self love

Those of you familiar with my blog know all too well that I am a firm believer in being yourself, believing in yourself and when wanting something, to go for it. While sitting at my favorite window sipping my morning coffee and watching the birds frolicking on the lawn under the bird feeder I realized I had something to confess.

Last week I told you about the Joico Fall Trend Show that I was fortunate to attend. What I didn’t tell you about was the evening before. Around 8 p.m. the evening before the show I wasn’t sure if I was going to go. I was worried that it was a mistake to go, that I didn’t belong there. All the other shows and gala’s I have attended, not only was I a blogger with 35 professional hair care lines under her belt, I was a manager of a Salon/retail shop. Now that I am no longer in a Salon environment on a daily basis, I was worried I had no place at a Hair Show’s table. Yes, I know it sounds ridiculous and yes, I know I am always saying the opinions of others do not matter, and yes, I know it is best to listen to the whispers of hope and goodness rather than the shouts of dismay… sometimes, we all have our weak moments and the darkness starts to set in.

I woke up last Monday morning with a nervous belly ache. I hadn’t slept well, due to my nervousness and my snoring bed companion. As I made my coffee, I told myself, “you are going.”. I made myself post pictures and Instagram stories of my preparations for the show in an attempt to change my perspective and give myself that little push to go for it. I did my makeup, I did my hair, I put on my new boots I bought for this day …they are fabulous by the way, I said goodbye to my hubby and my girl as they told me I looked beautiful and that “you got this!”, I got in my car, put the destination in my GPS and I was off. When I arrived, it was raining and my umbrella busted the moment I opened it. Everything in me wanted to use this as an excuse that the universe was trying to tell me I wasn’t supposed to be there, instead I chose to think, “Sara, you need a new umbrella.”. I rushed in, trying to keep my ‘do in tact and found my way to the hall. As I walked past the banners and the stylists I heard my name. As others were scrounging for their tickets to get through the door all you heard down the hallway was “Sara! Your ticket is waiting for you inside, just go on in!”. Some heads turned with the look of “Who’s that?” as I walked by. Once I got in, within minutes I was greeted with hugs from former colleagues and stylists. I even ran into stylists that I had done private consultations at their Salons. Everyone asking how I had been, what I am up to and all happy to hear my news and happy to see me. Stylists complimenting my hair and asking what color I used and what products I suggest. I was able to meet the fabulous stylists and people that I follow on Instagram and who follow me. I heard “Yay! You’re here!” many times that day. It was a good day. One I am grateful for on so many levels.

The point to today’s confession? No matter how scared you are, how nervous you might be, you have to take chances. You have to get off your ass and make your life happen. I know all too well how easy it is to listen to the self doubt voices shouting and how hard it can be to hear the whispers of self confidence. If you quiet your mind for even a few seconds, they are there and you will hear them. All we can control in this life is ourselves and our minds. That is the reason for my posts and stories that morning, I was giving myself a positive visual, I was making my mind believe the good of my experience. I was “faking it ’til I make it” if you will. Here I was thinking I wouldn’t fit in, that I would look foolish or look like a loser for showing up and all the while, it was exactly where I was supposed to be and was welcomed with open arms.

Be gentle with yourselves Beauties, we are all doing the best we can with what we’ve got at the moment. We all feel scared. We all worry we won’t fit in. Take chances. Believe in yourself. A change may be just around the next corner. Grab hold of that door, take a deep breath, open it and walk through. No matter what happens, you will know you did it, that you tried and that is a thing of beauty.

“…and if I had to give you more, It’s only been a year, Now I got my foot through the door, And I ain’t goin nowhere, It took a while to get me here, And I’m gonna take my time, Don’t fight that bullshit in your ear, Now let me blow your mind.” – Let me blow ya mind – Eve featuring Gwen Stefani

Today’s tale is a personal one Beauties…more product reviews and tales of full moon adventures are on their way. Today, I feel this tale must be shared.

On November 10th, 2013, I attended the Contessa’s, the Academy Awards of hair if you will. As I described in my tale The Contessa and the castle,

https://thatgirlintheredcoat.com/2013/11/13/the-contessa-and-the-castle/

it was a night I will always remember, from the gorgeous hair creations and all the beautiful creativity that surrounded me to feeling like I belonged, that people “got me” and appreciated what I had to offer. It wasn’t until a few days later that I realized something else that magical evening had bestowed on yours truly. It was the first time that I can remember I wasn’t worried about what I looked like or how much I weighed. I was truly present in every experience, in every conversation, in every moment. When I came to this realization, my eyes welled up a bit….thank goodness no one was in the shop. When I got home that night, I went through my photos of that night and I liked every picture of myself. I actually drove down to my parents house and when I was telling them about that evening, my mother told me that I looked like I did when I was a little girl, smiling, eyes shining and having fun without a care in the world. I can hear some of you now “Why is she going on about this?”. Good question. Here’s the answer/reason for the glimpse. There was a time when yours truly wouldn’t go out with her friends because I thought I was too fat. There were party’s I didn’t attend because I didn’t think I was pretty enough to attend. There was a time I thought I was too ugly to go see Phantom of the Opera. My hubby (then my boyfriend…proof it is love) had to drive me to my parents house to calm me down. I got in the car and full on freak out began – my hair was wrong, my dress was wrong, my face was wrong. (yeah, yeah, I know…the phantom was burned and covered with a mask and I thought my face was wrong.). So, not giving my looks and weight a second thought and liking my picture…it’s kind of a big deal.

At first I thought this new found self love was because I am now in my forties. Then I thought it was because I have had a hysterectomy – having the stupid cut out as the women in my clan like to call it. It was driving home from the grocery store, rockin’ along to the song mentioned above that I got it. My new found self love is because I am following my passion. I am being true to myself and in turn, true to everything I do and everyone I love. In less than 2 years, that girl that thought she was too fat and too ugly has a beauty blog following, has been and is being featured on http://www.salonmagazine.com and is a contributing author to http://www.hairstyle-blog.com., so yeah “I got my foot through the door and I ain’t goin’ nowhere”. Yeah, it took me a while…about 30 years…but I got here. You can get here too.

As women , for some insane reason, we think we can’t be self fulfilled and be a good wife, mother or friend – take your pick. I am here to tell you that you can. Actually, not being fulfilled, not following your passion or your drive is exactly what will have a negative impact on your marriage, your family and your relationships. Now, before you go and pack your bags and tell your family “See ya! the towels are in the dryer!”, calm down. Treat others how you want to be treated – their time is just as important as yours, their dreams and hopes are just as important as your own.

Find what make you happy. YOU happy – not your mother, your spouse, your partner, your nosey neighbor, YOU. From getting that pixie cut you have always wanted to buying that flat iron so you can finally have calm to your curls. Becoming the blonde you always felt you were to tinting your eyebrows. Becoming the owner of a shop you have always envisioned in your head and have the sketches of the floor plans tucked away in a box in the attic to becoming more present in your life, in the conversations with your loved ones, in the moments of your day. When you are living the life you are meant to live, slowly but surely, things will fall into place, and it’s gonna blow ya mind.