communication, health and wellness, lifestyle, Menopause, parenting, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Chapters

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It’s been hot minute since I last posted, literally. This past summer has been one of the hottest on record and not just because of menopause. Mother Nature must be in her 50’s this go around for it’s 30 degrees Celsius (that’s HOT for my American readers) on the 5th of October. With the change of season, on the calendar at least, I find myself pondering change. These past years have seen more changes for yours truly than my mood before doing some hard internal work and getting some good ol’ hormones. While pondering all the changes, I came across a quote that hit the mark – “Don’t judge me based on the chapter of my life you arrived in.”.

I celebrated my 53rd birthday in this earthly realm this past August. I celebrated with my mother, at a local grocery store, as I was her wheels for most of the summer as my father recovered from open heart surgery. Mom even joked “Isn’t this better than some party?”. Actually, it kind of was. Dad’s heart wasn’t in the best shape and it was a 6 hour surgery with 14 hours on a ventilator and a 2 week hospital stay. Knowing my 53rd birthday very well could have been one person short, I was quite content to be at a grocery store with my momma on my birthday and arriving at their front porch to see Dad smiling as I brought in the groceries.

These past months I’ve found myself looking at strangers wondering what chapter they are in. Are they beginning one? At the end of one? In the thick of one? I find myself being more patient – those who know me well have just fell off their chairs. Recovering from heart surgery is not for the faint of heart – pun intended. Everyday I kept having the same thought – what do people do who are on their own? I found myself wanting to scoop up all the lone patients and bring them home like some kind of stray puppy. Yes – I realize – kind of co-dependent – I’m working on it. Wondering if one could be co-dependent with the Universe? You found your girl, well, at least I used to be your girl, slowly closing that chapter and trying to begin the next one. Back to the tale at hand. While passing the patients, the families, the hospital staff, I found myself wondering who they were? What was their day like? Were they scared? Were they at peace? Which chapter was this for them? Was it their last? Are they wondering the same thing about me? I found myself hoping they were, because if they’re wondering about others, there is hope for us all after all.

If this past chapter has taught me anything it’s this, we have no say, no control of anything except ourselves, there’s been a few days I’ve forgotten that. Also, you cannot rewrite or edit yourself into or out of anyone else’s chapter, no matter how hard you try – trust me, I know of what I speak. Being a recovering co-dependent menopausal GenXer is such fun.

I’m not even going to go into what’s happening in the world. We are all very well aware and that is another chapter for another day. That being said, taking a moment to remind yourself that the chapter you are arriving in may not be the best chapter to judge others right now may be the best thing you can do for yourself and others.

health and wellness, lifestyle, Menopause, That girl in the red coat, Women

Taking a pause? *Update*

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Disclaimer * I am not a medical doctor, nor an expert. I’m a woman sharing her story in hopes of helping myself and others. Always educate yourself and speak with your doctor or medical professional

I have an update y’all! It’s been 12 days since my post about the lovely and oh so exciting symptoms of menopause. Since we last met, I have had my follow up with my Doctor, and let me say, this appointment went much better than the first. As I’ve told you, my initial appointment left me feeling unheard, unseen and, well, stupid. I felt a little gaslit to be honest. I asked for, then fought for my bloodwork. I headed over to the lab the minute I left her office, with my bloodwork requisition in hand, along with a mental health questionnaire sponsored by Pfizer (I shit you not, their logo was on the page), that my Doctor wanted me to fill out since I had told her I felt overwhelmed and my get up and go seemed to have gotten up and went. Let me tell you, waiting for my follow up appointment messed me up. How could I not be anxious about my follow up when my initial appointment went so well, and when I saw my estrogen levels weren’t on the bloodwork results. I’m telling you, thank goodness I’ve been healing and dealing this year, because a few years ago, I may have given up on all of this entirely.

So I arrive for my follow up, my little Pfizer packet in hand. I get in the office, hand over my filled out questionnaire to my doctor and take my seat. Being me, I had to speak first. I told her that I had completed the forms as requested and felt a little unheard in my last appointment and didn’t think I was depressed. To my delight and surprise she agreed, (did she read my blog?), and told me that she wanted me to fill out the forms for her own sake, that she knew I wasn’t depressed. She wanted my perspective from outside of the office. She brought up the fact my estrogen levels weren’t taken before I could ask about it. Her opinion was that of, I am 52, I had a hysterectomy (partial) 15 years ago, and from all the other bloodwork, all the results and my described symptoms, hormones were the culprit. She asked me what course of action I wanted to take, as we had discussed them last time. I told her I thought estrogen was my answer, that I wasn’t comfortable with NSRI’s. I know they can help women with the symptoms of menopause such as night sweats, brain fog, etc… . My concern is that is putting a band aid on a gaping wound. What I mean by that is, getting rid of the symptoms may help me sleep better and be more aware during the day, but what about my brain health? My bone health? My cardio health? (I know, I know, I smoke. I have cut down and am actually exercising again… yippee). As women, we need estrogen in our bodies and not just for procreation, thank you patriarchy. Estrogen is a key component in our endocrine system, so, it’s kind of important. FYI – one of the over 80 symptoms of menopause is elevated cholesterol. I left the office feeling heard, feeling seen and my low dose estrogen prescription in hand. We have a 6 week follow up booked to see how I’m feeling and a 6 month full work up booked as well.

I understand HRT (hormone replacement therapy) is scary for most of us to even think about. Mostly because of misinformation and skewed findings in the 1980’s/1990’s – look it up. HRT is not the same for every woman, nor is it for every woman, depending on your history, if you’ve had a hysterectomy or partial as I have had. I do have family history of ovarian and breast cancer, low risk, but still a risk, hence the follow ups with my Doctor. Fast forward to today. I’ve been taking my estrogen for 10 days, I’m sleeping better, I feel more aware and my shoulder pain that was at 90% for over 2 years is at maybe 10% to nonexistent. * Another fun fact – frozen shoulder can be a symptom of menopause. Yes. It’s early days, and maybe it’s all in my head – but isn’t everything? I honestly don’t think it’s in my head, typing that I realized that’s just programming, that as women we are trained to doubt ourselves. Well fuck that shit.

Here’s the deal. Be your own advocate. Listen to yourself. If you feel something is off, it usually is. This is the first time in, well forever, that menopause is being spoken of and actually beginning to get the attention it needs and is deserving of. It is nothing to embarrassed or ashamed of. It’s a natural progression of life, what is not natural is to have to suffer or to have ill health as we age.

Since I began blogging over 12 years ago, I have always professed kindness. To be kind to others, when and if you can. That when you know better, you do better. Well Beauties, today I’m reminding you that being kind to yourself is just as important, hell, it’s of the upmost importance. Taking care of your medical, spiritual, mental and physical health is the kindest thing you can do.

Beauty, health and wellness, lifestyle, Menopause, Women

Taking a pause?

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It’s been a minute. My last post was almost 9 months ago to the day – and NO! I did not have a baby or was I pregnant, and NO! my 27 year old did not have a baby, so no gramma over here either. Funny how the mind equates 9 months with pregnancy/babies. I’ve been on the fence about writing again, and today, I thought, screw it, so here I am. I did not plan on writing today, and I find it quite funny that this post lands almost 9 months to the day of my last post and I’m about to talk about menopause. Well played universe, well played.

To be clear, I am not an expert, nor am I an M.D.. I am however a woman dealing with the lovely and oh so wonderous effects of menopause. It’s been super fun as I had a partial hysterectomy (still have the ol’ ovaries) 15 years ago, so I don’t have the early warning system of my cycle ending. I do believe I may have jinxed myself as I would proudly profess how I had no ill effects of such an early hysterectomy. Once again, the universe has a sense of humor. Over the past year I’ve had an array of adventures from insomnia, mood swings that would put a teenager to shame, weight gain from looking at a cookie, brain fog, forgetting what I was, what was I gonna write? (you gotta laugh), forgetting what seemed like everything, but not all the time, oh and my all time favorite night sweats that are so bad I thought I pissed the bed, yes, I said pissed the bed, keeping it real. I realized after one fun night of three night sweat episodes that it was time to make myself a priority. I had put everyone else’s needs in higher priority than my own. Loved ones facing physical and mental health issues, aging parents, job loss – a story for another time, I kept telling myself “it’ll pass.”. It didn’t and it hasn’t.

So I called my Doctor. When I arrived at my appointment I told her how I’d been feeling, the night sweats etc…, and that I didn’t have the get up and go that I normally have. I admitted I hadn’t been exercising as I should and that yes, I still smoke. I know, I know! I am quitting. I have cut down the amount I smoke by half and am planning to be done with it by the end of the month. I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I don’t gamble – give this menopausal woman something. Back to my appointment. I asked my doctor for a total blood work up, it’s been 2 years since my last one, to check my thyroid levels since I am dependent on medication due to my thyroidectomy. Also to check my hormones. She looked at me and said “Your hysterectomy was quite a while ago, with no issues.”, to which I told her, “well there’s a subscription to the issues now.”. Reminded her I still have my ovaries and the family history of ovarian cancer and early hysterectomies. She began to tell me options, such as hormone replacements and the various types and then added that the body ages and in the past women just dealt with it and the body adapted. Pardon me? What was that? Just as I had finished looking around her office for a caveman to pop out from the corner, I was offered another alternative! Anti depressants! Because you know, “many women find it helpful when they feel overwhelmed with everything.”. Once my head stopped spinning I told her no thank you, to which I was told “they are not addictive”. After asking about the side effects and almost spun into that web, I once again said no and told her I would like the bloodwork done first and to see where all my levels were at, including my hormone levels. Spoiler alert! My hormone levels weren’t on the bloodwork requisition. I have a follow up appointment this week, so I’m gonna try this again.

*to be clear, I have no issues with anti depressants. They have helped many who I hold near and dear. I do have issues with them being given out like Pez from a Pez dispenser.

So, why tell you about this? Selfishly to help myself, and also to hopefully help someone else. That someone will see their story in mine. If you’re between 35 – 55, hormones are our friends and our foes. To remind you and me to speak up, to advocate for ourselves. That it is just fine to question your doctor, and that you are not crazy! Our hormones are needed for brain health and mental and physical health. I highly recommend Dr. Mary Claire Haver MD. You can find her on Instagram and all socials.

I’m not sure where all this is going to lead, I do know knowledge is power and it’s up to us to embrace our power, plain and simple.