plain and simple

You’ve most likely heard or read the phrase or seen the meme “If they wanted to see you, they would make the time.”, “If they wanted to, they would.”. I used to believe this, hell, I used to say this exact phrase to people. Well, I call bullshit. On myself and on the phrase. Why you ask? Get comfy, I’m about to tell you.

I have a question for you to ponder. Have you ever wondered why someone keeps cancelling or doesn’t reach out as often as they used to? Before we judge another’s actions or inactions for that matter, maybe take a breath, another, slow your roll, and think for a moment. Have you been reaching out? Have you checked in? If the answer is yes, and you’ve found the response cool or obtuse, although hurtful and confusing, did you take the extra moment to check in, really check in. Maybe even call them out on their response? Ask them what’s up or what happened?

I have someone in my life who I hold most dear who is struggling with their mental health and have been for some time now. The pandemic did not help matters at all. They have a good support system and a trusted therapist. They are struggling with many things, anxiety being one of them. They want to socialize. They want to be a part of things. They can’t. Not that they won’t. They can’t. Their brain will not allow it. Some days are better than others, some not so much. They are a warrior in my eyes, for they are vulnerable and fight everyday.

Some time ago, don’t ask me exactly when as each day seems to roll into the next since 2020. I do know I was no longer wearing a mask, so it must have been late 2022. …weird how I recollect memories by “was I wearing a mask or not?” …sigh. Back to the tale at hand. Some time ago, the above meme came across my Instagram, it seemed to be everywhere. I usually liked those posts or shared them, until it dawned on me. I wonder how many times my dear one read that, or heard it, and felt like shit. How many times did this phrase fuel the wrong fire in their mind, and left them feeling worse about their mental health than they already did? It crushed me. I spoke with them about it, and apologized if I had ever portrayed that mentality to them. I in fact had, and they thanked me for the apology. Owning your shit is tough and ask anyone who’s known me these past 51 years, I was not always so eager to admit a fault or mistake. A true Leo as my child would say. Safe to say, I’m owning my shit, because I realized a long time ago, if you don’t own your shit, your shit will own you.

I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad, or any shame if they’ve said the above phrase, or shared it. We all want to be seen and heard, and it’s hurtful when you feel excluded or left behind. What I’m trying to do is help someone out there to stop and think, and then maybe another person will too. A ripple effect if you will. To stop and think about checking in with friends and family. Really checking in. To stop for a moment and wonder if they are okay. To realize that maybe, just maybe, it’s not personal. That maybe that person is sitting alone wanting to reach out, or go out, but they just can’t. The reason may not make sense to you. Trust me, it doesn’t to them either, but it’s their reality.

How about this instead;

If they wanted to, they would, if they could.

Be kind. Plain and simple.

Here we are, day whatever of Covid-19. Some of us are still on lockdown, some are self isolating, some are in Phase 3 of reopening, some are back in Phase 2. Many are sick, and sadly many have left this earthy realm far too early. Parents are scrambling for daycare and with every sneeze their child has, worrying if their child will be allowed to go to school that day, all with the ever constant worry if they will have a job tomorrow. Teachers are trying to educate and discipline via Zoom. The list of change is endless. The one thing that hasn’t changed is retail. Yes, I realize the nature of retail has changed, the one constant is the behavior of the customer. Many are great, but as always, there are always those precious few that explain why there are warning labels on detergent. Here’s a glimpse of what retail life has been like over the course of the last few months, pre and post mandatory masks.

Social distancing is a concept many cannot grasp. Keeping 6 feet away from each other seems too hard to comprehend. I mean, I understand that all our lives women have been “told” what 6 inches is, but come on.
I have been called a bitch because I asked a customer, who was not wearing a mask, to back up so I could get her shoe for her.
My coworkers and I have been purposely coughed on while being told “Well, you got a mask”.
I’ve been told I’m a hoax believing lemming because I was disinfecting surfaces that countless numbers of people touch.
I had a customer tell me “I’m a truck driver that goes to the U.S. all the time. I’m supposed to be quarantining right now, but they can’t make me! I got a life to live!”.
Before mandatory masks, I was laughed at, pointed at, smirked at, told to “Speak up! I can’t understand you!” or ignored by customers because I chose to wear a mask.
I’ve had complete strangers walk right up to me, rub my arms and say “It’s too bad no one is taking Covid seriously”. … six feet Karen. Six feet.
A woman kept taking her mask off to sneeze, then touch her face, then touch the product, then put her mask back on.
A woman clipped her toe nails to see if that would make the shoe fit better. I shit you not. Pulled out her nail clippers in the store and clipped away.
A woman continued to stand right beside me, even after asking her to move away. Then complained that she couldn’t sit beside a woman (who was 6 feet away) because of Covid. …sigh
Every day, I am asked when stock is going to arrive, and many woman do not like that I don’t know. Some even get angry, some pout, some even tell me “This and you are bullshit”. FYI – many products weren’t even made. …pssstttt, China was shut down for months too.
Grown men have yelled at our part time teenage girls who ask them to sanitize before entering the store. Literally losing their shit, waving their arms, yelling “masks and hand sanitizers are bullshit”.

I could go on, you have no idea for how long. There have been lovely customers too.

I’ve been thanked for working during the past 5 months.
I’ve had customers give me a cash tip for helping them.
I’ve helped make our elderly customers feel comfortable and safe.
A woman with a portable oxygen tank had her mask on. I could see she was struggling. I told her she could pull it down for a moment if she needed. She said “No. It’s the rule and I want to protect you and me.”.
I’ve had customers come to my defense when another customer isn’t being so nice.
My coworkers and I have each others back.
My boss and the owner have come to our defense with irrational customers. They will come and take over the sale for us.
My work place is doing their best to protect us.

Here’s the deal. Believe it or not (that’s your choice), Covid-19 is here, and it’s gonna be around for a while. Be prepared that you may not get the fall boot you’ve had your eye on. There are stock shortages everywhere – tried to get any Lysol wipes lately? I get it. It’s frustrating. It’s a royal pain in the ass. Wearing a mask isn’t fun – try wearing one for 9+ hours a day. I know you miss your friends and family, so do I. I too miss the days of my only morning thought on my way to work was “What should I make for dinner”. It sucks. Plain and Simple. How about trying not to make it suck more for yourself and others.

Be kind. Be patient. Think about others. Try to remember every sales person is doing the best they can, some days better than others, some days worse, no one is perfect. Try to remember, just like you, they have no control over what is happening. All we can do is control ourselves.