life coach | That Girl in the Red Coat

It’s Sunday morning on my corner of the globe. My day began without the shrill of an alarm, the smell of fresh coffee brewing and the sun peeking through the cracks in the blinds. My kind of morning. As I was sipping my coffee I found myself in reflection and question, something that is happening more and more these days. Reflecting on past days and questioning them at the same time. Not in a “did that happen” kinda way, in a “I wonder why” kinda way. As I was walking through the living room, the thought, more a voice in my head to be quite honest was “you should write today.”. So here I am.

Since it’s Sunday, why not return to my Sunday Confessions. They started in 2013, https://thatgirlintheredcoat.com/2013/06/09/sunday-confession/ , on a Sunday morning when I realized I had had it with the bullshit that they try to, and succeed at, feed young girls and women about beauty and self image. I’m sad to say, that in 13 years, not much has changed. They’re still trying to spoon feed us the same rhetoric, disguised as wellness and yes, I’m still sick of the bullshit.

Over the past weeks, I have seen and heard women who I deem fabulous cut themselves down to size, a size that they are told they should be. They’re doing too much. They’re doing too little. They’re overweight. They’re underweight. They’re not getting enough protein – don’t even get me started on that one. The list goes on, I’d give myself carpel tunnel if I listed them all. Oh, and trust me when I say, I’m not immune to the above. Just this morning, I almost didn’t make an iced coffee to accompany me at my laptop. Yup. My favorite morning treat, a fabulous mix with a splash of caramel coffee creamer, and I almost didn’t make it because of a shitty comment made about women and their “midlife mid section”. Thankfully my true voice stepped forward and said “Fuck that Shit!” and here I am sipping and typing away.

To be clear, huge fan of health, wellness and longevity. What I’m not a fan of? Using them as some sort of holy trinity. Using them as a weapon or marketing tool used to disempower instead of empower. Making women feel like they are failing at life because they aren’t tracking their daily protein intake – for Christ’s sake Sharon – I can barely track my thoughts some days. Another thing that burns me up? Too many “experts” and “life coaches” giving great advice that makes you start feeling “I can do this” and then hitting you up with a price tag. FYI – most of your audience does not have a discretionary fund at their beckon call. Most are just trying to survive and do the best they can with what they have. The click bait is astounding to me. Listen, I’ve been in sales and customer service for over 35 years, and these suckers are good! Half the time, I don’t see the sales pitch coming. Good for them, but not so good for us.

As a lover of lists, I’ve compiled a little something for all my 40 plus gals. A how to if you will. I’m not an expert, nor am I a life coach. I’m just a woman trying to keep on keepin’ on, as most of us are.

If you are able, go get your bloodwork done. Check your blood pressure. Give yourself a base line. – I understand that depending which country you live in, a medical visit may cost you. Another reason I’m grateful for Canadian healthcare – to the haters – not now.
Take what you will from a Tik Tok /Instagram post, with a grain of salt. If it interests you, do a bit more research. My favorite go to is the Mayo Clinic website.
Before you try any new supplement/regime – make sure there are no medication absorption disruptions. I’m on thyroid hormone since I don’t have one anymore and you’d be surprised how may supplements I can’t take because they interfere with my medication. Disruption = a really bad couple of days. “Your skin looks terrific!” – “Thanks! I feel like shit and can’t get off the toilet!” – what’s the point of that?
Water supplements/ flavor enhancers – those sneaky buggers – some have fine print that states “do not take within 3 hours before or after certain medications.” – Your water may taste great but it could give you heart palpations. I don’t know about you, but those aren’t the heart flutters I want.
You do not need to get a second job to take care of yourself. Close your Amazon cart, go to the kitchen, pick up two soup cans, and lift them as you go up and down your stairs. Eat an apple.
Sit down, Lower your shoulders. Breathe in deep through your nose. Hold for the count of 2. Exhale through your mouth. Even once and you’ll feel a little more at ease. *If you feel emotional after you do this – that’s ok! You’re releasing my friend.
If you can tell the barista about your hemorrhoids, I think you can talk to a licensed professional about your concerns “down there”.
Stop calling any body part below your navel “down there”. If you can look up the newest slang on Urban Dictionary, you can look up the proper names/terms for your body.
You do not need to have the latest and greatest wellness tool to matter.

Take it easy on yourself. Try your best to do what is best for you today. You miss a day? There is always tomorrow. Trust me when I say this, the people who matter don’t give shit if your skin is glowing, they want to see you spirit glowing. The ones commenting on your appearance – they’re selling something – they are not your people. The ones who compliment your appearance – those are your people.

Be kind, to yourself. Plain and Simple.

Yes, it’s been a while. 7 months have passed since I last sat down to write. My last post was in February, so it’s really been 9 months since my last post. I had written a few posts, but never posted them. Not out of worry or fear of judgement, I hung that hat up long ago. I didn’t post them because they weren’t genuine. I wasn’t speaking my truth. So, I took a break. Closed up my laptop and didn’t open it up again until an hour ago. After fighting with my internet connection telling me the password was incorrect and getting my millennial daughter to assure me I wasn’t a dinosaur, and that in fact my husband had changed the password, without writing it down, or giving a heads up, here I am, writing once again.

I began this blog over 12 years ago, when I was in the Beauty industry, with the hopes of helping anyone who hated their hair, to love it. Soon the blog morphed into all things, from self care, to speaking your truth, to the magic of kindness. When I left the Beauty industry, I kept writing about hair and beauty products, but the thrill was gone. I noticed and was being told by many that my blogs about truth, kindness, real life and my Sunday Confessions were the most popular and the posts most were waiting for. So, I started to focus on those, which were well received by everyone, but me. I felt I was living a lie. Giving advice and perspective that I wasn’t taking. Between 2016 -2019, my personal life was a shit show. Plain and simple. I will not go into all the details, for not all the stories are mine to tell, and loved ones deserve their privacy until I am told otherwise. So there I was, trying to be all for everyone, trying to keep the momentum of my blog and consulting business going while working full time, all the while, not being genuine. Speaking my half truth if you will. I was exhausted. All these “mentors” I know personally or through a mutual acquaintance, showing their thriving lives and businesses, having their talks about manifesting the right way, getting their “side hustle” on, were making me feel like a failure. Yes, I know only I control how I feel or how I receive something, just get on this train with me for a moment. I was doing all the things. I was journaling, I was networking, I made a vision board, you name it, I did it. ….but it never felt quite right. I was worried I was depressed, or menopause was taking over my life. (I had a partial hysterectomy 12 years ago, so my early warning system is gone.). Then one day, I realized why it never felt quite right. I wasn’t telling it like it is. In fact, many were not.

What I’m about to say may, and probably will piss some people off. If you choose to be an influencer, a mentor or a life coach, could you please stop with the “dream it and be it” bullshit. Please, just stop. Listen, I’m all about positivity, ask anyone who knows me. I will find the diamond in a mountain of coal. I will give myself a headache trying to find something good in a bad situation okay? But this positivity with no process, is depressing and makes your clients feel like a failure. Also, unless you have had to build yourself or your business without any financial help from a spouse, maybe ease up on the “I did it! You can too!”. Seriously, so many women I know, who are single mothers by the way, give up because they are comparing themselves to someone who isn’t 100% real. Anyone can build a business or a brand when they have a spouse at home who can cover the mortgage, or pick up the kids from soccer practice. It’s easy to do anything if you have a soft place to fall and someone else to pay the bills. I personally know people who put out the perfect life on social media and they can’t pay their bills and don’t talk to their husband. It’s time to start telling it like it is.

If you are searching for truth, real truth, start reading and following Mel Robbins and Glennon Doyle. I adore Mel Robbins and Glennon Doyle, these fierce women tell it like it is. They do not sugar coat their lives, they talk about their achievements and their down falls. They own their confidence and their anxiety. They are real. Real is what this world needs. Real is what I need, and I believe what you need too. As all Mothers know, having a baby is wonderful and beautiful and cute but there is also a lot of shit that comes with it, literally and figuratively.

For those who are struggling, feeling like a bad mother, a bad friend, a failure at your side hustle, take a breath. Again. You are okay. You are doing the best you can today. Tomorrow will be better, if not tomorrow, the next day. Look within for your answers, they are there. You may not like them, but they are there and they have lessons for you to learn. Stop comparing yourself to others, most only show the highlight reel.

I’m just a girl, sitting in front of a computer screen, trying to tell it like it is.