side hustle

shameless – adjective – Feeling no shame, impervious to disgrace

I was scrolling my Instagram last week – no TikTok here – I’d never leave the sofa – I know this about myself – lets be honest, I was scrolling my Insta everyday last week – hence no TikTok, and by days end, I found myself bouncing between feeling dumb to feeling inadequate to feeling left behind. I’m entering the final months of my 53rd year on this earthly realm and I’m done feeling this way. Seriously, I have been feeling this way as long as I can remember. Some days it’s for a minute or two, some days, it lasts all day and seeps into the next.

We are bombarded every day, all day, with these ugly opinions cleverly disguised as facts on all social media platforms and internet ads, and don’t get me started on the AI fashion/skin care models. Even podcasts and podcast hosts telling us because we don’t drink enough greens that is the reason our life is falling apart and not using AI in your everyday life and everyday tasks will leave you alone floating on an ice flow. Oh, and protein…for the love of God, stop offering me protein. I’ve heard “You gotta try this protein powder” in my 50’s more than “You want a toke” in my teens. Ugh, and ease up on the “do you lift bro?” rhetoric. Yes, being reminded lifting is important to my aging bone health is great, I don’t need to be reminded that I’ll be the “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” lady if I don’t do it everyday.

Here’s the thing I’ve come to realize – most of this shame is not mine. It’s what I think I’m supposed to feel shame about. Shame for being a stay at home Mom. Shame for going back to work. Shame for being too much. Shame for not being enough. Shame for cellulite. Shame for being too strong. Shame for being weak. Well, as I like to say, Fuck. That. Shit.

I’ve got a theory about this shame business. It may seem far fetched and if that’s what it sounds like to you, that’s fine by me, it’s just my theory/opinion. If we are all feeling shame about bodies, our lack of protein and exercise regimes, we’re focusing on those things, not world events, political decisions, what the Cheeto on Pennsylvania Avenue is up to – like I said, just an opinion.

Here’s the deal. You know that saying “before you think you’re depressed, take a look around to be sure you’re not surrounded by assholes”, I’ve got a new one for you. When the shame seeps in, look up from your phone, take a good around, and ask yourself “Who’s trying to sell me something by making me feel like failure?”. To be clear, I’m all for entrepreneurship and building a platform, side hustle or business. I do believe it can be done without the shame.

Be shameless Beauties. You’re doing the best you can today and that’s enough. Plain and simple.

… Oh, and the protein and weights will still be there tomorrow. Trust me, someone will let you know.

I am fortunate to know many extraordinary women. Single and thriving. Married with children. Single Mom’s. Working Mom’s and stay at home Mom’s…who are working by the way. Some are entrepreneurs, some are beginning a new business venture, some are on the cusp of deciding a side hustle. The one thing they all seem to have in common? They all feel like they could or should be doing more. That they are failing in some way because they see how much others have achieved and they have not. I myself have been, and from to time, still am, guilty of the same thoughts.

A few months ago, while talking with a friend who, in my opinion, is rocking it, was quite down on herself. She couldn’t understand why she wasn’t where she thought she should be. You see, she has a mentor, has been being coached, is following a plan, things just haven’t come to fruition. I reminded her that she has her own business, in her name. That she is a wonderful Mother to adult children who still want to see her and value her opinion. She survived and thrived after a divorce that came out of left field. She still felt like she was failing in some way, because so many others that had taken the steps she had, mentor and coaching, were in a better place financially. Going on trips, renovating houses, etc… . Then I posed and important question. “Are these other women a single income household or do they have other financial means like a spouse, an inheritance or spousal support?” Safe to say the lightbulb turned on.

To be clear, I am not bashing anyone here, so lets take a breath. Another. If you have financial help, good for you! If your partner makes $150000.00 a year, fabulous! What I am saying is this, if you’re coaching/mentoring people to “keep it real”, so should you. I do not begrudge anyone any of their success. Hell, when I see someone succeed, I find myself thinking “Maybe I can too.”. What I do have a problem with is those who are not crystal clear on how they achieved said success. I have personally listened to “mentors” who I knew were married to a high earner, talk about how they became financially independent with hard work and perseverance, without adding that their spouse covered all bills and living expenses for a year. In the spirit of keeping it real, of course your business thrived, you were able to completely focus on it, knowing that there was other financial means to keep your house and food on the table. If you rode the coattails of someone to achieve your success, don’t you think the person wearing the coat should at least be mentioned?

I can hear the opinions and thoughts about what I just said. Again, I am not bashing or begrudging anyone here. I’m just a girl, sitting at her laptop, hoping to turn on some more lightbulbs. Hoping to give perspective to a woman who feels like she’s failing that she is not, or to help a mentor/coach to take a step back and take a hard look at their methods.

Mentor’s, coaches and consultants are needed. I was a Salon retail consultant. One thing to always remember, they are also selling their idea’s, which is great. We all need to self promote, be it for financial means or just to build up our self esteem in front of the mirror preparing for a difficult conversation with your boss, spouse, parent, whomever. ( I do recommend The High 5 Habit created by Mel Robbins… it feels corny at first, but it really does help hype you up.). Here’s the deal, be aware of what you are selling. If your desire is to help women be independent, financial and otherwise, you gotta be crystal clear. If you want them to “keep it real”, you gotta keep it real too. As women, we been misled, out right lied to most of our lives. We’ve been told we’re too much or too little. Too loud or too soft spoken. Not given all the facts because of the bullshit line “need to know basis”. We need to know all the facts and deserve all the facts, so we can make an educated decision and have a firm foundation to set out goals upon.

You are not behind because another is ahead. That’s just a corporate bullshit ideology. Give yourself some grace and remember you are exactly where you are supposed to be. I do not have any science or math to back up this statement, I just know from my experiences, more often than not, we are exactly where we are supposed to be. When it’s time to be somewhere else, the paths will reveal themselves. It’s up to us if we take them or not. Wouldn’t it be reassuring to know if you stumble on the path, to take it easy on yourself because you didn’t have someone there to catch you, you caught yourself.