health and wellness, lifestyle, That girl in the red coat

Attention

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Well Beauties, yours truly is having a moment. A moment I gotta say something and those who know me know I gotta say it. I gotta.

Lately, I don’t know if has to do with my age (gonna be 44 in August) or my lack of a uterus (haven’t had to pay that monthly bill in over 7 years) or if it is as simple as I have a low, very low tolerance for bullshit, but I seem to have no room for those who lack accountability for their actions, nor do I have any room for those who are unkind.

Working in a Salon, you hear it all.  You hear about the celebrations of life, the trips, the new house and births. You hear about the not so good stuff, illnesses, divorces and deaths of which I have all the patience and time in the world to listen to. Where my attention begins to dwindle? When lack of kindness and accountability enter into the conversation.

A few  weeks ago a woman and her friend came in the shop and she was complaining that her fiancée got upset that she took out her phone as he was proposing. “I wanted to capture the moment for my Instagram and he got mad at me! He actually asked me if I could wait until he finished the question. Can you believe it?” …that he continued the proposal? (gotta admit, that was what I was thinking). She was actually mad at him. She kept going on about how he ruined the memory. Yep. He and he alone ruined it. I just stood there, trying not to show it on my face. This woman was so caught up in herself that she couldn’t see her part in any of it, well, except for her Instagram pic. She later complained that it wasn’t fair that her favorite OPI shade had been discontinued and got mad at me that there wasn’t anything I could do for her. …by the way, her phone never left her hand and with every third word spoken, her eyes looked at her phone. …sigh.

I get the importance of social media and the lure of smartphones. I am a blogger, a Retail Consultant and a Salon manager so I get it, I do. I also get that as important as they seem, there are other more important things in life, like  my loved ones, being kind, being present.

Being me, I have compiled a little list for you all, some daily reminders if you will. Feel free to share – no pun intended;

  • before you tell a story, be sure it is yours to tell
  • when you hurt someone’s feelings, apologize, to their face.
  • when someone is speaking to you, put down your phone and look at them. They are speaking to you, not texting you, there is no need to look at your phone.
  • not everything needs to be shared. I am so pleased your toddler pooed on the potty…didn’t need to see it on my timeline.
  • it is not the salesperson’s fault that your favorite polish is discontinued.
  • when you are getting your hair cut, put down your phone. You may not realize it, but when you text, your head moves.
  • do not take a selfie during your bikini wax. #toomuchinformation
  • if you wouldn’t chase someone down the street asking if they like your picture, it shouldn’t matter if they like it on facebook
  • life is not “unfair” because your fiancée wanted to share the proposal with you, and you alone.
  • you may like to crush candy, others do not. Please stop sending candy Crush invites
  • if you don’t want the opinions of others, you may want to rethink ending your post with #whatsagirltodo
  • you do not have to agree with everything you read and see on social media…you also don’t have to let everyone know that you don’t agree

Look up once and a while. Think before you post. Ask before you snap a pic. Be kind, plain and simple.

 

 

 

 

lifestyle, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women

Long days in short years

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Today marks my 3rd anniversary as That Girl in the Red Coat. I had to keep checking the date of my first blog. March 16 2012. Wow. 3 years. I remember the weeks leading up to my first post. I had no idea what I was doing. I was filled with fear and trepidation about what may or may not lay ahead. I was diving into the unknown. I began my blog in hopes of educating the masses about professional hair products, helping stylists and salon managers & owners increase their retail sales and client retention. I wanted to educate and enlighten. What I didn’t know then was how much I would be educated and enlightened, about myself.

Those familiar with my blog know that yours truly is no stranger to insecurities, on every level. I have a library of self help books. I know the “secret” and that I should harness “the power”. I know Jesus loves me. Oprah’s AHA! moments lasted for a moment or two. I tried to Martha and make everything “a good thing”. I was searching for answers and happiness everywhere but where it was, and always had been. In me. I have been the woman locked in the bathroom hating her hair. I have been the woman who had the hairstyle everyone told her she should have…and hating it. I have been the mother who worried too much about other’s opinions on my parenting. I have been the woman who after childbirth was unsure of her body and let it affect her life in the boudoir. I have been the young woman who did not like her reflection. I have been the young girl who listened to the wrong people and continued to listen to them into adulthood. I have been the young girl who thought having hips was awesome until some girl told me they made me look fat. I have also been the 5 year old girl who thought she could be anyone she wanted and do anything she wanted…and I am happy to say, at 42, I again believe this to be true. Letting go of my fear of the unknown and letting go of the fear of what people will think, I found happiness. I feel content. I am proud of my daughter and feel I am doing a good job being her mother. I look into the mirror and like what I see. I have the hairstyle that I like and that I want. I love and am in love with my husband of 20 years. I embrace my curves and from time to time can be caught shakin’ what my momma gave me.

I realized that over the past 3 years the days have been long and the years have been short. I learned some hard lessons, personally and professionally. I have suffered losses and gains. I have had to stand by and witness health issues and mental health issues of my loved ones – and all I could do was offer a soft place to fall. I have learned that it is not all about me – let me tell ya…that was a biggie. I am continuing to learn patience. I have accepted that I can’t control anything or anyone but myself…another biggie for yours truly…huge. I have learned that this too shall pass…in it’s own time.

The most important lesson I have learned is to go for it. Plain and simple. Go for it. The worse thing that can happen is nothing happens and you begin again.  I have come to embrace a line from one of my favorite tunes from the Rolling Stones “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, well you just  might find, you get what you need” and it is serving me well. By staying true to myself, letting the chips fall where they may and taking a chance on myself and putting myself and my Salon Tales out there, in 3 years some amazing things have happened and are continuing to happen;

– a 6 time contributor for http://www.salonmagazine.ca

– a contributing author for http://www.hairstlye-blog.com and http://www.visualmakeover.com

– a featured blogger for http://www.justpencilmein.ca

– featured on http://www.girlbodypride.com

– featured in Piidea’s Sept/Oct 2014 Buyers Guide

– featured in ViBrant Magazine

– featured on many professional hair care websites

I am proud of the above accomplishments. What I am most proud of are the personal lessons I have learned and the accomplishments in my relationships that followed – from my marriage, to my friendships, to my family, to my relationship with my lovely daughter. I have also learned to like myself. Ladies and Gents – if you can like and love yourself – everything else slowly falls into place. My anniversary gift for myself and for you is this;

Remember, in this life,

– the days are long and the years are short.

– You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, well you just might find, you get what you need. – The Rolling Stones

– have the hair style/color YOU want

– You are enough. Plain and simple.

– Always shake what your momma gave you

 

Beauty, Business, lifestyle, That girl in the red coat, Women

The Heart of the matter

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For those of you who follow my blog, you are well aware that my hubby had a heart attack. The last thing any couple expects, especially at 39. I wanted to revisit my personal tale with you all one more time. We received some terrific news, from three separate M.D.’s, that my beloved is well on his way back to a normal life. The past 9 months have been the greatest of struggles for my beloved, for my family and for me. I won’t get too deep into the details because, not to get all Rhonda Byrne on you, I no longer wish to give the negative any more power.

Over the past months, I have had to cancel plans at the last minute. I have had to say “no” a lot, to a lot of people and occasions and I didn’t always give the real reason, the reason being that my husband didn’t feel well and was in pain. I didn’t always disclose the severity of it all to everyone because it was what was happening to him, I was not going to let it start to define him. There is more to my beloved than his health/heart issues and I was going to do all I could to protect that. I also stayed home because of my lovely daughter. It was bad enough she had to see the initial heart attack. I wasn’t about to leave her home alone with her Dad not feeling well and all that entailed.

The purpose of today’s tale you ask? The point is this – you never know what someone else is going through, so try not to take their actions or their behavior so personally. As I have had to realize in my 41 years, it’s not always about you. A lesson all of us in the beauty biz and retail biz should learn. Sure, there are those who are nasty for the sake of being nasty – those Nellie Oleson’s need our pity, not our anger. I am talking about;

– the woman who comes in looking for Sebastian Shaper Plus and when you tell her it is on order, she looks through you and scowls “what a waste of my time”. Instead of getting upset, I ask her if I can have her number so I can call her when it comes in and I can hold a can for her. In this case, she just looked at me, put her hands down on the counter and said “thank you, that would be so helpful.”. – you see, she was on her way to the funeral home. Her mother had just passed away, and she had buried her brother the month before.

– a woman complaining that all the mousses and root boosts are crap and don’t work in her hair. When I ask her what other products she uses and who colors her hair, I come to find out that she is on chemo and she didn’t like her hair color so she used a box dye and didn’t like that, so used another box dye the next day. I gave her some conditioning treatment samples and explained why it isn’t a good idea to color your hair twice in two days. After 15 minutes, she calmed down and thanked me, and apologized…and purchased some product.

So, the next time someone is being nasty, or plans get cancelled with a reason you feel is an excuse, or your client starts to lose it because her favorite hairspray is on back order, take a minute and try getting down to the heart of the matter. You never know, you may be the only glimpse of kindness that person has seen all day….if they come into the shop with a faulty flat iron in their hand – still be kind. Just be sure to duck.

health and wellness, lifestyle, Women

Kindness 101 Section 2

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You may be familiar with my previous blog, Kindness 101. No? Well, feel free to read it, you will find it in the July archives. In the past weeks many great things have been happening to myself and to others that I hold dear. The great events aren’t the only things we all  have had in common  – we all have been the brunt of a sarcastic or unkind word.

Ladies and gents, seriously, do I have to say this again? I know I am a mother but I HATE when I am forced to sound like one. BE NICE. BE KIND. Not sure what that means or how to do it? I have compiled a little list for you all. Feel free to add it to your favorites, share it on Facebook or print it off and keep it in your wallet for future reference.

– When someone is excited about their news, be excited with them = Kind. Respond with “hmpt…whatever…” = Not kind.

– When someone gets a Pixie cut tell them they look great =Kind. Telling them they look more like Peter Pan than a pixie =Not Kind

– A friend has lost 20 pounds and has 10 to go, hug them, tell them they can do it = Kind. Telling them “Are you sure it’s only 10” = Not kind.

– When someone is speaking to you, look them in the eye = Kind. You keep looking at your phone as they speak to you = Not kind.

– When someone is following their dream, even if it is to be the best damn basket weaver on the planet, tell them you have their back and want the first basket they weave = Kind. Asking them if they have joined a commune = Not kind.

– When someone is recovering from addiction and is having a trying day and wants a drink, offer to listen and tell them to call their sponsor =Kind. Telling them to “get over it” = Not kind (actually = Idiotic).

– When someone has colored their hair purple and red and they love it, love it with them =Kind. Telling them Sesame Street is looking for them =Not kind.

– Your friend gets a perm and it was over processed and she can’t fix it for a few days, help her try to style it = Kind. Telling her she needs a hat =Not kind.

– When someone has just lost a loved one, be it a parent or pet, take their hand and ask if they need anything, then shut up = Kind. Asking for every detail from time of death to burial while you Google embalming  = Not kind

– When someone’s dream is beginning to unfold for them, congratulate them, celebrate it = Kind. Telling them “Great, now you will forget all about me.” = Not Kind

– When someone’s parent is in the hospital and needs child care for their children, offer to take their children, free of charge = Kind. Calling and asking for an hourly rate = Not kind.

Trust me, I am the first to admit life is tough. I know how frustrating it is when things don’t go your way or work out as planned. One thing I do know is this – The more you belittle someone else, the smaller your life becomes. If you think your life is crap, your family vehicle will become the manure truck. Yeah, I know, taking the high road is exhausting. Trust me – I am thinking of investing in a portable oxygen mask. (wait for it…high road…lack of oxygen…there you go.).

Celebrate each other victories, big or small. Laugh with each other, not at each other. Be kind. It is really that simple. Treat people as you want to be treated…and don’t throw the flat iron.

 

 

 

health and wellness, lifestyle

Kindness 101

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I sat down to write about products today and as I began to write I realized, nope. That’s not what today’s tale is going to be about. Today’s tale is about kindness. You see, I know you are expecting funny tales of my daily escapades in my shop or tales of products and how to use them. Today I feel I must write about kindness. You see I believe that kindness is a HUGE factor in beauty, be it physical beauty or spiritual beauty.

When I speak of kindness, I don’t mean holding the door open for an elderly person – that is called courtesy, I don’t mean avoid name calling – that is called having manners. I am speaking of kindness – truly listening to the person who is speaking to you, being happy for them and their achievements, how ever trivial you may think they are. Lifting someone’s spirit’s up – not pushing them down to where it makes you feel comfortable. Honestly, everyday I see or hear people choosing to be unkind and it stills astonishes me. Yep, I’m going to be 40 in a few weeks and I still don’t understand why anyone over the age of 12 chooses to be mean or chooses to belittle the dreams of others.

At least once a week I meet a woman who has changed her cut or color and loved it just to have her husband or best friend tell her it is a disaster or a huge mistake. While I help them wipe away their tears (yes…9 out of 10 times they are crying), I ask them “Do you like your hair?” and they say “Yes, but…” and before I let her finish, I tell her, “If you like it, who cares what they think anyway? If you are happy with your new look, that is what is important. You must do what you like, because in the wee small hours of the morning, it is you and you alone with yourself and your thoughts. People are gonna talk anyways, why not really give ’em something to talk about?”. Then we laugh together, and I help her find a product to help keep her new look going, or sometimes I just give her a hug and a tissue and tell her “they need our sympathy, you can’t fix stupid”.

Not to sound all hippie, gonna “buy the world a coke” kind of thing, I want you to try something. Next time you hear someone excited about something, be excited with them. I don’t care if they are excited because they found a dollar on the street or their child just got into Harvard or they finally had the guts for fire engine red streaks put through their hair. Whatever it is, it means something to that person and who are you or I to take that happiness away from them? If we can be happy for a child who has just found a nickel and thinks they are rich and we can join in their enthusiasm, why not be happy for someone who has a dream and has the guts to chase after it? We have all been there, so happy and excited over something and somebody comes along and dumps on it. Being cruel and unkind is ugly, not one ounce of beauty in that kind of behavior.

Be happy for others. Just be happy for them. It’s really that simple.