Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Not your usual Top Ten list

Everywhere you look, on facebook, on twitter, on Pinterest, even on the cover of the magazine’s at the express check out, everyone seems to have the newest idea or the newest “how to” for your “best hair day EVER!”. Granted, some of these idea’s are quite useful and helpful. Many, sadly are not. There are no miracle cures for split ends, there isn’t a 10 minute technique to make a brunette a platinum blonde, and sorry to burst your bubble – your hair will not grow 2 inches in 2 weeks – no matter what product you put on your scalp. Over the past weeks many customers have wandered into the shop with the same question “Do you have something that will fix this?”, as they point to their head…or hat depending on the damage done. I have seen women with hair that looked and felt like straw. I have seen women who’s hair felt like wet cotton – although their hair was dry. I have seen women with patches of singed hair. I have seen women, that their hair had so many shades of gold and orange their head looked like a paint swatch. As always, my aim is to educate and enlighten, so, being me, I have compiled a list. A “Top Ten of what not to do” list. You’re welcome.

1 – If you want to be the blonde bombshell that you have always known was inside you, do not attempt this at home. I know the box shows you that a brunette became a platinum blonde – trust me, it’s not gonna happen. Save yourself an evening locked in the bathroom and go to the Salon.

2 – Coconut oil smells terrific and has many health benefits. One thing it is not is a thermal protectant. *Unless the package states it is a thermal protectant and meant to be used with a flat iron, DO NOT use any oil on dry hair and then proceed to use your flat iron. I want you to picture a hot frying pan…what happens when you add oil to it? Exactly. See my previous post –

https://thatgirlintheredcoat.com/2012/04/09/you-should-hear-sizzle-at-the-stove-not-at-the-vanity/

3 – Split ends are a result of damage – from being too aggressive with the brush while trying to rid yourself of tangles to over processing your lovely locks. The best way to keep those pesky splits at bay? Go for a trim every few weeks. Before you faint – get out your smelling salts – I am not saying get inches chopped off. Ask for a baby trim – literally millimeters trimmed off…or 1/8″ for my non metric beauties.

4 – There isn’t any product on the market that will make your hair grow inches in weeks. There are some products out there that state you will notice 1 – 2 inches of growth in 6 weeks…that is the usual amount of growth for anyone in good health.

5 – Toner is not a magic potion found in a magic bottle.

6 – Purple Shampoo/ Blue Shampoo will rid your lovely blonde or silver locks of the yellow/brassy tones that blondes/silvers pick up due to product build up, pollution and nicotine. Purple/Blue Shampoo will not make you more blonde. If you have colored your hair and you now look like the great pumpkin, no amount of shampoo will make you blonde. Time to call the Salon.

7 – Plastering your teen daughter’s head with hairspray will not stop her oily scalp. I don’t know who thought this one up. Oily scalp is common for teens, boys and girls alike. It is hormonal. Senscience Specialty Shampoo, Joico’s Daily Care Treatment Shampoo, RUSK Sensories Purify Shampoo and AG Peppermint Wash are terrific shampoo’s to help oily scalp conditions.

8 – A professional stylist would never tell you how to color your hair. Until the color is applied, there is no way of knowing how that color is going to process on your hair – something to remember the next time you are told “oh yeah…just use this and that and you’ll be fine”. …I know it happens, the stylists in my Salon are booking color corrections because of so called “professional” advice.

9 – Unless you have natural wave or curl in your hair, you need to use a curling iron or get a perm to achieve tight, bouncy curls. No amount of curl activating cream will make your poker straight hair curly. You may achieve a slight kinky wave from the product build up, but if ringlets are what you desire, you will need some mechanical (curling iron/wand) or chemical help (perm).

10 – Most conditioning treatments have done all they can do in 20 minutes. Leaving them on overnight has no added benefits.

I know I said this was a Top Ten list, I do have one more very important addition…throwing the flat iron is never a solution.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Sisterhood

As I sit here in my 42nd. year in this earthly realm, I am still astonished at the treatment of women, by other women. In the past weeks I have seen women roll their eyes behind another woman’s back after telling her they “loved her new cut!” – in front of their daughter. I have heard women snicker about a woman following her dream of opening a business for herself – in front of their daughter. I have heard a woman call another woman a “ho!” because of her personal choice to leave her marriage – in front of her daughter. I have heard women bashing their teenage daughter’s choice of hair color – in front of their daughter. Ladies – just what do you think you are teaching your daughter about how to treat other women?

I have a daughter on the cusp of turning 17. I remember how difficult that age was…too old for some things, too young for others, feeling like no one “gets you”, wanting to be an individual yet still blend in enough not to be centered out, figuring out who you are and who your friends are, all the while trying to keep your hair perfect and your mascara from flaking in case “that boy” walks by and happens to say “Hey” to you for the first time. As mothers, we need to remember these things. Today, there are pressures our daughters are having to face much earlier than we did. Case and point – when I was 10 I liked the way Barbie looked –  today at age 10 girls are feeling like they are supposed to look like Barbie. What our daughter’s need is a soft place to fall at the end of the day. Our daughter’s need an example that there is good in the world and that there are people out there that won’t stab them in the back, that will actually have their back. What our daughter’s do not need is another example of gossip, or snickering or put downs  – they deal with that everyday at school and with their friends and classmates.  Being me, I have compiled a little list, a reminder of sorts.

– Do not belittle the dreams of others, if you aren’t careful you could in turn belittle your daughter’s dream.

– Gossiping in front of your daughter will teach her to gossip and teach her not to trust you. Think about it – if she hears you telling everyone’s secrets, she will think you will tell hers too.

– When your daughter wants a pixie cut – be kind. She is trying to figure out who she is…and introduce her to a good stylist and some great product, like KMS Hair Play Molding Paste – great for texture and separation.

– If your daughter has an issue with an oily scalp, do not point it out to everyone you run into. The only person who you should be talking to (with your daughter’s permission) is your stylist. * If your daughter doesn’t want to talk about it, Senscience Specialty Shampoo is a great shampoo to help control an oily scalp.

– Putting down other women in front of your daughter will teach her do to the same – sometimes just out of pure survival – so your venom doesn’t ever spew in her direction.

– When shopping with your daughter, help her to find herself and her style – not the person and the style you want, or wish you had when you were her age.

– NEVER, I mean EVER, point out your daughter’s insecurities in front of anyone. How would you like her to point out your muffin top to the PTA?

– Remind your daughter…and yourself, that this is reality…not reality T.V.. – the Kardashian’s are already keeping up with themselves.

Before you go and nominate me for Mother of the Year, let me be the first to admit that I can really put my foot in it and say the wrong thing. I am strong willed and have a hard time admitting a wrong. That being said, I have to remind myself that I am the parent. I am the adult. I know better and must do better. I admit to my daughter when I have over stepped my bounds. I do apologize for my words if they felt unkind. I explain my intentions and hope that she believes me. As parents we have no control over what our children do once they leave the house, we can only hope that we have taught them well and that they carry on those lessons once they have crossed the threshold. …oh, and throwing a flat iron is never the solution.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized

Sugar and spice and everything…nice?

When I was a young girl I always preferred to play with the boys. We always had fun and there wasn’t ever any drama. When boys had a problem with each other, they told each other to shut up or hit each other and it was over. Gone and forgotten. It was awesome. Girls always seemed to be mean, never let anything go, too much trouble and too much drama – so I just went and played football with the boys. I always wondered where the drama came from. Where did it begin? Was it taught or just a part of the female DNA. I think I have the answer…I saw it happen before my own eyes.

There I was, humming along with Dylan Wickens and the Grand Naturals (proud to say – a childhood friend that thanks to facebook has re entered my life) and counting RUSK W8Less Plus hairspray for inventory. (I am a HUGE blues fan and missed the blues festival  because I was covering for my PTG (part time girl) so I brought in their CD, next best thing.). I hear the familiar chirp of the door. I look up and say “Hello Ladies! How are we today?” to which I hear “We would be better if she had better hair and my butt wasn’t so big.”. (I kid you not, that is what she said.). A mother and daughter, hating themselves and everything about being a woman. Not only did they continue to pick each other apart, the mother was picking apart women I can only assume were her friends. “Oh my gawd! Can you believe she thinks she can actually get that promotion?”, “Did you see what she was wearing – loses weight and now she is God’s gift – by the way, you could stand to lose a few pounds” and countless other nasty things. I stopped paying attention because I was beginning to lose I.Q. points being that close to such idiotic behavior. Yeah, I said it, IDIOTIC. I mean seriously, what kind of example is that?  The mother may have been in her early 40’s and the daughter couldn’t have been more than 10. As I watched them the way you watch a car wreck, I realized something. We as women need to change.

As women, we need to be raising each other up, we need to be praising each other and celebrating each other’s accomplishments – be it losing 10 pounds or landing that promotion. So me being me, I walked over and asked if they needed my help. I complimented the young girl on her pretty face and beautiful long hair to which the mom barked out “Yeah, but look how oily it is!” to which I responded “Oh, that’s normal honey, all girls have that trouble in their early teens and this shampoo (Senscience Specialty shampoo) will fix it right up, and a dry shampoo (Quantum Invisible dry shampoo) can help too.” to which the girl smiled and the mother scowled.

As Maya Angelou has written, we teach people how to treat us. It’s time to re-educate ourselves and women everywhere. We cannot change people but we can change how we deal with them. When you see a group of women cutting someone down, say something nice about their verbal victim. When you see a woman belittling her daughter, catch the girl’s eye and smile at her, give her a wink and shrug your shoulders – let her know it’s not her and not all women are mean. I know women that are still upset at someone for something that happened in high school – 25 years ago.

Ladies, it is time to let it go. It is time to be nice. It is time…feminists forgive me… to take a lesson from the men. Men confront the situation at hand, deal with it and move on. Doesn’t that sound lovely?