Beauty, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Women, writing

The Mother Load

Another Mother’s Day has come and gone. Being in the Salon/retail biz, I get to witness the preparations and the aftermath of Mother’s Day celebrations. From tears to tantrums to whimpers, I have seen and heard it all. Just this past weekend as I was buying my fruits and veggies I saw a grown man with red roses in one hand and pink roses in the other with a look of panic, shark coming at you in open water panic, over the decision of which flowers to buy. At the shop I helped a gent buy his wife her Mother’s Day gift. He came in, leaned on the counter and told me “You have to help me! I need that oil that comes in the blue box. I don’t know the name of it, but I have to get it for my wife!”. At our shop, our Salon management system keeps record of our client/customers purchases, so I asked for her name and phone number, saw she likes Moroccanoil, took him over to the display and got the oil off the shelf for him. He sighed with relief. He thanked me five times in a row. I was told I was a “lifesaver!”. All over a bottle of oil. Now, you all are aware that I am a mother, and I love shiny things and receiving presents. This being said, making your loved ones have a panic attack or risk of a coronary over their decision of what to get you for Mother’s day is well, stupid. Yeah, I said it. Before you get all in an uproar, take a breath. I am here to confess. I used to be the woman who made her hubby feel just as the poor gent with the roses. I am not proud of it. What I am proud of is that I am no longer that woman.

When I was a girl, I was easy to please. As a young woman, easy to please. As a new bride, easy to please…until, as all women do at some point in their lives, I began to listen to the wrong people and the wrong opinions. I remember when it happened. It was one of my first Christmas’s as a new bride when a few of my “friends” told me that my decorations were simple and the my hubby’s treasured gifts were silly. I thought my little tree was cute – it was my first tree with my hubby. I thought it was wonderful that I received Corning Ware for Christmas, because I really wanted it. I didn’t realize that getting homeware or a vacuum was tacky – I thought it was awesome, because it was what I wanted. In the blink of an eye,  I began to compare myself with others. What were they doing? What gifts did they request? I became someone I didn’t know. I became the woman who thought every holiday had to be an occasion, an event to end all events. I would worry what others would think of me and how I celebrated special days or special occasions. I would worry about what others would say about the gift I received – if they measured up to the status quo of what a Mother’s Day gift should be. I would make myself and my family crazy trying to create the perfect day…and every time, the day would end with me standing in the kitchen, washing food off of platters that I didn’t get to enjoy or even eat for that matter, being exhausted, emotionally and physically, looking at the gift I received wondering why I asked for it. It took a few years, but I realized that this just isn’t me and it just isn’t working. I came to realize that my husband had been right all of these years. I decided to take a page from my hubby’s book and decided to stop making such a big deal over holidays and occasions. Once the pressure was off, I actually began to enjoy Mother’s Day again, and so did my family.

Ladies, I know the following opinion may not be a popular one, and if you do not agree, that is okay, this is my journey and you are on your own. When it comes to Mother’s Day, birthdays and celebrations in general – ease up. Take a breath. Take the time to enjoy your time. Stop sighing and stomping because you received the vacuum you have been eyeing and talking about every time it’s on sale in the flyer. Think about it for a minute – did you ever stop and think that maybe your husband had been scanning the internet and sale flyers waiting to be able to afford the exact model you wanted? – yeah, let that sink in for a minute. …and that maybe your kids were so excited to see their Dad give their Mom that thing she keeps talking about. Stop worrying if you will get a ring bigger than your neighbor’s and how you will pay it off if it is. Stop trying to make everything perfect, because it will never be perfect – there’s no such thing. Stop comparing yourself and your life to others – perfectly said by Will Smith “We spend money we do not have, on things we do not need, to impress people that do not care.”. It’s time to start being present. It’s time to start being thankful. It’s time to start letting things be what they are going to be. It’s time to start being concerned about the opinions of your loved ones and what they think of you and your life.

This year I received two of the best Mother’s Day gifts  – the first was 4 days before Mother’s Day. I had worked a 43 hour week and came home to a clean house, clean kitchen and tenderloin with all the trimmings waiting for me, just because. The second was a lovely letter from my girl. I had a quiet day, got some errands done, caught up on Mad Men and laundry, enjoyed a blizzard from Dairy Queen with my girl, made supper and enjoyed some wine with my husband. No tears. No anxiety. No worries of who got what, what they would think of my gifts and no worries of being able to afford this Mother’s Day. I really have hit the Mother Load. I hope you can too.

Beauty, communication, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Whatever floats your boat

Something has been playing on my mind as of late, and being me I gotta talk about it, I gotta. Working at a Salon, I hear lots of tales, of happiness, of despair, of births and deaths and everything in between. The tales that I find the most upsetting are those of shame. Grown women being ashamed of their bodies, their body image or lack there of and of their sex life. Unless you were in a convent or in a coma, I am sure you have heard of or read 50 shades of grey.  I know that most of our clientele has read it or heard about it. I read the trilogy.Twice. Yeah…I said it. Some of the women spoke openly about it and we shared some cackles and blushes. Some of the women whispered about it, afraid that if they spoke openly and loudly about their book club choice that they would be judged. Some women hid the fact they were reading it because they didn’t want their husbands or best friends judging them, they didn’t want people thinking they were a slut. One woman I know was ashamed that she liked what she read and this is why I am writing this today.

When we are young, we are always being told to be a “good girl” and “nice girls” don’t behave like that – be it wearing too much lipstick, a low cut blouse, teasing our hair, kicking boys in the shin or kissing them in the back seat. What I have come to realize is this. Grown  women forget that they are grown women now, not little girls under the ever watchful judgmental eye of society. If what you wear or how you choose to live your life makes you happy and is YOUR CHOICE, there is no shame to be had.

Forgive me ladies for what I am about to say. We prejudge our husbands/partners and don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Yeah…I said it. You know it’s true. We are all guilty of it. So many women I know that read 50 shades said “there is no way I am telling my husband I liked that book! He’ll think I am  a freak!” to which I always answered “He probably will and he will be over the moon!”. Some ladies laughed, others just stared and I could see their wheels of judgement begin to turn, to which I began to sing to myself…Big wheel keep on turnin’, Proud Mary keep on burnin’.

Too many women let the opinions (or what they think are the opinions) of the general public decide their fate. Some things you must realize. There will always be someone who will point a finger in judgement. You know the people I am talking about, the ones who would have judged Christ himself “How could the son of GOD make water into wine?!?!”. Get used to it and try your best not to let it get to you. If you want to wear thigh high boots and mini skirts because it makes you feel beautiful, do it. If having platinum blonde hair extensions makes you feel sexy and attractive, wear them. If you like how your eyes look while wearing false eyelashes, apply them and bat away. If you like to read erotica and it helps you and your better half have a more intimate relationship in and out of the bedroom, read away. If judging others floats your boat, row away. Far, far away.

Beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Don’t ask…don’t get.

“Every time I try to find a new hair stylist the first thing I ask them is “What cut would you give me?”. Then they always say the wrong thing so I get up and leave.”. Yes, ladies and gents, this is something I have heard not one but many women say. It has to be one of the dumbest phrases uttered in my presence and believe me, I have heard some pretty stupid stuff. These are the same women who do the same thing to their husbands/boyfriends/partners and complain that they are not happy…ever. First of all, unless your stylist is Dionne Warwick or an operator at the Psychic Network, it is impossible for them to know what cut you have envisioned in your pretty little head. Second, what is this? Third grade? Talk about setting someone up to fail. That is rude and just plain mean, and stupid. Which brings me to today’s tale or lesson if you will. I have been married over 17 years and every once and a while I fall off the wagon and start blaming my lovely hubby for my malcontent and it is not his fault. The fault is mine and I am just looking for someone else other than myself to blame. (He is LOVING that I am admitting this.).

In this life, we all want to be seen. We all want to heard. We all want to look great and feel great and have people notice us. We all want to be happy. One thing we all seem to forget is that we are in charge of our own happiness, no one else is. Every day I hear women slamming their husbands/boyfriends/partners, that they aren’t helpful enough, that they aren’t “present” or “involved” enough. I have even heard a woman complain her husband locks the bathroom door, she doesn’t understand why he feels he has to lock the bathroom door when he is taking a shit. Hey lady. Question for ya…you want the door unlocked when you are waxing your upper lip?

Ladies (and gents), if you want help, you must ask for it. If you want something, you must ask for it. There isn’t a stylist on earth that can guess you want to be a redhead, you must tell them. No man on earth is going to see a woman at a washing machine and ask if she needs help sorting the whites and the colors. Nor when he sees a bottle of Comet on the counter will he stop and think “Hey…maybe I should clean the toilet.”. It ain’t gonna happen. He will not notice that you have changed your blonde highlights from light golden brown to medium golden brown…ease up.  If at any time you have frowned at flowers or a gift, you have now solidified in his mind to never do that again. No offense to my lovely gents but you are simple creatures. Admit it, you know damn well that if you brought a woman carnations and she pouted at them, in your mental safety checklist that insures you will still get laid you put a check beside “carnations bad – never buy again”. Not to let anyone down and for future reference, here is a little list for you to refer to.

– when you want your cut a certain way, bring in a picture and ask the stylist if they can help you achieve the desired look. Do not hold the picture behind your back and offer a greater tip if they can guess what hairstyle you are holding in your hand.

– when you want to change your hair color, bring in a picture, preferably not black and white. (yep…it’s happened)

– when you are looking for a hairspray, know the hold factor you want. Do not say “any hold is fine” and then complain that the firm hold is too firm and all you wanted was a soft hold to get rid of your fly aways. See?! You knew what you wanted, you forgot you weren’t speaking with your psychic friend.

– when you want help, ask for it. Do not pout, bat your eyelashes or squeeze your cleavage together hoping he will catch on that you need help folding the laundry…all he is thinking is he’s about to get something…and it ain’t towels.

– if you are unhappy, it is not anyone else’s fault. It’s not. Sure people are asses and say and do terrible things. In the end we decide how much of a grasp we will allow said actions have a hold on our daily life and our happiness.

– if you have never told someone that what they are doing upsets you, shut up and stop whining. Yeah, I said it. We teach people how to treat us. Don’t like the treatment you receive? Change your lesson.

If you want love, you must give love. If you want kindness, you must give kindness. If you want respect, you must give respect. If you want help, you must ask for it. If you want carnations…do not pout when they are given.