Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Sisterhood

As I sit here in my 42nd. year in this earthly realm, I am still astonished at the treatment of women, by other women. In the past weeks I have seen women roll their eyes behind another woman’s back after telling her they “loved her new cut!” – in front of their daughter. I have heard women snicker about a woman following her dream of opening a business for herself – in front of their daughter. I have heard a woman call another woman a “ho!” because of her personal choice to leave her marriage – in front of her daughter. I have heard women bashing their teenage daughter’s choice of hair color – in front of their daughter. Ladies – just what do you think you are teaching your daughter about how to treat other women?

I have a daughter on the cusp of turning 17. I remember how difficult that age was…too old for some things, too young for others, feeling like no one “gets you”, wanting to be an individual yet still blend in enough not to be centered out, figuring out who you are and who your friends are, all the while trying to keep your hair perfect and your mascara from flaking in case “that boy” walks by and happens to say “Hey” to you for the first time. As mothers, we need to remember these things. Today, there are pressures our daughters are having to face much earlier than we did. Case and point – when I was 10 I liked the way Barbie looked –  today at age 10 girls are feeling like they are supposed to look like Barbie. What our daughter’s need is a soft place to fall at the end of the day. Our daughter’s need an example that there is good in the world and that there are people out there that won’t stab them in the back, that will actually have their back. What our daughter’s do not need is another example of gossip, or snickering or put downs  – they deal with that everyday at school and with their friends and classmates.  Being me, I have compiled a little list, a reminder of sorts.

– Do not belittle the dreams of others, if you aren’t careful you could in turn belittle your daughter’s dream.

– Gossiping in front of your daughter will teach her to gossip and teach her not to trust you. Think about it – if she hears you telling everyone’s secrets, she will think you will tell hers too.

– When your daughter wants a pixie cut – be kind. She is trying to figure out who she is…and introduce her to a good stylist and some great product, like KMS Hair Play Molding Paste – great for texture and separation.

– If your daughter has an issue with an oily scalp, do not point it out to everyone you run into. The only person who you should be talking to (with your daughter’s permission) is your stylist. * If your daughter doesn’t want to talk about it, Senscience Specialty Shampoo is a great shampoo to help control an oily scalp.

– Putting down other women in front of your daughter will teach her do to the same – sometimes just out of pure survival – so your venom doesn’t ever spew in her direction.

– When shopping with your daughter, help her to find herself and her style – not the person and the style you want, or wish you had when you were her age.

– NEVER, I mean EVER, point out your daughter’s insecurities in front of anyone. How would you like her to point out your muffin top to the PTA?

– Remind your daughter…and yourself, that this is reality…not reality T.V.. – the Kardashian’s are already keeping up with themselves.

Before you go and nominate me for Mother of the Year, let me be the first to admit that I can really put my foot in it and say the wrong thing. I am strong willed and have a hard time admitting a wrong. That being said, I have to remind myself that I am the parent. I am the adult. I know better and must do better. I admit to my daughter when I have over stepped my bounds. I do apologize for my words if they felt unkind. I explain my intentions and hope that she believes me. As parents we have no control over what our children do once they leave the house, we can only hope that we have taught them well and that they carry on those lessons once they have crossed the threshold. …oh, and throwing a flat iron is never the solution.

Beauty, communication, Fashion, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Purge the Vanity

So, there I was, going through my closet seeing what still fits, what I still like and what I am ready to part with. Fall is upon us and as with any season change I find myself scouring the bible for fashion ideas…the bible being the September issue of Vogue. I don’t know if turning forty has anything to do with this but I have no need to hold onto anything that does not bring me happiness. Maybe it was my husband and my father having a heart attack 8 days apart last October. Maybe it’s both. Anyways, I found myself looking at sweaters that I have had for over 4 years and wondering “what the hell was I thinking?” and then realizing it wasn’t me thinking, it was whomever I was shopping with that particular day and listening to what they thought was right for me instead of what I thought was right for me. Which got me to thinking about my vanity and all the products that I bought because of the same reason I own a sweater that makes by breasts look so big that Dolly Parton would blush. (trust me…it’s not pretty…even my husband looked on in horror and my daughter ran out of the room screaming).

I know you have all read about or heard of cleaning out your closet. I think it is time for a new tradition…clean out your vanity and rid yourself of any product that doesn’t bring you happiness. You know the products I am talking about…

– that facial cream that your mother gave you – the one that every time you unscrew the lid you hear your mother saying “hopefully this will make you look less tired.”

– that organic deodorant that promised all day odorless freshness and you ended up smelling like the onion ring guy at the county fair.

– that eye cream that promised to eliminate the dark circles under your eyes and it did…and it also puffed them up so much you looked like you went a few rounds with Apollo Creed.

– that waterproof mascara that took 20 make up remover wipes, 30 baby wipes, baby oil, soap and 25 minutes each eye to remove.

– those “all day freshness” panty liners  – the only thing they kept fresh was your anger each time they stuck to your pants or your butt…yeah, I said it. We all know it happens.

– the lipstick that your best friend told you to buy so you would look “hot” for the guy you wanted to impress at the party…the same guy she took home.

– the mousse that your so called “friend” told you would be good to use so your hair would be so big that no one would notice your butt. (personal experience with that one…I heard she now lives in a trailer with 10 kids…that’s what I heard).

– the baby blue eye shadow. Enough said.

– the banana clip from 9th. grade. I know it’s painful…it is time to let it go.

What I am getting at is this…be happy. Set up your life so you can smile, not wince. When putting on face cream you should hear nothing but your own inner voice saying how beautiful you are. When putting on lipstick the only thought going through your head is “I like this color”. Take a look at what is residing in your vanity cupboards and drawers. When you hold the product in your hand – if it makes you anything but happy – throw it away, or give it to a friend who may want it.

Make it a point of your bedtime ritual to put the negative to rest as well.