Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Women

Womankind?

I want you to picture two women in a shop. Another woman walks in and recognizes her friend and stops to say hello. Pleasantries are shared. Introductions are made. “So great to see you! You look terrific! Lets catch up over coffee…soon!”. As our third lovely lass is leaving the shop, her heel not even over the threshold, the two women begin “Did you see her hair?”. “Hmmppt…doesn’t she think she is all that since losing weight.”. “I wonder who she slept with to get that job?”. “What’s with the red hair? Doesn’t she know how foolish she looks?”. “I think she drinks too much.” as they saunter up to the counter.

This is a sampling of the daily, yes daily conversations I hear and am sadly sometimes apart of, everyday. I am not proud of this and when I realize what I am a part of, I try to stop it, or at least my part in it. Once I realize what is happening, I am usually excluded from these conversations soon after they begin because I tend to call people out on their shit. The minute I ask “What makes you say that?” or “How is she doing anyway?” or “Oh good for her! That’s awesome!” most women look at me like I have 3 heads and am speaking Chinese, then begin to carry on the conversation with whomever is closest and I am slowly but surely “uninvited” to the conversation.

Ever since I was a child, I never understood meanness or bullies. In fact, I was the kid who would end up getting in a scrap with the school yard bully. I don’t know why, I just had no room for someone being mean to someone else. I would always give them fair warning about what was to come. Some listened. Some did not. Jeans were torn. Eyes were blackened. Tears were shed (of course I held my in until no one was around, had to keep up appearances). In the end, the bully started to leave more kids alone. Some times we ended up becoming friends. Fast forward 30 years and I still cannot understand nor abide meanness and bullying. On the cusp of 44, I can no longer tell the bully to meet me behind the school, but I can speak my mind and speak up for the woman who is not present for the dissection of her image, her decisions and her life. I don’t know what it is about women, we are the first to unite against any man who disrespects a woman, yet we are also the first to disrespect a fellow woman for her choice of skirt length or hair color.

A few years ago, when I saw and heard what my then 15 year old daughter and girls her age were going through, Sunday Confession was born.

https://thatgirlintheredcoat.com/2013/06/09/sunday-confession/

Today’s I have some reminders for those of us over 21, who should know better and should do better. Be kind. Seriously, it really is that easy.

  • Primary school playground antics belong on the playground.
  • High School is over.
  • Life is not a popularity contest.
  • Gossip is tacky
  • Do not be two faced, with anyone. There is not enough makeup in the world to cover that up.
  • If you see someone you don’t like when you are at the grocery store, do not cower under your shopping cart in hopes that they don’t see you. Do what your mother taught you, smile and say hello as you pass them.
  • When a woman changes her hair or hair color and loves it, do not ask her “Does your husband still kiss you with that hair?” – I have had more than one woman ask me this gem…and the answer is yes, every day.
  • If you wouldn’t give another woman your opinion to her face, please refrain from tweeting it or making it your status update.
  • You do not have to agree or respect another woman’s choices, nor does she have to agree with or respect yours.
  • When the day is done, who cares if you breast feed or bottle feed your baby. All that matters is that they are being fed….and it’s no one’s business what you choose to do with your baby.
  • When a woman loses weight, do not automatically assume her marriage is in trouble – another gem of a question/accusation tossed my way.
  • Reading “50 Shades of Grey” does not mean a woman is easy. …if anything it probably means her partner is very happy.
  • No one is what they “post” to be. (cannot take credit for that one, came across it a while back and love it)
  • When you hear of another woman’s accomplishment, celebrate it and her.
  • Unless you are the Madame of a brothel, it’s really none of your business who a woman has or has not slept with.
  • If you don’t want everyone knowing your business, don’t tell them.

The next time you are about to belittle another woman’s accomplishment, her life choices, her sexual partner or her hair color, remember this…what you say about the other woman says more about you than them.

 

 

 

Beauty, communication, health and wellness, Uncategorized

Paging Dr. Ruth…

In these days of Shades of Grey, I feel I must speak about our relationships with our significant other. EVERYDAY, in the salon I hear of someone’s romance woes. How their husband doesn’t pay them enough attention, or that their boyfriend keeps doing the wrong thing, or may all time favorite “we haven’t been intimate in months”. (sometimes I cannot help but wonder if the third complaint listed is not a direct result of the first two.). Now, If you are single, I get it, it is hard for the singles out there. There are a lot of crazies and it seems as though everyone has enough baggage to fill a 747. For those of us in a relationship/marriage, I believe we can be the crazies bringing more baggage into the relationship than we had when it began.

Ladies, and I say ladies because in all honesty we are usually the ones that turn nothing into something. Come on now, lets be honest, we have all been her. You can blame your boss, the kids, PMS, whatever – you know you have done it, started an argument for no real reason. Ladies, it is time to take a breath. Again, a deeper breath this time. Now that I have your attention, listen carefully….It is not your husband’s/boyfriend’s/partner’s job to keep you happy and satisfied – in all areas. Yeah, I said it. Yes, we deserve kindness, honesty, respect and love – everyone does. That being said, it is your responsibility and yours alone to achieve satisfaction and happiness – in all areas (nudge,nudge, wink, wink). It is uncalled for and unfair to expect another human being to make you happy when you are not happy with yourself. It is just plain mean to complain that your significant other doesn’t satisfy your needs when you have never told them what those needs are…come on, even Christian Grey had to ask Miss. Steele what she wanted.

Men are simple creatures – no offense or disrespect implied. All they want is a little peace and quiet, a good sandwich, a little lovin’ and a big T.V.. Oh and just so you know, and your children will someday know -when it come’s to the “bow chica wow wow” they don’t care if your roots are showing, they don’t care if you gained weight, all they care about it that they have a woman in front of them who they love and they get to touch her, plain and simple.

I know, you are thinking “this is supposed to be a blog about beauty” – well this is an important part of beauty. It does not matter how pretty the present is wrapped if the box is empty. It is time to be accountable to ourselves, about ourselves. It is time to be kinder and gentler to ourselves and those we love. It is time to stop having everyone else’s arguments, or blaming our significant other that our lives aren’t what we planned – it is not their fault you are unhappy – Yeah, I said it! It’s true. We teach people how to treat us, so go out there and educate those you love, you may find you learn a little something along the way.