communication, health and wellness, Women, writing

A door opens…

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The strangest thing happened yesterday. I was walking to my car after a shift at one of my part time gigs. I get in my car, turn the key, adjust the volume on Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill and look to my left to see a dude standing at my car. He taps on my window telling me “You hit my car.” and pointed to his side mirror. I thought of rolling down my window but decided to get out of my car – high off the power of Alanis I guess. I open my door and ask him what he said. “You hit my car! Look!”. So I look, and see a white mark on his side mirror – my car is dark blue – an important bit of info. if I do say so myself. I tell him “I don’t think so.”. He keeps pointing and repeating I hit his mirror. So I open my car door all the way, and there is a 1/2 inch space between my door and his mirror, no contact made. So I say “See, I couldn’t have hit your mirror.”, to which he tries to see if his mirror moved, which it had not. “Well, I felt something! I was sitting in my car and I felt something hit my car!” to which I said, with a shaking voice, “I don’t know what you felt, but it wasn’t me.” as I showed him, one more time, my door did not make contact with his mirror. I told him to have a good rest of the day, got in my car and drove off.

As I was driving home, something wasn’t sitting right. Not that I had done anything wrong, that once I had proved the fact I had not hit his mirror, that wasn’t good enough. I had physical and visual proof that I had not hit his mirror and that didn’t matter. He kept trying to get me to believe his false accusation. I realized my shaking voice wasn’t fear or anxiety, I was astonished that at 54 years old, with proof backing up my claim, a man younger than me still thought he was in the right and had the upper hand in some delusional way. It’s 2026 and we as women are still dealing with this shit. Before any of you tell me I’m making too much of this – if that’s what you believe, you are part of the problem. Think about it, if I was a dude, and the other driver even thought to confront the issue, and I proved my door did not make contact, there is a 95% chance the next words would have been, “My bad bro. Sorry about that.”. I call bullshit.

I got home and told my daughter about it, and one of the first things said was “so many women would have just gone along with it out of fear or anxiety of the situation.”. … and that pissed me off even more. Not pissed off at my daughter, pissed off at the world. Pissed off for all the women and girls in the world. This is not the world I thought they’d be living in. I realized while speaking with my daughter that I had made a conscious decision in the parking lot to keep my car door between me and the Master of the side mirror. When women leave the house or the work place, we have to be sure we have our keys, not only to not be locked out of our house or car, so we can put them between our fingers in case someone gets too close. We have to cross the street when a man walks too close, to see if he follows us, and have our phone ready to call someone if needed. We carry our phones and have fake conversations so others see we are not truly alone. All these influencers that say to get out in nature without your phone, like where? In our back yard? I could go on and on about what women have to do, and before you get all up in my business with “not all men!” , you are correct. It’s not all men. My husband, my father, my nephews, many of my friend’s husbands, my neighbours are wonderful men and people. That being said, here’s a thought. If it isn’t all men – why are women taught self defense, how to stay safe on the street, in the work place, in your home? Why is it that if you are being assaulted, we are told to yell “FIRE!” to be sure to get attention of passer’s by? Something to ponder.

I don’t know what made me stand my ground. I don’t know what made me get out of the car and prove my point. Maybe it was the spirit of dear Gloria Steinem or the spirit of all the strong women who came before me standing by me. Maybe it was my self defense teachings becoming a natural response, I don’t know, it just felt like the natural thing to do, and I’m proud that I did it.

One of the first things I was taught in self defense class was – if the person is a person of good intent, they’ll apologize for making you feel inferior, scared, etc. . If their intention is not good – don’t worry if you offended them for standing up for yourself. Plain and Simple.

lifestyle, parenting, Sunday Confessions, That girl in the red coat, Women

Sunday Confessions

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Unless you have been living under a rock, in a coma or seeking seclusion in a Tibetan monastery, you are well aware of the political and cultural climate for women. It is 2018 and although we have made monumental strides towards equality, I am afraid, as of late, we have hit a plateau and in some arenas, we are facing stepping backwards. I listen to my daughter, who at 21 years of age is well in the middle of this mix. I hear her concerns, her fears, her hopes, her dreams. I raised her to be fair, to be kind, to stand up for what is right and to stand up for herself. I wanted to raise her the way I was raised. You see, I was fortunate to be raised by a loving and supportive mother and father. I was especially fortunate to be raised by a father who treated me as his child, not his daughter. It wasn’t until I went to school that I realized the differences between girls and boys. …don’t get me wrong, I knew about our biological differences, that only girls could get pregnant and carry a baby and that boys could pee standing up. Other than that, I thought we were the same, equal. I could double dutch like the best of them and could throw a perfect spiral. I could pretend I was a princess while wearing a pretty dress and imagine I was Babe Ruth whenever I was up to bat.

…before anyone gets on the soap box, I know all too well that girls and women are not the only people dealing with discrimination and adversity. Today’s tale is a focus on women and girls. I promise you, others will get their turn.

It wasn’t until I was 10 years old that I realized I would have to fight to prove I was just as good as a boy. We moved to Winnipeg, I was in grade 5 and my first day at the new school we had gym class. The teacher, a man, told the class it was calisthenics day and to start with push ups. So, I got down, assumed the position and began. The teacher came up to me, said “Oh no, you have to do your push ups like a girl.”. I had no idea what he was talking about. “Like a girl?” I asked. He said “Yes. Like a girl. Bend your knees, like the other girls.”. I looked around and they all bent their knees instead of being in a plank position. I looked at him and said “I’ve never seen that before. I don’t know how to do that. I’m doing it my way.”. To which he responded “Like a boy? Hmmm.”. When spring rolled around, it was time for baseball, my favorite sport at the time. I got up to plate and he placed a t-ball stand in front of me. I asked “What’s that for?”. He told me “Girls are afraid of the ball and can’t hit a pitch.”. I kicked the stand over, looked the him in the eye, and told the pitcher “Pitch it!”. …this is how I know there is a god, I hit that ball out of the park on my first swing. I thanked Jesus all the way around the bases.

Fast forward to high school. In Winnipeg, I was in french immersion for 3 years, so when we moved back to Ontario, I was a little lost in science. I had learned the basics in french. I asked my science teacher, another man, to clarify if I had the theory correct. As I was trying to explain I had learned it in french and wanted to make sure I had it right, I was told “Don’t worry so much. You only need one science credit. Pretty girls don’t need science.”. I was also told by a male teacher in grade 11 that “most girls get bored with computers” when I was getting lost in computer programming, a course I chose as an elective because I thought it was cool when my dad and I programmed our commodore vic 20 when I was 11.

In my sales career, spanning 25 years, men have told me;

  • I ask too many questions and if I can’t answer a customer’s question, just get one of the guys. – while selling cars
  • I should smile more
  • I get too emotional – when a fellow sales person scooped my deal and my commissions and I dared to stand up for myself. I had an appointment booked and the customer was under my name in the system, until the rat changed it.
  • “Wow! You have brains with your beauty”.
  • “Better ask your husband if it’s okay that you have to work late”
  • I wear too much makeup
  • I need to wear more makeup
  • I wear too much jewelry
  • I need to wear more jewelry
  • I am better being the face of the business, not to worry so much about what goes on behind the scenes.

Thanks to my stubborn nature, my need to fight for the underdog, my father raising me that I could do anything anyone else could do, my darling hubby who always has my back and a few good men that stood out from the crowd and fought for me and with me, I never let those remarks define me. Oh they stung and pissed me off to no end. I refused to let them define me. Then and now.

It’s 2018 and the fact that girls and women still hear these phrases (and worse) disgust me. Plain and Simple. Here’s the deal. In my book, you are either a good person or an ass. You either use your words to lift others up or to push them down. You are either kind, or you’re not. I don’t care if you are a man or a woman. I don’t care the color of your skin or if you believe in Christ, Buddha or the smurfs. Treat others as you want to be treated. Plain and simple.

beauty, Hair Care, That girl in the red coat, Women

Changing lives with every good hair day

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Imagine each time you used your flat iron, you could be changing another woman’s life and the life of her children. The simple act of doing your hair for a day at the office, the soccer field or a night on the town could give another woman an income, food on the table, independence. Well Beauties, there is no need to imagine such a scenario. Thanks to AG Hair Care, making sure you have a good hair day enables another woman to have such things.

Let me introduce to you to AG Firewall, a thermal protecting (flat iron) spray. AG Firewall is one of the members of the AG Smooth line. This gem provides;

  • high shine
  • a smooth protective barrier between your hair and your flat iron
  • smooths, protects and prevents breakage
  • controls flyaways
  • controls unruly hair

AG Firewall is infused with Argon oil – sustainably sourced, fair trade organic Moroccan Argon oil, which is rich in Vitamin E and antioxidants which keep hair smooth, soft and protected. AG Firewall is cruelty free (no testing on the bunnies), Paba free, Paraben free and Gluten free. It is an aerosol spray that contains NO CFC’s = friendly to our ozone.  It is meant to be used on dry hair only, right before you use your flat iron. For best results it is best to section out your hair. The smell is heavenly, it leaves a soft, workable hold to your hair, it does not flake and is not sticky. Created for all hair types.

So, how are you changing a woman’s life by having great hair you ask? Using any of the AG Smooth line hair products helps women in the poorest regions of Morocco. The Argon oil used in their products is sourced using sustainable and organic farming methods and is produced by local women of the Berber tribe. In turn, this give the women employment and an income which equals independence. It enables these women to support their families and provide education for their children.

Imagine looking at your reflection in the mirror with the thought that because of you, another woman can have pride in her reflection too. Now that is a thing of beauty.