Paris

” …And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me. Shine on until tomorrow, let it be”

– The Beatles

(I have had this song in my head since last night, and after what happened today, I knew I had to write about it)

I met a woman this morning that is the inspiration for today’s tale. It’s been a gray couple of days in my neck of the woods and being 2 days into Daylight Savings, it is safe to say I have prepared myself for whatever may come at me, from a nasty glare because the Black blinc mascara is on back order or a flat iron being hurled across the front desk …yes, it has happened – I have witnesses.

A woman came into the shop looking to purchase hair color to “fix the mess” on top of her head (her words, not mine). I asked her what color she had been using and when she told me that she has been using box dye from the drugstore, I suggested that she see a stylist to help her with her color, that trying to correct a box dye mishap is not easy. I let her know our stylists were available later this week, or if she couldn’t wait, I could suggest some Salons in town. She huffed at me and then told me “You are no help. At all. What a waste of time!”. Being me, I couldn’t leave it at that, so I asked her “Are you alright?”. She stared at me. “It’s just you seem upset and not just over your hair color.”. She continued to stare for a few moments then said “I’m turning 45 this weekend and my life is nothing like I thought it would be.”. It was quiet for a minute, I looked at her and said “Preachin’ to the choir sister!” which made her laugh. We began to chat and she let me know about her friends and their marriages and their kids and she felt like a failure because she is now a single parent and had to take a job in retail – to which she caught my eye, realized what she had just said, looked petrified and said “No offense!” to which I laughed and said “None taken”. I then let her glimpse behind the curtain and told her a little about me.

I can remember looking at my reflection in my bathroom mirror, tears streaming down my face, wondering what the fuck I had done with my life. – sorry for the “f” shot mom – it’s fitting. I, like many women and men, had fallen victim to the social media standard of life – as I like to call it. You know what I’m talking about – the perfect poses, the happy families, the awesome VACAY! photos. Seeing the lives of the people from your past and they seem to have it all – the great career, the cars, the house(s), you name it, they got it. What I came to realize, after wiping my face, having a vodka & tonic and a hysterectomy (I don’t call it getting the stupid cut out for nothing) is that not everyone is what they “post” to be. ( not my quote – came across it and loved it). Stop measuring your worth on the lives of others. It ain’t worth it. I may not have a summer house in the Hamptons, I do have the love of a good man, and have had his love for over 23 years. I may not be jet setting to New York (yet), I do have a 19 year old daughter that can’t wait to tell me her exciting news. I may not be in the fortune 500, I am a blogger who has a worldwide following, I have been published and I own my own Retail Consulting business. Over the past years, if my life had been any different, I would not be who I am today. Plain and simple.

After chatting for a while longer, my customer asked who I would suggest to fix her hair. She wanted to come to our Salon, but didn’t want to wait. She wanted something today. So I gave her a few names and numbers. She thanked me for my time and for the chat. I told her “anytime.”. As she was leaving I told her to just “let it be” – to which she said “I love that song!” and she turned out our door with a little spring in her step.

So, its been a while since my last post. For those who follow my tales (thank you, by the way), you know I call myself out on my own shit – not always an easy thing for me to do – trust me – just ask my lovely hubby and darling daughter. The way I see it, if my words are to hold any water and if I am going to call people out on their shit, I gotta do it for myself. I gotta.

Over past weeks, between being a Salon manager, a wife, a mother, a friend, a daughter, preparing the shop for the retail holiday season, keeping my home and our finances in order and working on potential career opportunities, it’s safe to say yours truly was a tad overwhelmed and kinda began to lose herself and her perspective. Last week, I was in a pretty foul mood. I found myself losing my patience too often and having the right attitude but with the wrong person more often than I would like to admit. In my corner of the world, the wind was cold and for five days straight, not one ray of sunlight. By Friday morning, with an 8 hour day in front of me, I was done. I was tired. All I wanted to do was go home, have a glass of wine and pout. Then I checked my twitter feed and my perspective changed drastically….and I stopped being a pouty baby that my life had become overwhelming – because my life had become overwhelming because I had made it so. Many others, too many to count did not have that choice.

Friday, November 13th 2015 will be a date etched into our memories. Just as September 11th 2001 will be etched in mine. Watching your husband wonder for 10 hours if his brother was alive is a vision I would not wish upon anyone. Ever. Before any of you get up on me about the other violent acts that occurred last week, let me be clear, I know of them as well. I took a moment to educate myself on world events over the weekend, for I, as I am sure most of you, had gotten caught up in my own world and forgot to look up once and while a take a look around. So, instead of bashing the opinions of others and focusing on the violence and the anger of it all, try to remember that no amount of debate, insult or opinion slashing will bring back the loss of a loved one, a child, a parent and innocence. Try to remember that there are many people, in Paris and around the world who wish that deciding who’s opinion matters most was their biggest problem today. We cannot change what has happened, all we can change is how we handle it. We cannot control others, we can only control ourselves. So today;

when you hear of the loss of loved one or friend, just listen. Don’t ask for details – details will be shared if they want to be. Sometimes, saying nothing at all means more than a thousand words.
when you ask “What can I do?”, mean it. Many times there is nothing to be done, but in case there is a need to be filled, you better be willing to step up.
there is no need to post every opinion that pops into your head on every social media outlet. If that is what you choose to do, power to you. Please, try not to complain if you do not like the response you receive. (Psst….you get what you give. Just sayin’.) .
when you are out running errands, hold the door open for a stranger, let someone in your lane. Buy the coffee for the car behind you in the drive thru.
hug your kids and make sure they stop hugging first.
hug your spouse and make sure they stop hugging first.
take a moment to be thankful, be it for hot coffee, a roof over your head or your health.
spread some joy around

“Be the change you wish to see in the world” – Mahatma Gandhi