It’s official. The holiday retail season has begun. Macy’s parade has paraded through our living rooms, turkey’s have been served and Black Friday has come and gone. It is here. Get used to it. Accept it. I have. One thing I refuse to accept is being yelled at, mistreated or having a flat iron thrown at me or any of my employees. I have also been known to intervene and stick up for the girl behind the counter while doing my own shopping. Why you ask? I don’t know if it is because I am forty, because I have had a hysterectomy or because I just have no room for (pardon my french) bullshit or people behaving like an ass. (A smart ass I will embrace, an ass – kick ’em to the curb). Yelling at and bullying a cashier or salesperson makes you look like an ass. Yeah, I said it.

Being me, I have compiled a little list for you to follow. Keep it with you in your wallet or on your phone. When you feel your blood begin to boil because the last red sparkle polish has just been sold or your stylist can’t fit you in at 7:00 p.m. on Christmas Eve – pull out the list, take a breath and move on.

– When a product is on back order, we honestly do not know when it is arriving. We don’t. Most of the time the warehouse doesn’t even know when or if the reorders are arriving. We receive the product as soon as they do. I wish I had a better answer, I do not.

– When you decide you want to change your hair color, be prepared to put aside at least two hours. Thursday & Friday nights are always booked up early, as are Saturday’s. Call ahead or better yet, ALWAYS pre-book your next appointment.

– Do not attempt your own hair color at 6:00 p.m. on the eve of Christmas Eve and then scream at us on the phone at 8:00 p.m. that same night because we are fully booked and won’t stay late on Christmas Eve because we close at 4:00 p.m. so we can see our loved ones. – Yes! It’s true – salespeople and stylists have families too! We aren’t all party girls that raid discount malls and drink cocktails.

– If the shelf is empty and we tell you the product is on back order, it is. We are not hiding it on you. We are not holding it hostage to the highest bidder. You are not being Punk’d. You can bat your eyelashes, show your cleavage, wave a 20 in my face, (all of these scenario’s have personally happened to me over hairspray…yep…hairspray), it will not make the product magically appear, I don’t have it.

– You cannot return an item after it has been used because you didn’t like it. The last time I checked the definition of manufacturer’s defect – “I don’t like how these clippers fit in my hand” or “The smell of the hairspray doesn’t make me happy” didn’t match the definition. I agree there is a defect present – it isn’t with the product.

– Yelling at a 17 year old girl behind the counter because your credit card was declined is not acceptable. It is not her fault you went crazy at your local Walmart on Black Friday.

– Just because you say your child is a gift does not mean you can plant them under the tree at our store while you shop.

– I know it is a pain waiting in line, your feet hurt, you are hot in your coat. When you finally get up to the till, say hello, look the cashier in the eye. They are tired too and probably been there for over 6 hours without a break while having to be yelled at for things they didn’t do and worrying about their sick child at home. * Something you all need to know – there are many companies that allow their employee’s benefit’s as long as they work a certain amount of hours – don’t work the hours = no benefits. Remember that as you shop this season.

– It is not our fault when the debit machine goes down. I know it is a hassle for you – think about how it is for us. We get to hear for the next however many hours of “what a pain and hassle” it is for you, how you will “NEVER shop here again!”, all because the bank’s network is down.

– When you are offered a free gift with purchase, say thank you. There isn’t any strings attached. We are thanking you for your business. If you don’t want it – give it to the person behind you or the next person you pass on the street.

– ALWAYS give to the Salvation Army soldier you pass on the street or in the mall. ALWAYS.

– If you are not a christian and someone wishes you a “Merry Christmas” please do not be offended. We aren’t judging your religious beliefs or trying to convert you, calm down and remember – it is a season of reflection and giving – no matter what you believe. Be kind.

So there you have it my lovelies, the first of what I can expect of many installments of  The Emily Post of Holiday Retail. Pass it along. Remember this. As you are complaining that the “must have nail polish” is out of stock, there are many wondering if the food bank is out of stock. Be kind, give where and when you can, even if it is a smile or kind word…and don’t throw the flat iron.