communication, health and wellness, lifestyle, Menopause, parenting, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Chapters

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It’s been hot minute since I last posted, literally. This past summer has been one of the hottest on record and not just because of menopause. Mother Nature must be in her 50’s this go around for it’s 30 degrees Celsius (that’s HOT for my American readers) on the 5th of October. With the change of season, on the calendar at least, I find myself pondering change. These past years have seen more changes for yours truly than my mood before doing some hard internal work and getting some good ol’ hormones. While pondering all the changes, I came across a quote that hit the mark – “Don’t judge me based on the chapter of my life you arrived in.”.

I celebrated my 53rd birthday in this earthly realm this past August. I celebrated with my mother, at a local grocery store, as I was her wheels for most of the summer as my father recovered from open heart surgery. Mom even joked “Isn’t this better than some party?”. Actually, it kind of was. Dad’s heart wasn’t in the best shape and it was a 6 hour surgery with 14 hours on a ventilator and a 2 week hospital stay. Knowing my 53rd birthday very well could have been one person short, I was quite content to be at a grocery store with my momma on my birthday and arriving at their front porch to see Dad smiling as I brought in the groceries.

These past months I’ve found myself looking at strangers wondering what chapter they are in. Are they beginning one? At the end of one? In the thick of one? I find myself being more patient – those who know me well have just fell off their chairs. Recovering from heart surgery is not for the faint of heart – pun intended. Everyday I kept having the same thought – what do people do who are on their own? I found myself wanting to scoop up all the lone patients and bring them home like some kind of stray puppy. Yes – I realize – kind of co-dependent – I’m working on it. Wondering if one could be co-dependent with the Universe? You found your girl, well, at least I used to be your girl, slowly closing that chapter and trying to begin the next one. Back to the tale at hand. While passing the patients, the families, the hospital staff, I found myself wondering who they were? What was their day like? Were they scared? Were they at peace? Which chapter was this for them? Was it their last? Are they wondering the same thing about me? I found myself hoping they were, because if they’re wondering about others, there is hope for us all after all.

If this past chapter has taught me anything it’s this, we have no say, no control of anything except ourselves, there’s been a few days I’ve forgotten that. Also, you cannot rewrite or edit yourself into or out of anyone else’s chapter, no matter how hard you try – trust me, I know of what I speak. Being a recovering co-dependent menopausal GenXer is such fun.

I’m not even going to go into what’s happening in the world. We are all very well aware and that is another chapter for another day. That being said, taking a moment to remind yourself that the chapter you are arriving in may not be the best chapter to judge others right now may be the best thing you can do for yourself and others.

Beauty, health and wellness, lifestyle, Menopause, Women

Taking a pause?

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It’s been a minute. My last post was almost 9 months ago to the day – and NO! I did not have a baby or was I pregnant, and NO! my 27 year old did not have a baby, so no gramma over here either. Funny how the mind equates 9 months with pregnancy/babies. I’ve been on the fence about writing again, and today, I thought, screw it, so here I am. I did not plan on writing today, and I find it quite funny that this post lands almost 9 months to the day of my last post and I’m about to talk about menopause. Well played universe, well played.

To be clear, I am not an expert, nor am I an M.D.. I am however a woman dealing with the lovely and oh so wonderous effects of menopause. It’s been super fun as I had a partial hysterectomy (still have the ol’ ovaries) 15 years ago, so I don’t have the early warning system of my cycle ending. I do believe I may have jinxed myself as I would proudly profess how I had no ill effects of such an early hysterectomy. Once again, the universe has a sense of humor. Over the past year I’ve had an array of adventures from insomnia, mood swings that would put a teenager to shame, weight gain from looking at a cookie, brain fog, forgetting what I was, what was I gonna write? (you gotta laugh), forgetting what seemed like everything, but not all the time, oh and my all time favorite night sweats that are so bad I thought I pissed the bed, yes, I said pissed the bed, keeping it real. I realized after one fun night of three night sweat episodes that it was time to make myself a priority. I had put everyone else’s needs in higher priority than my own. Loved ones facing physical and mental health issues, aging parents, job loss – a story for another time, I kept telling myself “it’ll pass.”. It didn’t and it hasn’t.

So I called my Doctor. When I arrived at my appointment I told her how I’d been feeling, the night sweats etc…, and that I didn’t have the get up and go that I normally have. I admitted I hadn’t been exercising as I should and that yes, I still smoke. I know, I know! I am quitting. I have cut down the amount I smoke by half and am planning to be done with it by the end of the month. I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I don’t gamble – give this menopausal woman something. Back to my appointment. I asked my doctor for a total blood work up, it’s been 2 years since my last one, to check my thyroid levels since I am dependent on medication due to my thyroidectomy. Also to check my hormones. She looked at me and said “Your hysterectomy was quite a while ago, with no issues.”, to which I told her, “well there’s a subscription to the issues now.”. Reminded her I still have my ovaries and the family history of ovarian cancer and early hysterectomies. She began to tell me options, such as hormone replacements and the various types and then added that the body ages and in the past women just dealt with it and the body adapted. Pardon me? What was that? Just as I had finished looking around her office for a caveman to pop out from the corner, I was offered another alternative! Anti depressants! Because you know, “many women find it helpful when they feel overwhelmed with everything.”. Once my head stopped spinning I told her no thank you, to which I was told “they are not addictive”. After asking about the side effects and almost spun into that web, I once again said no and told her I would like the bloodwork done first and to see where all my levels were at, including my hormone levels. Spoiler alert! My hormone levels weren’t on the bloodwork requisition. I have a follow up appointment this week, so I’m gonna try this again.

*to be clear, I have no issues with anti depressants. They have helped many who I hold near and dear. I do have issues with them being given out like Pez from a Pez dispenser.

So, why tell you about this? Selfishly to help myself, and also to hopefully help someone else. That someone will see their story in mine. If you’re between 35 – 55, hormones are our friends and our foes. To remind you and me to speak up, to advocate for ourselves. That it is just fine to question your doctor, and that you are not crazy! Our hormones are needed for brain health and mental and physical health. I highly recommend Dr. Mary Claire Haver MD. You can find her on Instagram and all socials.

I’m not sure where all this is going to lead, I do know knowledge is power and it’s up to us to embrace our power, plain and simple.

Beauty, health and wellness, lifestyle, Women

… not by the hair on my chinny chin chin

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So it happened. There I was, applying my foundation, wondering if I should redeem my optimum points … my fellow Canadians will understand, and treat myself to Philosophy’s Renewed Hope in a Jar (my favorite face cream) when I saw it. Mocking me by peeking out behind my Beauty Blender. A hair. A thick, black hair. Standing out, proud and tall on my chin. I immediately grabbed one of the perks of your forties, a magnifying mirror, pulled it out from the wall to get a closer look, all the while convincing myself it was just a thread off my towel, my beige towel. Nope. No thread, no fuzzy, it was a hair. Shit.

As you know, I do my best to keep it real here. So here’s some reality for you. In your forties, not only does your hair change it’s texture, porosity and growth pattern, you also start to grow hair, everywhere…as I soon discovered after the new found chin hair. I put the FBI forensic lab unit to shame as I took to finding any other stray hairs. Needless to say, yours truly has invested in some tweezers. Sigh.

My discovery this morning got me to thinking of all the lovely surprises your forties bring to your door that no one ever talks about. Well, lets talk about it, shall we? In your forties;

  • hair begins to grow in places you didn’t realize had a follicle
  • your hair turns grey… all of your hair
  • one day you can strut in 4 inch stiletto heels, the very next day you cannot
  • at least once a week you feel another internal organ, just by getting out of chair
  • you are no longer silent when you bend down…hopefully the noise is a mild grunt or sigh. I work retail and have had the unfortunate witnessing of a different sound while a customer bent down, in front of me…I think you know what I mean
  • you wake up with a flat tummy, by 4 p.m. you may look like you are 5 months along
  • you begin to understand the attraction of sensible shoes
  • instead of reading clothing labels looking for “dry clean only”, you now read clothing labels looking for Lycra
  • your arms are too short …. you find yourself stretching your arms to their full extent just to read the expiry date on a carton of milk
  • you fear sneezing
  • you will spend hours, days, even weeks trying to find a piece of clothing that does make you look like your teenage daughter or your aging mother.
  • you find yourself thinking about how to go about giving yourself a pedicure, deciding how long it will take for a hip or knee to lock up
  • your idea of taking a risk is having coffee after 4 p.m.
  • you relate to and understand Archie Bunker

Don’t get me wrong, most of the forties are fabulous! I like to refer to my forties as returning to yourself. The person who was full of confidence and sass, believing she could do anything because the world hadn’t gotten to her yet and the idea that because I was a girl I was limited wasn’t even on the radar.  In your forties, your renewed confidence is combined with knowledge, depth and experience. In your forties, you begin to realize what’s important and not to sweat the small stuff.

…unless it’s a hair on your chin, then, you’re gonna sweat a little.