health and wellness, lifestyle, That girl in the red coat, Women, writing

Tell it like it is

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Yes, it’s been a while. 7 months have passed since I last sat down to write. My last post was in February, so it’s really been 9 months since my last post. I had written a few posts, but never posted them. Not out of worry or fear of judgement, I hung that hat up long ago. I didn’t post them because they weren’t genuine. I wasn’t speaking my truth. So, I took a break. Closed up my laptop and didn’t open it up again until an hour ago. After fighting with my internet connection telling me the password was incorrect and getting my millennial daughter to assure me I wasn’t a dinosaur, and that in fact my husband had changed the password, without writing it down, or giving a heads up, here I am, writing once again.

I began this blog over 12 years ago, when I was in the Beauty industry, with the hopes of helping anyone who hated their hair, to love it. Soon the blog morphed into all things, from self care, to speaking your truth, to the magic of kindness. When I left the Beauty industry, I kept writing about hair and beauty products, but the thrill was gone. I noticed and was being told by many that my blogs about truth, kindness, real life and my Sunday Confessions were the most popular and the posts most were waiting for. So, I started to focus on those, which were well received by everyone, but me. I felt I was living a lie. Giving advice and perspective that I wasn’t taking. Between 2016 -2019, my personal life was a shit show. Plain and simple. I will not go into all the details, for not all the stories are mine to tell, and loved ones deserve their privacy until I am told otherwise. So there I was, trying to be all for everyone, trying to keep the momentum of my blog and consulting business going while working full time, all the while, not being genuine. Speaking my half truth if you will. I was exhausted. All these “mentors” I know personally or through a mutual acquaintance, showing their thriving lives and businesses, having their talks about manifesting the right way, getting their “side hustle” on, were making me feel like a failure. Yes, I know only I control how I feel or how I receive something, just get on this train with me for a moment. I was doing all the things. I was journaling, I was networking, I made a vision board, you name it, I did it. ….but it never felt quite right. I was worried I was depressed, or menopause was taking over my life. (I had a partial hysterectomy 12 years ago, so my early warning system is gone.). Then one day, I realized why it never felt quite right. I wasn’t telling it like it is. In fact, many were not.

What I’m about to say may, and probably will piss some people off. If you choose to be an influencer, a mentor or a life coach, could you please stop with the “dream it and be it” bullshit. Please, just stop. Listen, I’m all about positivity, ask anyone who knows me. I will find the diamond in a mountain of coal. I will give myself a headache trying to find something good in a bad situation okay? But this positivity with no process, is depressing and makes your clients feel like a failure. Also, unless you have had to build yourself or your business without any financial help from a spouse, maybe ease up on the “I did it! You can too!”. Seriously, so many women I know, who are single mothers by the way, give up because they are comparing themselves to someone who isn’t 100% real. Anyone can build a business or a brand when they have a spouse at home who can cover the mortgage, or pick up the kids from soccer practice. It’s easy to do anything if you have a soft place to fall and someone else to pay the bills. I personally know people who put out the perfect life on social media and they can’t pay their bills and don’t talk to their husband. It’s time to start telling it like it is.

If you are searching for truth, real truth, start reading and following Mel Robbins and Glennon Doyle. I adore Mel Robbins and Glennon Doyle, these fierce women tell it like it is. They do not sugar coat their lives, they talk about their achievements and their down falls. They own their confidence and their anxiety. They are real. Real is what this world needs. Real is what I need, and I believe what you need too. As all Mothers know, having a baby is wonderful and beautiful and cute but there is also a lot of shit that comes with it, literally and figuratively.

For those who are struggling, feeling like a bad mother, a bad friend, a failure at your side hustle, take a breath. Again. You are okay. You are doing the best you can today. Tomorrow will be better, if not tomorrow, the next day. Look within for your answers, they are there. You may not like them, but they are there and they have lessons for you to learn. Stop comparing yourself to others, most only show the highlight reel.

I’m just a girl, sitting in front of a computer screen, trying to tell it like it is.

Business, communication, health and wellness, lifestyle, That girl in the red coat

Tales of Truth – The Covid-19 Diaries

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Here we are, day whatever of Covid-19. Some of us are still on lockdown, some are self isolating, some are in Phase 3 of reopening, some are back in Phase 2. Many are sick, and sadly many have left this earthy realm far too early. Parents are scrambling for daycare and with every sneeze their child has, worrying if their child will be allowed to go to school that day, all with the ever constant worry if they will have a job tomorrow. Teachers are trying to educate and discipline via Zoom. The list of change is endless. The one thing that hasn’t changed is retail. Yes, I realize the nature of retail has changed, the one constant is the behavior of the customer. Many are great, but as always, there are always those precious few that explain why there are warning labels on detergent. Here’s a glimpse of what retail life has been like over the course of the last few months, pre and post mandatory masks.

  • Social distancing is a concept many cannot grasp. Keeping 6 feet away from each other seems too hard to comprehend. I mean, I understand that all our lives women have been “told” what 6 inches is, but come on.
  • I have been called a bitch because I asked a customer, who was not wearing a mask, to back up so I could get her shoe for her.
  • My coworkers and I have been purposely coughed on while being told “Well, you got a mask”.
  • I’ve been told I’m a hoax believing lemming because I was disinfecting surfaces that countless numbers of people touch.
  • I had a customer tell me “I’m a truck driver that goes to the U.S. all the time. I’m supposed to be quarantining right now, but they can’t make me! I got a life to live!”.
  • Before mandatory masks, I was laughed at, pointed at, smirked at, told to “Speak up! I can’t understand you!” or ignored by customers because I chose to wear a mask.
  • I’ve had complete strangers walk right up to me, rub my arms and say “It’s too bad no one is taking Covid seriously”. … six feet Karen. Six feet.
  • A woman kept taking her mask off to sneeze, then touch her face, then touch the product, then put her mask back on.
  • A woman clipped her toe nails to see if that would make the shoe fit better. I shit you not. Pulled out her nail clippers in the store and clipped away.
  • A woman continued to stand right beside me, even after asking her to move away. Then complained that she couldn’t sit beside a woman (who was 6 feet away) because of Covid. …sigh
  • Every day, I am asked when stock is going to arrive, and many woman do not like that I don’t know. Some even get angry, some pout, some even tell me “This and you are bullshit”. FYI – many products weren’t even made. …pssstttt, China was shut down for months too.
  • Grown men have yelled at our part time teenage girls who ask them to sanitize before entering the store. Literally losing their shit, waving their arms, yelling “masks and hand sanitizers are bullshit”.

I could go on, you have no idea for how long. There have been lovely customers too.

  • I’ve been thanked for working during the past 5 months.
  • I’ve had customers give me a cash tip for helping them.
  • I’ve helped make our elderly customers feel comfortable and safe.
  • A woman with a portable oxygen tank had her mask on. I could see she was struggling. I told her she could pull it down for a moment if she needed. She said “No. It’s the rule and I want to protect you and me.”.
  • I’ve had customers come to my defense when another customer isn’t being so nice.
  • My coworkers and I have each others back.
  • My boss and the owner have come to our defense with irrational customers. They will come and take over the sale for us.
  • My work place is doing their best to protect us.

Here’s the deal. Believe it or not (that’s your choice), Covid-19 is here, and it’s gonna be around for a while. Be prepared that you may not get the fall boot you’ve had your eye on. There are stock shortages everywhere – tried to get any Lysol wipes lately? I get it. It’s frustrating. It’s a royal pain in the ass. Wearing a mask isn’t fun – try wearing one for 9+ hours a day. I know you miss your friends and family, so do I. I too miss the days of my only morning thought on my way to work was “What should I make for dinner”. It sucks. Plain and Simple. How about trying not to make it suck more for yourself and others.

Be kind. Be patient. Think about others. Try to remember every sales person is doing the best they can, some days better than others, some days worse, no one is perfect. Try to remember, just like you, they have no control over what is happening. All we can do is control ourselves.

Business, communication, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat

Tales of Truth – The Covid-19 Diaries

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Well, I know what day it is, finally! Yours truly has just finished a 45.5 hour work week in 5 days. Going from 2 months off and life going at my own pace to meal prep, schedules and watching the clock was tough. Physically, emotionally and mentally. It’s a new world out there folks. It is not business as usual. As you know, from my last post, Ontario has reopened store front retail stores. I don’t know how it’s been for other shops, let me tell you, we were busy. My employers have been fantastic. Truly going on and above to help their staff feel safe. Social distancing measures in place. People manning the door to control the flow of people entering and exiting the store. Hand sanitizer wherever you turn. A sanitizing spray to use on every item touched or tried on. Gloves and masks available if we need them. For this I am grateful. The majority of the public at large have been behaving themselves. They listen to our instruction about not touching everything, to ask for our assistance. To be patient with us, for a sale may take longer than usual. Unfortunately, their have been the “others”. … think Fox news and you’ll get what I’m putting down. So, me being who I am and keeping it real, I thought I share some of the good, the bad and the ugly. Let us start with the ugly and end with the good.

  • we were open all of 20 minutes when a grown man asked to use the bathroom. Under Covid-19 restrictions, all public bathrooms are closed. I apologized and told him we couldn’t open the bathroom to him. He told me “I really gotta go!” to which I apologized once more. He leaned in and said “Fine. I’ll just go take a piss in your parking lot! How’d you like that?”.  …sigh
  • A man kept looking at me as I was helping a woman, so as I walked past I said hello. He smirked at me and said “nice mask” then chuckled. I stopped, looked him straight in the eye and told him my mother made it for me. He then looked down and told me it was a nice mask.
  • I was helping a couple and my coworker looked over at me wide eyed because the couple was so close to me their shoulders were touching mine. … this is after I asked for them to move back. *this is one more reason I wear my mask
  • I asked a woman to please step back. She told me she never gets sick so she couldn’t have anything and didn’t move. I asked her again to please step back and she told me she didn’t know what the big deal is since things aren’t as bad as the news says, and still didn’t move. I told her if a bylaw officer comes in she could be fined. She moved.
  • A women laughed at my coworker, and 17 year old girl, and told her the sanitizing spray we were using on our products was, and I quote “Bullshit. It doesn’t do anything.”.
  • I lost count of the people complaining the government opened things up to early… as they were standing in our store, buying things.
  • At least 10 times a day I was told “I’m sick of this shit! I have rights!” …. blah, blah, blah.

 

Now for the good;

  • A visually impaired lady was worried about me. She had to get close to me to see the shoes she was buying. Before she leaned in she asked me if I was comfortable helping her. Asked me if I needed a mask. I leaned in so she could see my mask, I thanked her for her kindness and told her I was fine helping her out.
  • An elderly gentleman came in with his hands in his pockets, told me he wasn’t being rude, he was keeping his hands in his pockets to remind himself not to touch anything and ask us to help him.
  • A little boy, maybe 4 years old scolded his mother. All I could hear from a row over was “Mommy! They said no touching! You need to listen!”.
  • Many people, especially our elderly customers were very kind. Very thankful for our help. A few told me they missed us and were happy to see we were all okay.
  • A bride and I were almost in tears together. Her wedding had been cancelled, she couldn’t get any of her deposits back and the shoes she had ordered were delayed online. She had made alternate wedding plans but still no shoes and had a limited budget. We had the exact pair and size she needed, at the price she needed too. She was so happy, she couldn’t stop smiling.

The owner and my manager have been terrific. We can text them if we are overwhelmed. We can take a break if we need it. When a customer doesn’t want to abide by the new health regulations, my boss gives them the option to do so or leave. They have our and every customers best interest at heart.

I know we’ve all been cooped up for too long. I know you just want to get out. All I’m asking is you do so in a proper, kind and courteous manner. Abide by the regulations. Wash your hands. Use the sanitizer provided. Practice social distancing and keep 6 feet apart. Stop touching everything you see. Please try to remember that the staff that is helping you is dealing with the new regulations as well. We are trying to adjust to the “new normal” too. We are anxious too. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring either. We have to wait in line at the grocery store too. We have worries about our kids going back to school or who’s going to watch our kids this summer. If our parents are going to be okay. The list is endless.

Remember, we are all in this together. It may not be in the same boat, but it is the same water.

health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, writing

Tales of Truth – The Covid-19 Diaries

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It’s official. Day 60 of Covid-19 lockdown has arrived. I have officially been home for 2 months. After 47.5 years on this planet I made bread. I made jam. I decorated the squirrel feeder my hubby made me with my daughter’s old Barbie toys… cake, teapot and cups. I’ve done 18 puzzles. Read a few books. Ran errands for friends and family. Strategically planned grocery store runs and produce pick up. Cooked every damn day. Emptied the garbage…. don’t even get me started on the fact that there are two other adults in my house. Woke up every day wondering what day it was. Went a little overboard with online shopping and I have to admit I have forgotten some of what I purchased. Every time I hear the door bell I wonder what will be waiting for me outside. A puzzle? A book? Baking supplies? A zebra?

Well, as of tomorrow I will know the date as it is time for yours truly to head back to work. The province of Ontario has given the go ahead for retail stores with a street store front to reopen. … and I gotta admit, I’m a little nervous.

I know how fortunate I am to have a job waiting for me. Many employees and owners of small businesses, large and small cannot say the same. The owners and management of my store have all the PPE we need, masks, gloves, hand sanitizer, sanitizer spray for all surfaces, social distancing measures in place and for this I am grateful. I am confident in myself and my co workers to abide by the new policies and procedures, not so confident of the general public. Before you start in on me about my previous statement, I’m just keeping it real people. I know most of us are behaving ourselves. I also have it on good authority that some are not. … and no, my source is not Fox News or CNN. Many people I know have been working with the public since day one of the Covid-19 crisis and unfortunately have run into some people that are, lets say, from the shallow end of the gene pool.

As of late, every time you turn on the television or scroll social media, someone, somewhere has a new theory. A new opinion. That Covid-19 isn’t that bad. That it’s a government plot. The Democrats made it up to bring down Trump. That the aliens are behind it all. I could go on but I fear I may start to gag. Here’s the deal;

  • I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure the government is not behind the lock down. In the past, their claim to fame hasn’t been their financial generosity.

 

  • As for the people that say “it’s not so bad” … ummm, yeah it is. It just seems not so bad to you because you are healthy.

 

  • The Democrats did not make this up. Democrats are getting sick too. … and as for Trump, he is so low there is no way to bring him down any lower.

 

  • As for the aliens….I got nothin’.

Unfortunately we are also privy to;

  • Many a “Karen” on social media and in person I’m sorry to say, ranting about having to wear a mask.

 

  • I’ve heard a grown man in the check out line at the grocery store shout “It ain’t my fault for the virus! Whatcha so afraid of? Open up another damn cashier!” – by the way, this gent was wearing a mask and gloves. I finally saw an oxymoron in human form.

 

  • People complaining about having to follow the arrows on the floor at the grocery store. Yes. It’s a pain. Yes. It can be a nuisance. No, it’s not okay to shout at the 15 year old employee about how much of a pain and nuisance it is.

 

I get that masks are uncomfortable. So are ventilators. I get that standing 6 feet apart is a nuisance. I would rather stand 6 feet from someone then not being able to be 6 feet near someone if they are in the hospital. I get it’s scary. We aren’t in total control anymore… like we ever really were. Every day there seems to be a new rule. It can be hard to grasp what’s what. I get it. You gotta remember. We are all in this together. I don’t mean in a “kumbaya” sort of way, not even in a “we’re in the same boat” kind of way. What I mean is, more often that not, we are all anxious. We are all weary. We are all suspicious. We are all sad. We are all wondering what’s next for us and for the world. We are all trying to adjust to this new normal. We are all hopeful. No matter your age, race or gender, we all wake up everyday feeling one or all these things.

Wear a mask when needed or asked. Be kind. … and wash your damn hands.

 

*Side note, I know some Karens that are actually quite nice.

Beauty, health and wellness, lifestyle, Sunday Confessions, That girl in the red coat

Tales of Truth – The Covid-19 Diaries

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So there I was, sipping my coffee, looking out the window at the grey and gloomy skies thinking “typical Monday” until I realized it is in fact Sunday. I don’t know about you, but losing track of what day it is, or what day something happened or something someone said freaks me out a little. It doesn’t help that Alzheimer’s and dementia runs in my family. So I find myself making myself recite dates, times and memories to lock them in my memory vault. Yes, I am fully aware that my anxiety and OCD is showing, but here we are.

I find myself checking the fridge and freezer more than I should. Not for snacks….not every time. I find myself double checking that I did in fact buy enough food the last time I went to the grocery store to last us 2 weeks. I try to only go every 2 weeks. Trying my best to stay home. This Thursday coming is my planned grocery day. I’m already feeling a little tight in the chest about it. I find myself planning my “aisle route”, double checking I have a mask and hand sanitizer in my purse, that I have enough cash in case the debit is down, how to get the food in the house, should I wipe it down first or wipe myself down first …and it’s only Monday…I mean Sunday. When I realize what I’m doing to myself, I try to calm down. I try to change my mind. More often than not, I find myself in my garage having a cigarette. … I know. I know! Smoking is bad for me, especially in these times. Cut a girl some slack okay? I don’t even know what day it is. … and although it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, there is no booze in my house.

Most days I’m good. More or less feel like myself, make the most of things. Do a puzzle. Bake anything. Clean around the house. Play a game with the family. Call up friends. Check in on those who need help. Share funny posts and good news on Instagram. Go for a walk. Stand in my backyard and feel the breeze on my face. Then there are the days that I’m just sitting there, literally sitting there, not reading or listening to anything or watching T.V. and all of a sudden my eyes fill up. I’m on the verge of crying. Usually first thing in the morning. I’m always the first one up, so the house is quiet = more time to think. I don’t even know what I’m crying about. I think it’s just a release. My spirit letting go of stress, of the should have and could haves, maybe even grieving a little bit. Grieving for changed plans, or plans lost. Grieving for my dear friends who have lost loved ones these past few weeks. Grieving for the families and communities in Nova Scotia. Missing my Gramma Leah and her words of wisdom and fabulous recipes.

The point of this tale is not to cordially invite you to my pity party. It’s written in hopes of helping anyone who is feeling the same way. To let you know it’s okay to feel like you’re losing yourself. It’s okay to be scared that you may bring something home with you other than groceries. It’s okay to be happy and it’s okay to be sad. There is no right or wrong way to feel. We are all in this together.

Wash your hands. Stay home as much as possible. Check in on your family. Check on your friends and neighbours. Laugh when you want to. Cry when you need to. It’s going to be alright.

Beauty, health and wellness, lifestyle, That girl in the red coat

Tales of Truth – The Covid-19 Diaries

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Everyday is a new day. … not sure what day it is but it is a new day. I’ve been filling my days with household chores, errands for friends, surprise drop offs at the doors of those I hold dear – the adult version of Nicky, Nicky, Nine door … ring the doorbell then run like hell. Netflix, news, Facebook, Instagram seem to fill the empty hours. Watching funny videos on Tic Toc, seeing people make the best of their isolation/quarantine does give me hope for the coming days. Speaking of hope, today I decided to create a new Tales of Truth series, to help rid any guilt of feeling like you aren’t accomplishing enough, to let you know we’re all in this together and we all have bad days. That it’s okay to be bothered by the sounds of your spouse’s chewing. That it’s okay to be annoyed with your kids. That is is totally normal to lock yourself in your car on the driveway to escape your family.

Yes, I try to spread some joy everyday. Yes, I run to the store for those who cannot. Yes, I share inspirational videos and sassy jokes to make others smile. I also tell my kitchen mat to “Fuck Off!” when I trip on it. In the past days/weeks/months I have been known to;

  • Talk to the squirrels in my backyard. My hubby made them a picnic table and I wanted to know why they knocked the bowl off it.
  • Interrupt my daughter as she was trying to tell me something that inspired her. Yep. Mother of the Year over here. With her eyes glistening with delight wanting to share her inspiration I spoke over her “go down stairs and get some garlic bread out of the freezer.”.
  • Grumble under my breath about how there are 3 adults in my home but I am the only one who can see the full garbage can. I know they know where it is…they use it all the time.
  • I find myself going from room to room looking for my glasses (cheaters actually, was going to go get glasses then Covid-19 came to town), only to find them on my head. Yes, I am officially old.
  • I yell at the television, mostly when Trump opens his big mouth.
  • Ironed every piece of clothing in the house
  • Put my earbuds in when my daughter and husband are talking. IN MY DEFENSE, they have created new languages, no words, just sounds. Sometimes they sing silently to each other. Yes, singing silently is apparently a thing.
  • Take a picture of dirty dishes on the counter and send it to friends to see if they can see them. Making sure that dirty dish blindness doesn’t exist like full garbage can blindness does.
  • Rearrange my baking cupboard 4 times because it just didn’t have the right flow.
  • Go on Pinterest and pin recipes that I will never make…. just keeping it real people.
  • Literally jump up and down like a child in excitement that I found a site that still has jigsaw puzzles … http://www.jigsawjungle.com
  • Monitor the paper towel usage in my home…. who am I?
  • Scare the poor clerk at my local corner store. They had flour and when I saw it I sort of shouted “Yes!”. …I apologized.
  • Look at my exercise bike
  • Go through my 2020 planner and laugh and laugh and laugh.

So there you go folks. A little glimpse into my Covid-19 life. It ain’t all moonlight and roses and that’s alright. We are gonna get through this. We are. It’s okay to be down, it’s okay to be scared of the unknown days that lie before us. It’s okay to laugh and it’s okay to pout. Hoping this brings a smile to your face and reminds you that we are all in this together.

Beauty, health and wellness, lifestyle, Women

My cup runneth over

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More often than not, when you read the phrase “My cup runneth over” you immediately picture abundance. A happy, fulfilled life filled with blessing. As of late, when I hear “My cup runneth over” I picture an overwhelmed woman , emotionally, mentally and physically. Why do I picture such a woman? I picture her because I am her.

The last few years, especially the last 6 months, my life has been turned around, flopped upside down and all around. The events in my life have been affecting me 100%, unfortunately most of the reasons have nothing to do with me personally. That’s a tough thing to deal with – things in your life that affect you and you have to deal with that really don’t have anything to do with you. * my blog today may seem vague in some ways, that is because some of the stories are not mine to tell and I do not want to break confidences or name names, without permission to do so.

Someone I hold dear is battling an addiction, winning that battle these past few months, but battling none the less. Addiction is a ninja. It creeps in without you seeing it until it’s directly in front of you. It’s a thief too. It steals your trust, your self awareness, your sense of reality, your sense of truth… and this is what it does to those of us dealing with an addict…I can not imagine what it must be like for the addict themselves. I have gone through so many emotions, from empathy, to sympathy, to resentment, to anger, to rage, to despair. You name it, I felt it. With help from my circle, I am beginning to let the past go. I still have moments of all these emotions, usually one at a time. When they all congregate at the same time, well that’s a fun time.

The point of today’s tale is not to invite you to join my pity party, or to feel sorry for me, or to send me hug emojis. My goal for this blog is to keep it real. So here I am keeping it real. I’m a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend who lets her cup runneth over, and that is the one thing that is on me and me alone. Taking on everything is on me. That’s a hard pill to swallow. It’s so much easier to blame everything and everyone else, or so we think. At the end of the day, the decisions, actions and reactions you make are on you and you alone.

My hope is this will bring someone some clarity or serenity to their day. To know that they are not alone. To know it’s okay to be angry, to be resentful, to grieve for the life you had planned that didn’t turn out. What’s not okay is to live in it. Let yourself feel it, let it sit with you a while, then say your goodbyes. There is no shame is life’s ugliness. There is only shame in hiding it. …and remember, pain is pain. You have your pain. Others have theirs. It’s not about competition, it’s about compassion.