Beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Uh oh…you thought my civility meant softness

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As you know, I manage a retail shop/Salon. I love my job. I get excited when I have helped a woman love her hair. Yes, I am 41 years old and I will clap my hands and exclaim “YAY!” when a client thanks me for introducing them to the product that saved their hair, be it KMS HairPlay Molding Paste or SOMA Solace. I show my excitement. I giggle. I clap. If they are a regular customer and we have a good rapport, I even hug. I also show my genuine concern when a client is not happy with a product. I listen to their frustrations. I clarify what exactly was the issue with the product. I ask them how they are using the product and help them figure out if it is the right product, just being used incorrectly, or if there may be a better product for them. I say please. I say thank you. I make eye contact. I also, on some occasions, must keep my cool and stand there as someone loses their cool. Of course sometimes I have to duck – flying flat iron – enough said.

The reason I gave you all a fly on the wall glimpse into my daily life is this – to prove, once and for all that being a happy, positive person does not mean you are stupid and have your head in the clouds. That having manners does not mean you are fake and trying to impress everyone in the room. That keeping your cool while someone is losing it does not mean you have no back bone.

Every once and a while I meet someone who takes one look at me with my blonde hair and big earring and high heels and decides what ever they are gonna decide about me. After they speak to me for a few minutes I seem to hear the same things;

– “I thought you were going to be a snob” – because I said please and thank you and had so much manners. (actually said to me…yep.)

– “I thought you were a diva!” – because I like my bling. (I would so bedazzle this post if I could.).

– “I thought you were too young to know anything about this stuff” …thanks for the genes Mom & Dad

– “I’m sorry”. – said to me after I asked if they were going to calm down or did I need to call the police. Yep, a grown woman lost her shit because I wouldn’t take back a flat iron that had no receipt, no box, no proof of purchase and had a broken plate, which after the threat of police (from your truly) and apology for throwing said flat iron (from said crazed customer) she admitted she dropped it on the ceramic tile floor in her bathroom.

The point of today’s tale is this; be kind and never assume anything of anyone, good or bad, beautiful or ugly – in the end they will show that themselves.

– If you are fortunate enough to meet someone who is kind, do not treat them like they are simple and stupid because they offer their kindness. (see above title)

– When you see someone excited about something, join in the excitement, don’t roll your eyes and tell them “to grow up”.

– When you see someone, lady or gent, impeccably dressed, compliment them. Do not scowl at them – they are not trying to “out-do” you – that’s your problem honey, not theirs.

– When a woman has her hair done, make up applied and is wearing heels, it does not mean that she is after your man, or that she is a bimbo without a brain, or that she is craving attention. Maybe, just maybe, she likes herself.

– When you are talking to a sales person, do not belittle nor berate them. It makes you a bully. A bully picking on someone’s child.

…oh, and never mistake civility for softness.

Beauty

Leave the bunnies alone

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Today’s tale is a tale I feel I must tell. I work in a Salon, I deal with more women than men on a daily basis and believe me, I hear and see it all. The saddest and most disheartening thing I get to witness is how women will bash other women, or worse, their own daughters. I hear women call other women “sluts” based on their hairstyle, or choice of wardrobe. 

I have confession to make. When I was young girl of the 1970’s I wanted to be a Playboy Bunny. Yes. It’s true. Whenever my parents weren’t looking I would sneak into my Dad’s closet and look at his stash of Playboy’s. …sorry Dad…the jig is up. I thought the women were so beautiful and I couldn’t wait until I looked like them….or if I was really lucky I would have a body like Marilyn Monroe (who as we all know was in Playboy.). I remember when I got my first full slip (I was 8 years old) and I stood in front of my bedroom mirror, brush in hand and sang “Happy Birthday Mr. President”. I couldn’t wait to have curves. I couldn’t wait to be a woman. 

Flash forward to 1987. I was now 15 years old and was getting the curves I so desired. I remember exclaiming in a 15 year old excited shrill to a friend “Look at my hips!”. My celebration was short lived. I was told they made me look fat and I also learned that girls that liked their curves and showed them off were “sluts like the girls in Playboy”. I remember this as clear as day because up until that moment it never occurred to me that the women I thought were so beautiful were anything other than that, beautiful. So, being 15, I traded in my tight jeans for loose cotton pants and regrettably jumped on the bunny banning band wagon.

Flash forward to 2012. On a quiet Saturday morning I am flipping through the movie channels and stumble upon a documentary. “Hugh Hefner: Playboy, Activist and Rebel”. I highly recommend that every woman watch this. It will shed an entire new light on the man behind Playboy. Sure, Hugh likes the ladies. He likes them so much that he supports women’s rights and a woman’s right to choose. He is a firm supporter of the first amendment – which any feminist out there should be thankful for…yeah, I said it. At the end of the documentary, I sat there for a minute, remembering my 8 year old self in her slip singing into the mirror. I remembered my 15 year old self loving her hips until someone told me not to. I thought of the wasted years (almost 20), listening to other’s opinions and going along with them out of fear of being ridiculed, judging myself because of someone else’s opinion of curves and sexuality. I had been blaming Playboy, the bunnies and Mr. Hefner for my insecurities about my curves and my sexuality and all the while they were the ones celebrating it.

Ladies, we are beautiful. We come in all shapes and sizes. We should celebrate each other, not bash each other. If you think a certain hairstyle is too provocative, then don’t get your hair styled that way – and do not bash the woman who does. Do not assume the woman who is rockin’ the skinny jeans and stiletto’s has had “work done and is showing off.”…deep down, we all know there is a tad of jealousy there. Yeah, I said it. Instead of bashing her and her great ass, get on over to the gym and create your own great ass. Oh, and ladies, say what you want about the bunnies…you know that if you looked like them you would wear that costume to the grocery store…I know I would.

 

 

 

Beauty, communication, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Whatever floats your boat

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Something has been playing on my mind as of late, and being me I gotta talk about it, I gotta. Working at a Salon, I hear lots of tales, of happiness, of despair, of births and deaths and everything in between. The tales that I find the most upsetting are those of shame. Grown women being ashamed of their bodies, their body image or lack there of and of their sex life. Unless you were in a convent or in a coma, I am sure you have heard of or read 50 shades of grey.  I know that most of our clientele has read it or heard about it. I read the trilogy.Twice. Yeah…I said it. Some of the women spoke openly about it and we shared some cackles and blushes. Some of the women whispered about it, afraid that if they spoke openly and loudly about their book club choice that they would be judged. Some women hid the fact they were reading it because they didn’t want their husbands or best friends judging them, they didn’t want people thinking they were a slut. One woman I know was ashamed that she liked what she read and this is why I am writing this today.

When we are young, we are always being told to be a “good girl” and “nice girls” don’t behave like that – be it wearing too much lipstick, a low cut blouse, teasing our hair, kicking boys in the shin or kissing them in the back seat. What I have come to realize is this. Grown  women forget that they are grown women now, not little girls under the ever watchful judgmental eye of society. If what you wear or how you choose to live your life makes you happy and is YOUR CHOICE, there is no shame to be had.

Forgive me ladies for what I am about to say. We prejudge our husbands/partners and don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Yeah…I said it. You know it’s true. We are all guilty of it. So many women I know that read 50 shades said “there is no way I am telling my husband I liked that book! He’ll think I am  a freak!” to which I always answered “He probably will and he will be over the moon!”. Some ladies laughed, others just stared and I could see their wheels of judgement begin to turn, to which I began to sing to myself…Big wheel keep on turnin’, Proud Mary keep on burnin’.

Too many women let the opinions (or what they think are the opinions) of the general public decide their fate. Some things you must realize. There will always be someone who will point a finger in judgement. You know the people I am talking about, the ones who would have judged Christ himself “How could the son of GOD make water into wine?!?!”. Get used to it and try your best not to let it get to you. If you want to wear thigh high boots and mini skirts because it makes you feel beautiful, do it. If having platinum blonde hair extensions makes you feel sexy and attractive, wear them. If you like how your eyes look while wearing false eyelashes, apply them and bat away. If you like to read erotica and it helps you and your better half have a more intimate relationship in and out of the bedroom, read away. If judging others floats your boat, row away. Far, far away.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized

Who knew Qtips could do so much?

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“If you talked to your friends the way you talk to your body, you’d have no friends left” – Marcia Hutchinson. I came across this quote a few months ago, and over the past few days it keeps popping up around me, be it on Facebook, Pinterest or over hearing conversations in the Salon. Funny tale to tell today…well, funny in a “okay, I get it” kind of way.

Confession. I haven’t always been this confident woman you read before you. I was that girl, the one who acted confident but went home everyday thinking she was fat, stupid, dumb, ugly…take your pick of any negative description of a person and that was what I thought I was. Over the past few weeks, I have heard the same phrases coming out of the mouths of the women coming into the shop, and I have let it get to me. You know what they say…what you surround yourself with you become. I started to bring it home with me, which is never a good thing, nothing worse than letting someone get in your head and reside there rent free. The constant negativity compounded with a few personal exclusions over the past few days were the perfect ingredients for a recipe for emotional disaster. Yes, I am 40 but it stills stings me a bit when I am excluded…I’m working on it.

Last night, as I was sitting and pouting, on my twitter feed I came across the above quote and literally right after came across this little gem from @simonsinek “If you want to achieve anything in this world, you have to get used to the idea that not everyone will like you”. (told you this was an “okay I get it” kind of tale). He is right. I know that. I blog about it all the time. I had forgotten. I had let myself wander off my path because it was getting lonely at times. Funny thing is, when you stop being true to yourself, you become more miserable and lonely than you thought you were to begin with.

This morning, I was still a little glum, couldn’t seem to shake my melancholy, then I went into the bathroom and saw that my hubby had refilled the Qtip jar and everything fell into place. Yep, I am that easy to please. In that instant I realized that all the negative thoughts floating around in my head were not mine, they belonged to the woman who yelled at me because the hairspray I had introduced her to that she loves is on back order…until Monday, and to the woman who didn’t understand why exchanging her flat iron was so easy to do and disappointed that the process didn’t take 20 minutes like she had planned it would. (seriously folks…I WISH I was making this up). All the anger I had towards my family was not my own, it belonged to the woman who’s husband had found a new love and to the gentleman who was angry at his wife because he had to pick up her hair color and she “never” does anything herself. I do like my hair, and I do think I look good and am proud of it. I don’t down play myself because I am now 40 and as the lovely woman in jogging pants and rubber boots so lovingly pointed out “putting on jewelry and doing your hair when you are over 35 is stupid”.( I got to meet this gem in the 1-8 item line at the grocery store…she had 9 items by the way).

It is so important to be kind, not just to others, but to ourselves. We teach people how to treat us (thank you Maya Angelou) and, although I hate to admit my faults, over the past few days I have been responsible for the negativity coming my way. I was letting it get to me and become the lesson I was teaching to all who crossed my path. With a little help from my Twitter feed and  a jar of Qtips, I have a new lesson plan.

Beauty, communication, Fashion, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

True Colors

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As it seems to happen, the tale I was going to tell you has changed. I was going to share a tale of product knowledge today but it seems that tale will have to wait for another day. As I was eating my Honey Nut Cheerio’s and warming up the ol’ laptop I turned on the T.V. and heard a familiar tune from my youth. The tune was “True Colors” by Cyndi Lauper but it was not my beloved Ms. Lauper singing. It was Artists Against Bullying – A beautifully selected group of Canadian artists singing an anthem from my youth. While watching the video as they displayed lyrics, thoughts and truths on white sheets of paper ( an homage to Bob Dylan) I found myself catapulted back to 1986 for the briefest of moments and remembering how I would play and rewind that song on my cassette player over and over. No matter what the year, decade or century…we all have either been bullied or felt like we would never fit in.

I know, I can hear you all now, “What does this have to do with beauty?”. The answer is EVERYTHING. When I was 14 I cut off all my hair. I loved it. It was funky. It was fun and it showed off my collection of earrings – from gold hoops to huge plastic numbers…hey, it was the 80’s. The first day I showed up at school with my new do I was welcomed with “wow…you look like a boy!”, “Why did you do that? Guys like long hair.” and my all time favorite “oh…So you are into chicks.”…and no one did anything. No one said anything to defend me. I couldn’t eat my lunch that day because I was using every ounce of my energy to keep my chin up and the tears in. (It was a good lunch, my mom had given me a chocolate bar.).  I didn’t take the bus home that day. I was terrified of what I would hear. I walked home by myself, feeling stupid, ugly and fat – because for some unknown reason all 14 year old girls add “fat” to there list of woes on a bad day. When I reached home I went to my room and sat on the floor wondering how much wigs cost and where to buy one. I started going through my tapes and records (to this day music is what eases my mind and my soul) and came across Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors. I didn’t listen to it right away. I just sat there staring at her. Her hair, her make up, her clothes. Then I grabbed her “She’s so unusual” album and stared at her some more. I sat there listening to her songs and staring at her hair and slowly felt a wee bit better. If she was okay being unusual, then I could be okay being unusual too.

The point to today’s tale is this. You can be yourself. People may not like it – let that be their problem. I have found that those who don’t support me are those who wish they could do their own thing but are too scared to even fathom the idea. For the parents out there – be kind to your children. Let them try new things with their hair and if they are made fun of because of their new mohawk, do not say “I told you so”. Tell them they look great and hug them. Ladies – when your gent is losing his hair…stop reminding him. Gents – when your lady tries a new cut and color…tell her she is beautiful. Everyone – when you see someone being mistreated, stand up for them.

“Never, never be afraid to do what is right, especially if the well-being of a person or an animal is at stake. Society’s punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Beauty, communication, entertainment, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women

The lady has guts

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I started this blog to share the tales of my daily escapades in the shop/salon I work in, to give a different perspective, to educate and enlighten the masses about the world of beauty. There is something I feel I need to share with you all, an  educational tool if you will. Although today’s blog isn’t about hairspray or rash ravaged bikini lines, it is about beauty. The beauty of honesty and pain. Of sharing your story and speaking your truth.

There is a book that kept coming across my path. Every time I was at the book store, there it was. It was never in the section it was supposed to be in. So, I picked it up, flipped it open to a random page and the first thing I read had me laughing. I bought the book. The book is guts by Kristen Johnston. With each chapter I found I myself laughing, crying or shaking my head in acknowledgement, or all three. You may think I am romanticizing (and if so power to you), this book gave me that last little nudge to take a leap of faith in myself. I am not an addict, nor have I battled an addiction in a traditional  sense, but I have battled with the voices in my head saying “You are not good enough”, “You are not pretty enough” and so on. Come on…admit it…we have all been there at least once, ladies and gents alike. Kristen Johnston tells her story truthfully, she puts it out there for all the world to see. Most of us can’t even admit to ourselves in the wee small hours of the morning our shortcomings. I always thought I knew what it meant to have guts. Now I am sure of its definition. Her story confirmed what my father had told me all along…different is good, and she confirmed what I had always felt to be true, sometimes being a smart ass is a good thing.

Here is the reason I am sharing this tale today. I am all for voicing an opinion (if you have been reading my blog you know that) and freedom of speech, when it is the truth, not when it is a lie. Every once and a while I come across or hear an uneducated remark and it gets me a little fired up. Be it about our beloved author, bad hair advice or anything negative in general. (maybe I am entering early menopause…still got the ol’ ovaries).There is difference between being a smart ass and just being an ass.

Choose your words carefully. Do not use the internet as courage. If you won’t say something to someone’s face, maybe you shouldn’t say it at all. Be kind, because in the end, it may be your story being shared.

Beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women

You know you like it

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Every day, at least once a day, a woman comes into the shop looking for something new. I see her come in the door, We exchange our “hello’s”, she heads over to her “go to” product, picks it up, puts it back on the shelf. She picks it up again and puts it back down. She starts to walk around the store, looking at all the shelves of product. I ask if I can help her. She tells me no. She ends up back at the shelf she started at, and sighs. I walk over and ask “Are you sure I can’t help you?”. She turns to me, sighs again and says “I guess you can. I mean maybe, I really don’t know.”. So I ask her why she picked up the first product then kept putting it down. (lets say it was Joico JoiWhip for educational purposes.). The response is always the same “I was told I needed to change my products.”. So I ask her, “Do you like JoiWhip? Are you happy with the hold and volume it offers?”. This response is always the same also, “Yes, I love it!”. I reassure her that if she has found a product that works for her and she likes it, she doesn’t have to change it. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” is what I end up saying and usually I get a laugh. I was once corrected on my grammar but at least it wasn’t accompanied with a flying flat iron.

Ladies and Gents, when it comes to your hair products, if you like the products you are using, keep on using them. You don’t need to change because someone said so…that being said – I do highly recommend to stop using drug store product and invest in professional salon products. You know your hair, you know what it will do and what it won’t. You know how much or how little time you want to spend on your hair. You know the scents you like and the hold you want. The same goes for your life. If you like what you are doing, keep doing it. If you like to bang your head to Iron Maiden…bang away. If you like to skip down the lane…skip away. You know yourself and what you like. Trust yourself. I have said on many occasions that I believe a little fairy dust goes a long way. I am forty years old and I am sure many people I meet may think I am a little “off” because I say hello to caterpillars – you never know – the one you don’t say hello to may be the one caterpillar that is capable of speech.

If you like your JoiWhip or your Moroccanoil or your BigSexy Spray and Play – keep using it. If you like to sing along to Weird Al while you drive around town – be like a surgeon and tell ’em to eat it. Be yourself and trust yourself – there is nothing more beautiful.

 

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women

Stuart Smalley may have been on to something…

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I am sure after reading some of my blogs some of you are thinking “what’s up with that girl in the red coat? I thought this was supposed to be a blog about  beauty and salon tales.”. We my lovelies, it is. As I have stated before, there is more to beauty than flat irons and hairsprays…although they can be quite helpful. Everyday I see all sides of beauty, from a woman walking in with a bad hair cut which one of our talented stylists transforms into a great cut, to a woman stepping over our threshold in search of herself…someone she lost somewhere along the way and together we find her. I am also a witness to some of the greatest stories and achievements. I love hearing great news or exciting happenings in the lives of our customers and clients and in some circumstances, it seems I am the only one.

You see, as I learned the hard way, not everyone is happy for you when something good happens to you. I know how down right devastating it is to open up to someone and share something that is so exciting for you just to have them either put you down, laugh at you or (the worst of all) not respond at all. So I make it a point to be excited for any news – be it that you found $20.00 on your way in to my shop, that you lost 5 pounds or that you are going after your dream – even if that dream is clown college.

We all love attention. We all want recognition. We all deserve these things and we can have them. You wanna know how? Give them to yourself. If you wait for everyone to tell you how awesome you are or how terrific your new cut looks or how great you look in your new size 6’s…you are gonna be waiting a long time. Be happy with yourself, get excited for yourself, hell, throw a party for yourself. Not to get all Stuart Smalley “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and, doggonnit, people like me.” but seriously, once you celebrate yourself, people will be drawn into your life that want to raise you up and keep you there and those who didn’t care to notice you will fade into the shadows.

When someone shares their story, listen to them. When someone is excited, be excited for them. When someone is happy, be happy for them. Plain and simple.

 

Beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

No, I don’t want to tend the rabbits

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Ahhh, that all too familiar chirp of the door chime of my shop. A woman comes in and I ask her if I can give her a hand finding what she needs. She tells me “I am looking for a good conditioning treatment.”. So, I show her the Joico Kpak Revitaluxe. I admit that it is one of my favorites and tell her that everyone that has tried a sample has come back to buy it and I offer her a free sample. After explaining how it restores the porosity of the hair, she asks me “So, are you a stylist?”. “No, I am the manager and I have…” this is when I am spoken over with the all too familiar “Hmmppt…well if you are not a stylist, how can you know anything?” What I want to say is “well…hooked on phonics done worked for me and I done taught meself to read!”. Alas, that doesn’t happen. What happens is I smile, take a breath and explain that I have been in the beauty biz for over 10 years and in customer service for over 20 years. I explain that I have been to every product knowledge class and that I run the store, so I make sure I know everything about what I sell. She still looks at me like I am Forrest Gump or seems to wait for me to start talking about “tending the rabbits”.

Yes, it’s true. I am not a stylist. I am not an aesthetician. I am not a university graduate. What I am is intelligent, articulate, kind and one hell of a sales person and manager. Yeah, I said it. Muhammad Ali said it best “It ain’t braggin’ if you can back it up”, and I can back it up. Don’t get me wrong. I am  a firm believer of furthering one’s education. Some times life gets in the way and some of us aren’t able to go to college or university. That doesn’t mean that we are any less intelligent or capable as our post secondary peers. That being said, I also believe in educating yourself, about yourself. Finding out who you are and what you like, not what everyone expects you to be or what you “should” be and what you are supposed to like.

People tend to judge quickly. Yes, I am a girl standing in a shop, that does not mean I have always been a girl standing in a shop. Also, I have chosen to be where I am today. Yes, its true. Believe it or not…some of us actually enjoy what we do for  a living. Shocking, I know. I have had many experiences, corporately trained and such…a tale for another time.

You cannot teach passion, you either have it or you don’t. If you have passion for what you do as I do, you will become an expert because you will soak up all the knowledge and facts you can like a sponge. You will be excited and in turn make others excited. I have yet to hear of a course anywhere that can teach that.

I may not be a hair stylist,  but I can still teach you a thing or two.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized

Forgive me Gloria…

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To be clear, I am all for “girl power” and am a firm believer in equality. I am grateful to all the women who burned their bras and for their swollen feet and blisters for the marches they marched in so I can vote and have a library card without my daddy’s signature on it. (yes, up until the 1950’s in Canada a woman could not have a library card unless it had a man’s signature on it…my mother remembers my great grandmother taking her to the library the day women were allowed to have their own library card).This being said, as of late I am not seeing much equality out there. The lack of equality is not for the ladies…but for the gents. That’s right. I said it, for the gents.

Every time, I mean every time a gent comes in for product, the second he leaves some woman makes a snide remark, or pokes fun at him. “Isn’t that cute? He wants to do his hair.”. “Hmmppt…who is he trying to impress?”. “He must be gay.”. Yes, although it is 2012, people still have their head so far up their ass they cannot see daylight.

At least a couple of times a week gentlemen come into the shop for hair product. Sometimes they know exactly what they want…so many gents out there love KMS HairPlay Molding Paste and American Crew Fibre. Sometimes they come in looking for advice. Yes ladies, believe it or not, the gents like to look good too…and not just for us ladies…for themselves as well. Sometimes my male clients are feeling a little insecure because they are going through a divorce and haven’t changed their style in 10 years and just don’t know what to do. Some men come in because some jerk at the office made fun of their gray hair and now they think they have to dye it. On one occasion, a young man had just come out of closet and was celebrating his new cut and wanted the right product for his new style.

As women, we want equality. We want to be treated the same as men. So, if this is the case why is it that we as women can have anxiety but men cannot? Why is it that we as women can show fear but men cannot? Why is it as women we can take time and effort in our appearance for our own pleasure but when a man brushes his hair and teeth it is assumed he is “after something?”.

What astonishes me about this back woods mentality is this…if a man said a woman must be a slut if she does her hair and makeup…well, no one would stand for that. So why is it acceptable for a woman to call a man “vain and a womanizer” because he likes his hair to look good? Equality goes both ways ladies.

Want to be seen as an equal? Treat people as you want to be treated. You want respect? You gotta give it.