose a few pounds” and countless other nasty things. I stopped paying attention because I was beginning to lose I.Q. points being that close to such idiotic behavior. Yeah, I said it, IDIOTIC. I mean seriously, what kind of example is that?  The mother may have been in her early 40’s and the daughter couldn’t have been more than 10. As I watched them the way you watch a car wreck, I realized something. We as women need to change.

As women, we need to be raising each other up, we need to be praising each other and celebrating each other’s accomplishments – be it losing 10 pounds or landing that promotion. So me being me, I walked over and asked if they needed my help. I complimented the young girl on her pretty face and beautiful long hair to which the mom barked out “Yeah, but look how oily it is!” to which I responded “Oh, that’s normal honey, all girls have that trouble in their early teens and this shampoo (Senscience Specialty shampoo) will fix it right up, and a dry shampoo (Quantum Invisible dry shampoo) can help too.” to which the girl smiled and the mother scowled.

As Maya Angelou has written, we teach people how to treat us. It’s time to re-educate ourselves and women everywhere. We cannot change people but we can change how we deal with them. When you see a group of women cutting someone down, say something nice about their verbal victim. When you see a woman belittling her daughter, catch the girl’s eye and smile at her, give her a wink and shrug your shoulders – let her know it’s not her and not all women are mean. I know women that are still upset at someone for something that happened in high school – 25 years ago.

Ladies, it is time to let it go. It is time to be nice. It is time…feminists forgive me… to take a lesson from the men. Men confront the situation at hand, deal with it and move on. Doesn’t that sound lovely?

 

 

Beauty, Business, communication, health and wellness, Uncategorized

Permission granted

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This tale is for all the women out there that are afraid of their voice. You know who you are. At some point we have all been her. You know the one…the one who keeps her opinions to herself , the one who doesn’t speak her mind, the one who goes along with everything out of fear of rocking the boat. The one who still speaks in a cutesy high pitched voice. The one who hates her hair cut so much she cries on her way home from the Salon but won’t tell her stylist because it might hurt their feelings or the stylist won’t like them anymore.  I know, we have heard all our lives, “be the good girl”, “just smile and be polite”, “boys don’t like girls who talk too much”, “the stylist knows best”. I have come to realize, all these lessons were taught to us out of fear. Our parents, teachers,mentors (take your pick) only knew fear, so that is what the majority of girls were taught, fear. Fear of what may happen if you speak your mind, fear of what may happen if you choose not to go with the flow, fear of being alone. As Maya Angelou says “when you know better, you do better”. Ladies, (and gents), it is time to “do better”.

Every day, I mean EVERYDAY, a woman will come into the shop or the salon, her eyes at the floor, mumbling a request. I make it my personal mission in life to raise these people up. I ask them what they need, what they are looking for and I always get the same response “I don’t know, what do you think?”. In turn I answer “I think you should have pink hair”…and then I give a gentle friendly giggle and tell her I want to help her feel better about her hair. I ask her what picture she has in her head of what she wants her hair to look like. 9 out of 10 women tell me they don’t like the style they have now, that their stylist doesn’t listen to them and that they hate the color of their hair. This is when I tell them “it is time to find your voice”. I reassure them, the world will not open up and swallow them whole if they speak their mind. That if they are able to yell at the girl at the drive thru for getting their coffee order wrong, I think they can talk to their stylist about what they want.

As women, we worry about what people are thinking about us or saying about us. It is time to stop worrying. As my Dad often says “worry is a debt that never comes due”. He’s right. People are going to talk no matter what, it’s what they do. Live the life you want, have the hair style and color you want, wear the clothes you like. Find your voice, embrace it, walk with your head held high, make eye contact. If you are still a little worried you are going to hurt someone’s feelings – get them a present – buy them “knitting for dummies” and tell them “here is your new hobby.”.