health and wellness, Menopause, Women

The Doctor will see you now

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I woke up this morning thinking of a few of my friends. I have a few fabulous women in my life that are really going through it. Different stages. Different issues. Same anxieties and fears. Same feeling of “that they are alone in this.”. It got me to thinking how so many of us are sitting in a crowded room feeling like we are the only ones there. That we’re told, or reared by society to be still. Be quiet. Don’t complain. Be grateful for what you have. Well, that’s all fine and dandy but those are hard pills to swallow when you hear “The Doctor will see you now.”.

I first heard those words at 28 when my body decided to add a growth on my thyroid. We had rented a movie, we had the windows open because central air wasn’t ours yet and I felt a mosquito land on my neck. I went to swat it away and low and behold I felt a lump – 4 cm, thank you very much. We were watching The Green Mile. I shit you not. This is my life. Doctor’s visits. Biopsies. Surgical consults. A hemi thyroidectomy, as the other lobe was healthy and pink. Fast forward 3 years. 31 years old. Sitting in my living room, waiting for hubby to get off a phone call when out of nowhere, I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was being choked. Rush to the ER to find the other lobe felt ignored so it grew a honeycomb of cysts that decided not to drain. 6 cm, thank you very much. Doctor’s visits. Biopsies. Surgical consults. This time around I got to have 12 cc’s of blood drained out of my neck every week until my surgery date. I didn’t mind waiting 3 months – I found out I was going to have the best Otolaryngologist in the province, maybe in the country. Fast forward 6 years, I thought I was lactose intolerant or it was a gall bladder attack. NOPE! Fibroid on my uterus, 20cm x 11cm x 14cm – https://thatgirlintheredcoat.com/2014/10/06/i-thought-it-was-my-abs/ . Again, this is my life. Again, Doctor’s visits. Biopsies. Surgical consults. “The doctor will see you now” became an even mixture of anxiety and hope – a very strange concoction to feel to say the least.

I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m hoping today’s tale might help someone feel less alone. I say it all the time. If more people talked about the things you don’t talk about at parties, the world would be a better place and we would feel less alone.

  • Medical tests are scary. You’re anxious? Good! It means you’re paying attention.
  • Stay Off WEB MD
  • Ask questions. If you don’t understand a word or terminology, say so. There’s no shame in that – this is their profession – not yours.
  • Talk a medical professional – not Chat GPT
  • Keep asking questions until you feel you understand what’s happening.
  • Stay Off WEB MD
  • Reach out to friends. Ask if they know of anyone going through the same thing, or if they have had a medical scare – you’d be surprised how many people are willing to help.
  • DO NOT go down the “should of, could of” road. Trust me. It doesn’t help. Focus on moving forward, because you can’t go back – unless you’re H.G. Wells.
  • Ask for help. Tell your boss what’s going on. Let your neighbors know. Again, you’ll be surprised how many people want to help. People are intrinsically good. They are.
  • It’s ok to cry, scream, pout or just sit there. This is about you and what makes you comfortable – not what makes everyone else comfortable.

I’ll admit, when all of this was happening for me, I had many “why me?” moments. I had days I didn’t want to leave the house because of my scar – kind of hard to hide a 4 inch scar on your neck. As time often does, it taught me why. I’d like to think it was so I can be there for others. A hand to hold. A voice of reason. A listening and sympathetic ear. There were times I felt I was on my own. If I can help one person not feel that way, even for a moment, that’s reason enough for me.

Anything medical can be scary. I’ve found facing my fears made it a little less scary, I said a little less. They say knowledge is power. It is. We cannot control what is happening, but understanding it shines a light under the bed to show there are no monsters there. Be well Beauties. Be well.

beauty, health and wellness, lifestyle, Menopause, Sunday Confessions, Women

Sunday Confessions

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It’s Sunday morning on my corner of the globe. My day began without the shrill of an alarm, the smell of fresh coffee brewing and the sun peeking through the cracks in the blinds. My kind of morning. As I was sipping my coffee I found myself in reflection and question, something that is happening more and more these days. Reflecting on past days and questioning them at the same time. Not in a “did that happen” kinda way, in a “I wonder why” kinda way. As I was walking through the living room, the thought, more a voice in my head to be quite honest was “you should write today.”. So here I am.

Since it’s Sunday, why not return to my Sunday Confessions. They started in 2013, https://thatgirlintheredcoat.com/2013/06/09/sunday-confession/ , on a Sunday morning when I realized I had had it with the bullshit that they try to, and succeed at, feed young girls and women about beauty and self image. I’m sad to say, that in 13 years, not much has changed. They’re still trying to spoon feed us the same rhetoric, disguised as wellness and yes, I’m still sick of the bullshit.

Over the past weeks, I have seen and heard women who I deem fabulous cut themselves down to size, a size that they are told they should be. They’re doing too much. They’re doing too little. They’re overweight. They’re underweight. They’re not getting enough protein – don’t even get me started on that one. The list goes on, I’d give myself carpel tunnel if I listed them all. Oh, and trust me when I say, I’m not immune to the above. Just this morning, I almost didn’t make an iced coffee to accompany me at my laptop. Yup. My favorite morning treat, a fabulous mix with a splash of caramel coffee creamer, and I almost didn’t make it because of a shitty comment made about women and their “midlife mid section”. Thankfully my true voice stepped forward and said “Fuck that Shit!” and here I am sipping and typing away.

To be clear, huge fan of health, wellness and longevity. What I’m not a fan of? Using them as some sort of holy trinity. Using them as a weapon or marketing tool used to disempower instead of empower. Making women feel like they are failing at life because they aren’t tracking their daily protein intake – for Christ’s sake Sharon – I can barely track my thoughts some days. Another thing that burns me up? Too many “experts” and “life coaches” giving great advice that makes you start feeling “I can do this” and then hitting you up with a price tag. FYI – most of your audience does not have a discretionary fund at their beckon call. Most are just trying to survive and do the best they can with what they have. The click bait is astounding to me. Listen, I’ve been in sales and customer service for over 35 years, and these suckers are good! Half the time, I don’t see the sales pitch coming. Good for them, but not so good for us.

As a lover of lists, I’ve compiled a little something for all my 40 plus gals. A how to if you will. I’m not an expert, nor am I a life coach. I’m just a woman trying to keep on keepin’ on, as most of us are.

  • If you are able, go get your bloodwork done. Check your blood pressure. Give yourself a base line. – I understand that depending which country you live in, a medical visit may cost you. Another reason I’m grateful for Canadian healthcare – to the haters – not now.
  • Take what you will from a Tik Tok /Instagram post, with a grain of salt. If it interests you, do a bit more research. My favorite go to is the Mayo Clinic website.
  • Before you try any new supplement/regime – make sure there are no medication absorption disruptions. I’m on thyroid hormone since I don’t have one anymore and you’d be surprised how may supplements I can’t take because they interfere with my medication. Disruption = a really bad couple of days. “Your skin looks terrific!” – “Thanks! I feel like shit and can’t get off the toilet!” – what’s the point of that?
  • Water supplements/ flavor enhancers – those sneaky buggers – some have fine print that states “do not take within 3 hours before or after certain medications.” – Your water may taste great but it could give you heart palpations. I don’t know about you, but those aren’t the heart flutters I want.
  • You do not need to get a second job to take care of yourself. Close your Amazon cart, go to the kitchen, pick up two soup cans, and lift them as you go up and down your stairs. Eat an apple.
  • Sit down, Lower your shoulders. Breathe in deep through your nose. Hold for the count of 2. Exhale through your mouth. Even once and you’ll feel a little more at ease. *If you feel emotional after you do this – that’s ok! You’re releasing my friend.
  • If you can tell the barista about your hemorrhoids, I think you can talk to a licensed professional about your concerns “down there”.
  • Stop calling any body part below your navel “down there”. If you can look up the newest slang on Urban Dictionary, you can look up the proper names/terms for your body.
  • You do not need to have the latest and greatest wellness tool to matter.

Take it easy on yourself. Try your best to do what is best for you today. You miss a day? There is always tomorrow. Trust me when I say this, the people who matter don’t give shit if your skin is glowing, they want to see you spirit glowing. The ones commenting on your appearance – they’re selling something – they are not your people. The ones who compliment your appearance – those are your people.

Be kind, to yourself. Plain and Simple.

health and wellness, lifestyle, Menopause, That girl in the red coat, Women

Life Preserver

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I don’t know about you all, I feel like I have been bouncing between treading water to just keeping my head above water. Between the news, the world events, menopause, being a member of the sandwich generation, the patriarchy and fascism rearing it’s ugly head, it is easy to feel like we are drowning. I’m sure you’ve noticed I haven’t written in a while. There are many reasons, mostly because whenever I sat to write I was either overcome with “who gives a shit” or I would just type the word “Fuck” over and over.

Last week I had a meltdown. My poor husband getting to be the soul audience member of my snot nosed, ugly cry temper tantrum/fit/ stomp fest 2026. He sat quietly, let me say what I needed to say ( thanks to 30+ years of marriage, he now knows just to let me go and I will return to myself, I just need a minute.). He asked me if talking to someone would help. I admitted I’d thought about it, therapy saved my spirit in my teens, truly. Then I said something out loud that I’d only been thinking. “I think I need to start writing again.” . So here we are my beauties.

Also, thank you to all who have been continuing to read my past words, somedays this little blog of mine gets 100 views. When I shared this news with certain people who I now know may not be my people, they said that the views are bots or AI reading my words. I realized that I was allowing their words to feed the wrong wolf. I started this blog to help myself and others feel better about themselves, how to use their hair products. It began to morph into something else at the same time. A how to be kind, or not to be an asshole – take your pick. Most of my past posts that have been getting attention as of late are those exact ones – about kindness, about hope, about how not to be an asshole.

So, this little blog of mine is slowly getting a revamp. A life preserver for yours truly and in turn for you, that is my hope. I believe truth is beautiful, and taking the time to tell those you care about when they are awesome and when their assholery is showing. There is still so much good in the world, yet we are bombarded with the ugly. “Look for the helpers” – I’m going to try to take a page from Mr. Rogers play book – although my language is more like Mr. Robinsons – those of us over 40 will get the SNL reference.

Know this. It’s okay to want to scream into the void. It’s okay to be looking around wondering what the actual fuck is happening. It is okay to weep for the world, for the loss of human rights, the overturn of Roe vs Wade, the corruption of government. It is okay to feel rage because this is not the world we wanted for our children – seriously, I apologize to my daughter at least once a week for the state of the world – another tale for another time. It is okay to get down – it is not okay to let those bastards keep you down. The ways we slowly get back up? Give to your local food bank. Check in on your neighbours. Feed the birds. Get outside and stare at the clouds. Share the good news with the not so good. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Be silly. Rest.

We truly are in this together. It’s one world. Lets keep each other afloat.

communication, health and wellness, lifestyle, Menopause, parenting, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Chapters

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It’s been hot minute since I last posted, literally. This past summer has been one of the hottest on record and not just because of menopause. Mother Nature must be in her 50’s this go around for it’s 30 degrees Celsius (that’s HOT for my American readers) on the 5th of October. With the change of season, on the calendar at least, I find myself pondering change. These past years have seen more changes for yours truly than my mood before doing some hard internal work and getting some good ol’ hormones. While pondering all the changes, I came across a quote that hit the mark – “Don’t judge me based on the chapter of my life you arrived in.”.

I celebrated my 53rd birthday in this earthly realm this past August. I celebrated with my mother, at a local grocery store, as I was her wheels for most of the summer as my father recovered from open heart surgery. Mom even joked “Isn’t this better than some party?”. Actually, it kind of was. Dad’s heart wasn’t in the best shape and it was a 6 hour surgery with 14 hours on a ventilator and a 2 week hospital stay. Knowing my 53rd birthday very well could have been one person short, I was quite content to be at a grocery store with my momma on my birthday and arriving at their front porch to see Dad smiling as I brought in the groceries.

These past months I’ve found myself looking at strangers wondering what chapter they are in. Are they beginning one? At the end of one? In the thick of one? I find myself being more patient – those who know me well have just fell off their chairs. Recovering from heart surgery is not for the faint of heart – pun intended. Everyday I kept having the same thought – what do people do who are on their own? I found myself wanting to scoop up all the lone patients and bring them home like some kind of stray puppy. Yes – I realize – kind of co-dependent – I’m working on it. Wondering if one could be co-dependent with the Universe? You found your girl, well, at least I used to be your girl, slowly closing that chapter and trying to begin the next one. Back to the tale at hand. While passing the patients, the families, the hospital staff, I found myself wondering who they were? What was their day like? Were they scared? Were they at peace? Which chapter was this for them? Was it their last? Are they wondering the same thing about me? I found myself hoping they were, because if they’re wondering about others, there is hope for us all after all.

If this past chapter has taught me anything it’s this, we have no say, no control of anything except ourselves, there’s been a few days I’ve forgotten that. Also, you cannot rewrite or edit yourself into or out of anyone else’s chapter, no matter how hard you try – trust me, I know of what I speak. Being a recovering co-dependent menopausal GenXer is such fun.

I’m not even going to go into what’s happening in the world. We are all very well aware and that is another chapter for another day. That being said, taking a moment to remind yourself that the chapter you are arriving in may not be the best chapter to judge others right now may be the best thing you can do for yourself and others.

health and wellness, lifestyle, Menopause, That girl in the red coat, Women

Taking a pause? *Update*

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Disclaimer * I am not a medical doctor, nor an expert. I’m a woman sharing her story in hopes of helping myself and others. Always educate yourself and speak with your doctor or medical professional

I have an update y’all! It’s been 12 days since my post about the lovely and oh so exciting symptoms of menopause. Since we last met, I have had my follow up with my Doctor, and let me say, this appointment went much better than the first. As I’ve told you, my initial appointment left me feeling unheard, unseen and, well, stupid. I felt a little gaslit to be honest. I asked for, then fought for my bloodwork. I headed over to the lab the minute I left her office, with my bloodwork requisition in hand, along with a mental health questionnaire sponsored by Pfizer (I shit you not, their logo was on the page), that my Doctor wanted me to fill out since I had told her I felt overwhelmed and my get up and go seemed to have gotten up and went. Let me tell you, waiting for my follow up appointment messed me up. How could I not be anxious about my follow up when my initial appointment went so well, and when I saw my estrogen levels weren’t on the bloodwork results. I’m telling you, thank goodness I’ve been healing and dealing this year, because a few years ago, I may have given up on all of this entirely.

So I arrive for my follow up, my little Pfizer packet in hand. I get in the office, hand over my filled out questionnaire to my doctor and take my seat. Being me, I had to speak first. I told her that I had completed the forms as requested and felt a little unheard in my last appointment and didn’t think I was depressed. To my delight and surprise she agreed, (did she read my blog?), and told me that she wanted me to fill out the forms for her own sake, that she knew I wasn’t depressed. She wanted my perspective from outside of the office. She brought up the fact my estrogen levels weren’t taken before I could ask about it. Her opinion was that of, I am 52, I had a hysterectomy (partial) 15 years ago, and from all the other bloodwork, all the results and my described symptoms, hormones were the culprit. She asked me what course of action I wanted to take, as we had discussed them last time. I told her I thought estrogen was my answer, that I wasn’t comfortable with NSRI’s. I know they can help women with the symptoms of menopause such as night sweats, brain fog, etc… . My concern is that is putting a band aid on a gaping wound. What I mean by that is, getting rid of the symptoms may help me sleep better and be more aware during the day, but what about my brain health? My bone health? My cardio health? (I know, I know, I smoke. I have cut down and am actually exercising again… yippee). As women, we need estrogen in our bodies and not just for procreation, thank you patriarchy. Estrogen is a key component in our endocrine system, so, it’s kind of important. FYI – one of the over 80 symptoms of menopause is elevated cholesterol. I left the office feeling heard, feeling seen and my low dose estrogen prescription in hand. We have a 6 week follow up booked to see how I’m feeling and a 6 month full work up booked as well.

I understand HRT (hormone replacement therapy) is scary for most of us to even think about. Mostly because of misinformation and skewed findings in the 1980’s/1990’s – look it up. HRT is not the same for every woman, nor is it for every woman, depending on your history, if you’ve had a hysterectomy or partial as I have had. I do have family history of ovarian and breast cancer, low risk, but still a risk, hence the follow ups with my Doctor. Fast forward to today. I’ve been taking my estrogen for 10 days, I’m sleeping better, I feel more aware and my shoulder pain that was at 90% for over 2 years is at maybe 10% to nonexistent. * Another fun fact – frozen shoulder can be a symptom of menopause. Yes. It’s early days, and maybe it’s all in my head – but isn’t everything? I honestly don’t think it’s in my head, typing that I realized that’s just programming, that as women we are trained to doubt ourselves. Well fuck that shit.

Here’s the deal. Be your own advocate. Listen to yourself. If you feel something is off, it usually is. This is the first time in, well forever, that menopause is being spoken of and actually beginning to get the attention it needs and is deserving of. It is nothing to embarrassed or ashamed of. It’s a natural progression of life, what is not natural is to have to suffer or to have ill health as we age.

Since I began blogging over 12 years ago, I have always professed kindness. To be kind to others, when and if you can. That when you know better, you do better. Well Beauties, today I’m reminding you that being kind to yourself is just as important, hell, it’s of the upmost importance. Taking care of your medical, spiritual, mental and physical health is the kindest thing you can do.

beauty, health and wellness, lifestyle, Menopause, Women

Taking a pause?

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It’s been a minute. My last post was almost 9 months ago to the day – and NO! I did not have a baby or was I pregnant, and NO! my 27 year old did not have a baby, so no gramma over here either. Funny how the mind equates 9 months with pregnancy/babies. I’ve been on the fence about writing again, and today, I thought, screw it, so here I am. I did not plan on writing today, and I find it quite funny that this post lands almost 9 months to the day of my last post and I’m about to talk about menopause. Well played universe, well played.

To be clear, I am not an expert, nor am I an M.D.. I am however a woman dealing with the lovely and oh so wonderous effects of menopause. It’s been super fun as I had a partial hysterectomy (still have the ol’ ovaries) 15 years ago, so I don’t have the early warning system of my cycle ending. I do believe I may have jinxed myself as I would proudly profess how I had no ill effects of such an early hysterectomy. Once again, the universe has a sense of humor. Over the past year I’ve had an array of adventures from insomnia, mood swings that would put a teenager to shame, weight gain from looking at a cookie, brain fog, forgetting what I was, what was I gonna write? (you gotta laugh), forgetting what seemed like everything, but not all the time, oh and my all time favorite night sweats that are so bad I thought I pissed the bed, yes, I said pissed the bed, keeping it real. I realized after one fun night of three night sweat episodes that it was time to make myself a priority. I had put everyone else’s needs in higher priority than my own. Loved ones facing physical and mental health issues, aging parents, job loss – a story for another time, I kept telling myself “it’ll pass.”. It didn’t and it hasn’t.

So I called my Doctor. When I arrived at my appointment I told her how I’d been feeling, the night sweats etc…, and that I didn’t have the get up and go that I normally have. I admitted I hadn’t been exercising as I should and that yes, I still smoke. I know, I know! I am quitting. I have cut down the amount I smoke by half and am planning to be done with it by the end of the month. I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I don’t gamble – give this menopausal woman something. Back to my appointment. I asked my doctor for a total blood work up, it’s been 2 years since my last one, to check my thyroid levels since I am dependent on medication due to my thyroidectomy. Also to check my hormones. She looked at me and said “Your hysterectomy was quite a while ago, with no issues.”, to which I told her, “well there’s a subscription to the issues now.”. Reminded her I still have my ovaries and the family history of ovarian cancer and early hysterectomies. She began to tell me options, such as hormone replacements and the various types and then added that the body ages and in the past women just dealt with it and the body adapted. Pardon me? What was that? Just as I had finished looking around her office for a caveman to pop out from the corner, I was offered another alternative! Anti depressants! Because you know, “many women find it helpful when they feel overwhelmed with everything.”. Once my head stopped spinning I told her no thank you, to which I was told “they are not addictive”. After asking about the side effects and almost spun into that web, I once again said no and told her I would like the bloodwork done first and to see where all my levels were at, including my hormone levels. Spoiler alert! My hormone levels weren’t on the bloodwork requisition. I have a follow up appointment this week, so I’m gonna try this again.

*to be clear, I have no issues with anti depressants. They have helped many who I hold near and dear. I do have issues with them being given out like Pez from a Pez dispenser.

So, why tell you about this? Selfishly to help myself, and also to hopefully help someone else. That someone will see their story in mine. If you’re between 35 – 55, hormones are our friends and our foes. To remind you and me to speak up, to advocate for ourselves. That it is just fine to question your doctor, and that you are not crazy! Our hormones are needed for brain health and mental and physical health. I highly recommend Dr. Mary Claire Haver MD. You can find her on Instagram and all socials.

I’m not sure where all this is going to lead, I do know knowledge is power and it’s up to us to embrace our power, plain and simple.