Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

I have seen the enemy and she is us.

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As I sit here, all that keeps coming to my minds eye are the Dove commercials. You know the ones. The commercials that tell us how girls will stop sports because of their body image…and then my mind’s eye flashes to the mothers and daughters who come into the shop and the mother speaks about the daughter like she isn’t even there. Yes, I agree that the media has a part to play in the self esteem issues of girls and young women, hell of women in general…but I think we are each other’s worst enemy. As Pogo stated “I have seen the enemy and he is us”. In this case, she is us.

Every day, I mean every damn day a woman comes in to the shop and says things like “Oh…I’m too stupid to do my hair”, “I need big hair so people don’t see my big ass”, “Her hair is so greasy it looks like an oil slick” – this coming from a mother talking about her daughter who is right beside her. Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe you are so upset right now and say such things because you are doing what people expect of you instead of what you want to do? Maybe you are being nasty instead of supportive of your best friend’s new hair color because she has the guts to do what she likes instead of what her mother/husband tells her would look good. As for our daughters, ladies, be kind. There is no excuse, none, for a grown woman to pick apart a young girl’s oily scalp or oily complexion. Especially in public, that is just cruel, plain and simple. By the way, that doesn’t fly in my shop. I will always side with the young lady who is being bullied by her mother. That’s right. I said bullied. To be clear – literally pointing your finger and pointing out pimples and oily scalp = mean. Quietly asking for advice to help get rid of oily scalp while arm is around daughter’s shoulder = kind.

It is time to stop being so damn mean and so damn afraid. That’s right, afraid. Dig through meanness and you will find fear. If you are over the age of 21, it is time to stop being afraid of what your mother is going to think. Maybe your mother didn’t know any better, but we do and as Maya Angelou said “when you know better, you do better”. It’s time to do better, to each other and to the young ladies behind us. Ladies, if your best friend goes blonde, she did it for her, not to steal your husband. Your daughter dyed her hair black because she thought it would be cool, not because she is joining a cult. If you like to do your hair and makeup, it does not make you a shallow person or a bad mother. Stop being afraid of what people are going to think or say. Like I always say, people are going to talk no matter what you do so why not really give ’em something to talk about.

It is time to make the room change when we enter it instead of blending into the furnishings.

Beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Do no harm…but take no shit

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My title for today’s tale is a quote I came across a few weeks ago, and has become a little mantra of mine. As of late, I have been seeing and hearing many things that are ugly. I don’t mean the Pajama pant/Louis Vuitton ensembles at the local market (although the look is a little gag worthy). I am talking about how people are treating each other, talking to and about each other. People taking advantage of other’s concern, compassion and kindness. It pisses me off to no end.

As you all know, I manage a retail shop/salon, so I am privy to many a conversation. I see women say to another woman’s face “You look terrific!” and the minute she leaves the shop they turn and say to whomever is in their radar (usually lucky me) “wow…what happened there?”. “You forgot to take your meds?!” is what I want to desperately say. Alas, I strap on my oxygen mask, take the high road and answer with “I don’t know what you are talking about. I thought you said she looked terrific.”. – this usually stumps them, they stare at me for a minute and before they have a second to spew another ugly remark I wish them a great day, and move on to my tasks at hand, be it inventory, helping a customer or simply walking away – hence….do no harm, but take no shit.

One of the saddest events I have witnessed is watching someone be ignored. Their stories dismissed, like a flyer handed to you on the street, or worse, not even being an after thought. There is nothing more hurtful than when someone asks how your day was and as you begin to tell them, they stare off into space, or better yet, look at their phone and then look up at you and say “What?!”. (come on…we have all done it at least once…lets hope it was just once.).

There seems to be a HUGE misunderstanding out there, that to be kind means you must be a doormat. To be kind you must be all “a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down”. That to be kind you must smile and be polite and take anything that comes at you and put a Pollyanna spin on it. I am here to tell you that is not the case, nor should it ever be. As defined by the Oxford Dictionary… Kind – Gentle and considerate towards others. It is not defined –  allow yourself to be kicked in the crotch, take one for the team, allow yourself to be ignored or allow yourself to lower yourself so someone else won’t feel uncomfortable or jealous. Allowing someone to mistreat your kindness not only hurts you, it hurts them – not very gentle nor considerate. Before you begin to freak out about hurting them – let me explain. It hurts them because now they are resented and don’t even know it. Not too kind my friends…kinda makes you just like them. It isn’t pretty nor is it comfortable, but when someone is being an ass to you,and you see them as a vital part of your life six months down the road, ya gotta call them out on it…the ass throwing the flat iron, let her keep all that crazy to herself. Do no harm, but take no shit.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

What is looking for you?

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As per usual, I sat down to to tell you all a tale of the newest addition to the Joico family of products, alas, it will have to be a tale for another time. It is Sunday morning in my corner of the world, the sun is shining, tulips from my garden are blooming on my kitchen table, a cool morning breeze is making the steam from my coffee glisten in the morning light and I am happy. I am…two words that I had, in all honesty, never appreciated their importance, until about a month ago.

I was surfing You Tube, after watching all the episodes (for the tenth time) of Comedians in cars getting coffee with Jerry Seinfeld, I started searching all the Oprah’s Master Class episodes and came across her Life Class with Joel Osteen. (Yes, I know it is Sunday, and no I am not gonna ask you if you have found Jesus…first – that is none of my business, and second…I didn’t know he was lost.). Back to the tale at hand. “Whatever follows “I am” will come looking for you”. Can you say “LIGHT BULB!”. (I would say AHA! …but Oprah kinda owns that one.). Something else Joel said was “If you want to know what your life will look like in 5 years…listen to how you are speaking today.”. Yikes…in a good way. In my minds eye I flashed back to 2008, to myself, sitting on my bathroom floor, giving over to whatever forces may be…god, the universe, the smurfs…to help me let go of my fears and my insecurities and get me back to me. Back to present day, I am back in the business I love, I actually believe I am pretty, I no longer feel fat nor base my identity on my looks, I am stronger in all senses of the word, I am a writer, I took the leap and started my blog, I met Tabatha Coffey. I am pretty awesome, if I do say so myself…and I often do.

At the shop and in the Salon, I hear so many women, and men say “I am old”, “I am ugly”, “I am useless” and many other sad, lonely phrases. I never quite paid attention until I heard Joel’s take on the matter. As you know, my tales are about educating and enlightening us all about the world of beauty. My tales may not always be about how to apply Root Boost (before blow drying, separate your hair at the roots, spray the root boost directly at scalp, rub into roots, then blow dry…couldn’t help myself). Some of my tales will be to help you find the beauty within yourself, your family, the world. Beauty is out there, it is right beside you, it is in you, if you choose to see it, hear it, speak it.

Remember …whatever follows “I am” is gonna come looking for you…so the question is this…what is looking for you?

Beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women

Tip(s) ‘O the day

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I manage a Salon/Retail shop. I have had over 20 years of experience working with the public. Everyday, I mean EVERYDAY I see things that either make me do a double take or make me look for the nearest needle so I can stick it in my eyes. Don’t even get me started on what I smell …yeah I said smell. Or what I hear for that matter…those of you familiar with my Tales of Truth series know what I am talking about.

From time to time on Twitter I will give a “tip ‘o the day”. Well, me being me, I have decided to make you all a little list. A “Tip ‘o the day” list. Think of it as a how to/ self help visual aid. Feel free to print it off and give it to your friends, coworkers, family members…the mailman.

– When coming for an appointment at the Salon and you only want a spray cut, it is polite to have showered in the last 24 hours. *The same goes for your Brazilian wax appointment…wait for it…there you go.

– When you have ingrown hairs along your bikini line, you can just say so. Please refrain from unzipping your 501’s at the front desk.

– If you need to blow your nose, put the tissue in your pocket or your purse. Do not throw it on the front counter as you ask if I can “throw that out”.

– Do not clean out your wallet/purse of old receipts as you wait for the debit machine to process and tell me to “make myself useful and throw these out for me”.

– For the gents – when we can tell what religion you are – your pants are too tight.

– Pajama pants are for slumber parties and college co-eds and the occasional trip to Walmart. Going out for a night on the town? Leave the fleece ensemble at home.

– Do not open every shade of polish and try it on your nails to see if you like it. There are swatches for a reason.

– Unless you see the word “TESTER” on the package, it is not a tester. Do not open every pomade container and swoosh your finger around in it.

– When shopping with a small child, I know it can be trying. I am a mother. That being said…if Junior has been “freaking out in every store all day” take it as a sign to go home and try again another day. For the love of God…take the child home.

– Sales people are not babysitters, nor are hairdressers.

– The Dollar store sells deodorant, bars of soap and wash clothes and towels, toothpaste and toothbrushes…enough said.

– If you think you have a fungal infection on your feet, do not come in the shop and sit on the floor taking off your shoe. Give your M.D. a call or go to the Walk In down the street. Seriously, I can’t help you and honestly…it is icky.

– When you see a dish of complimentary candies, please help yourself to one or two. Digging through the dish to take 8 of your favorites is a little rude.

– If you are going to throw a fit and swear at the salesperson/cashier, could you at least try to be grammatically correct.

– Never, I mean never belittle your child in front of the stylist. “Can you fix this? Isn’t it disgusting?!” is a horrible description of your child who happens to have an oily scalp, and quite honestly, it makes you look like an asshole.

– Don’t lie about using a box dye. We know you did. Hell, the guys on the space station can tell.

– Louis Vuitton purses and Crocs are a no no.

– Last but certainly not least…Do not throw the flat iron.

Beauty

Leave the bunnies alone

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Today’s tale is a tale I feel I must tell. I work in a Salon, I deal with more women than men on a daily basis and believe me, I hear and see it all. The saddest and most disheartening thing I get to witness is how women will bash other women, or worse, their own daughters. I hear women call other women “sluts” based on their hairstyle, or choice of wardrobe. 

I have confession to make. When I was young girl of the 1970’s I wanted to be a Playboy Bunny. Yes. It’s true. Whenever my parents weren’t looking I would sneak into my Dad’s closet and look at his stash of Playboy’s. …sorry Dad…the jig is up. I thought the women were so beautiful and I couldn’t wait until I looked like them….or if I was really lucky I would have a body like Marilyn Monroe (who as we all know was in Playboy.). I remember when I got my first full slip (I was 8 years old) and I stood in front of my bedroom mirror, brush in hand and sang “Happy Birthday Mr. President”. I couldn’t wait to have curves. I couldn’t wait to be a woman. 

Flash forward to 1987. I was now 15 years old and was getting the curves I so desired. I remember exclaiming in a 15 year old excited shrill to a friend “Look at my hips!”. My celebration was short lived. I was told they made me look fat and I also learned that girls that liked their curves and showed them off were “sluts like the girls in Playboy”. I remember this as clear as day because up until that moment it never occurred to me that the women I thought were so beautiful were anything other than that, beautiful. So, being 15, I traded in my tight jeans for loose cotton pants and regrettably jumped on the bunny banning band wagon.

Flash forward to 2012. On a quiet Saturday morning I am flipping through the movie channels and stumble upon a documentary. “Hugh Hefner: Playboy, Activist and Rebel”. I highly recommend that every woman watch this. It will shed an entire new light on the man behind Playboy. Sure, Hugh likes the ladies. He likes them so much that he supports women’s rights and a woman’s right to choose. He is a firm supporter of the first amendment – which any feminist out there should be thankful for…yeah, I said it. At the end of the documentary, I sat there for a minute, remembering my 8 year old self in her slip singing into the mirror. I remembered my 15 year old self loving her hips until someone told me not to. I thought of the wasted years (almost 20), listening to other’s opinions and going along with them out of fear of being ridiculed, judging myself because of someone else’s opinion of curves and sexuality. I had been blaming Playboy, the bunnies and Mr. Hefner for my insecurities about my curves and my sexuality and all the while they were the ones celebrating it.

Ladies, we are beautiful. We come in all shapes and sizes. We should celebrate each other, not bash each other. If you think a certain hairstyle is too provocative, then don’t get your hair styled that way – and do not bash the woman who does. Do not assume the woman who is rockin’ the skinny jeans and stiletto’s has had “work done and is showing off.”…deep down, we all know there is a tad of jealousy there. Yeah, I said it. Instead of bashing her and her great ass, get on over to the gym and create your own great ass. Oh, and ladies, say what you want about the bunnies…you know that if you looked like them you would wear that costume to the grocery store…I know I would.

 

 

 

Beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Tales of Truth – Part 8

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Gather ’round ladies and gents, girls and boys, it is time for that girl in the red coat’s Tales of Truth. Just when I think I have seen and heard it all, I hear the chirp of the shop’s door chime and VOILA!, more tales to be told. As I have stated before, all these tales are true, they are based on actual events. The tales are not those of fiction, unfortunate, yet true.

(before I begin our first tale – let me give you a little background tale) In Canada, we are slowly getting rid of our beloved penny…not the Penny from The Big Bang Theory…the currency. We can still accept pennies as payment, we are no longer giving them back with change. Now on with the tale. As I was finishing ringing through a customer’s purchase of RUSK Wless hairspray, I told her the total was $19.85. She looked into her wallet then looked up at me with the most terrified look in her eyes. I asked her “Is everything alright?”, to which she responded with “No!”. I asked her what was the matter to which she responded “I don’t have a nickel. I only have 5 pennies!”. So, I said “Okay, that is fine.” to which she said “Are you sure you won’t get in trouble for taking pennies now that they are abolished?”. I took a breath, told myself not to show it on my face, and explained to her the new “rules” about pennies to which she sighed “thank you for telling me, I was so scared every time I opened my wallet!”. …thank god she never worked the underground railroad.

 

I hear the familiar chirp of the door chime and look up to see a woman, staring at me. “Hello! Do you need my help with something today?” I ask. “I have a question for you about hairspray.” she says, then stares at me again. Dear lord…here we go. “What is your question?” I ask. She shuffles closer to me, bows her head and in a whisper asks “Is it safe to use hairspray?”. So, I did what anyone would do in this scene, I whispered back “why wouldn’t it be safe?”. (during all of this, all I could picture was the Eiffel tower in the background, a couple of cigarettes and a black briefcase containing “zee meecrofilm”.). It seems her sister in law told her that all hairsprays will change your hair color and that is why her hair was looking “brassy”. I told her that it was safe to use hairspray, that it will not change her hair color and that her sister in law needs a new hobby other than surfing the net. She bought two cans of Sebastian Shaper Plus.

 

It was about 10 minutes to closing. It seems the most interesting events happen to me within the first 20 minutes of my day or the last 10 minutes of my day at the shop, and most of the time without a witness. (I really gotta get a camera). Back to the tale at hand. A woman comes up to the counter asking for an appointment for a hair cut. I explain the Salon was closed but would be open again the next day and there was an opening for a cut if she wanted to take that appointment and come back the next day. She said she had to think about it and left. Within seconds she was back, I assumed to take the appointment. NOPE! “Have you accepted Jesus Christ into your heart?” is what she came back for. Before I could say a thing… “If you haven’t…do you want to be saved?!?….Oh, I wanted to be saved alright.

“Is this hair color temporary?” (there is a lime green sign that says “temporary color”). “Yes, it is. It will wash out within two washes, with shampoo”, I answer, with a smile, to which she answered “Pfft…two washes…that ain’t temporary. I know temporary and that ain’t it.”. …yep…this is my life.

Beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Blow out

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Today’s tale is an educational tale. I believe knowledge is power so today I am spreadin’ the word about Professional Hair Dryers. Before you ask, yes, there is a difference between what you find under the “blue light special” and what you can purchase from a Salon. Professional Salon Hair Dryers, or Blow Dryers if you prefer have a stronger motor and blow the air faster and hotter.

The following is a break down of the differences between AC/DC…motors people…not the band.

AC Motor Hair Dryers

– larger/heavier motor

– slower rpm’s – 1500/2000

– a little more durable- motor can last between 700-1200 hours – depending on quantity of use.

– less noisy

– extra powerful airflow = faster drying

– tend to be more expensive

DC Motor Hair Dryers

– smaller/lighter motor

– faster rpm’s – 5000/6000

– usually lasts between 400-700 hours (depending on usage)

– are a little noisier than the AC motor but still quieter than your department store brands

– air flow is not as powerful as AC motor but still does a great job in drying the hair quickly

– less expensive

*by less noisy than department store brands, I mean that you won’t get that high pitch hum/squeal sound emanating from behind the bathroom door frightening the cat.

Oh yes…by the way…WATTAGE has nothing to do with the volume of airflow nor does it reflect the heat output.  Wattage = Power Consumption, plain and simple. The greater the wattage, the greater the power consumption and the greater the speed the fan rotates. So, just because the box may state 2000 Watts of Power! doesn’t necessarily mean it is a better Hair Dryer than the 1700 Watt beauty right beside it.

When purchasing a Professional Hair Dryer, you want to look for the following;

– Does it come with a directional nozzle (for styling)

– If you have curls you want to be sure it comes with a diffuser. * Diffusers  are not a universal fit. Your old diffuser may not fit onto your new dryer.

– What is the warranty? Do you need to keep the receipt and the box?

– How many air flow/heat settings are available?

– Price. A higher price does not always mean a better product….sometimes the price is higher because of the name, yeah…I said it.

So there you go. A little more knowledge for you and the next time you go to purchase a Hair Dryer you will know if the sales person is helping you find the right dryer for you or just blowing hot air.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Reflection

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“Looking through the crowd, I search for somethin’ else, every time I turn around I run into myself”. – Dixie Chicks

One of the hardest jobs is being a parent. We worry if we are raising our kids right, if they are in the right school, if they have nice friends, if they are eating all the four food groups. I don’t know about you all but what I find the most difficult about being a parent is letting my daughter figure out who she is, and constantly reminding myself that she is not me and may not have the same issues that I had at her age. (just because I was smoking and skipping class doesn’t mean she will…actually she has a perfect attendance record…and yes, she is mine. I have the records to prove it).

At least once a week I meet a mother/daughter duo and you can tell the mother is trying to correct the mistakes of her youth through her daughter. One young lady came in asking about going blonde and before I could offer her an appointment with one of our stylists “I bleached my hair in my teens and ruined it so there is no way in hell I am letting my daughter do it.” is what I heard from the mother. It was at this moment that that the daughter looked down at her ripped up vintage chucks with no hope of ever raising her chin. So, me being me, I asked the mom if she had gone blonde at a salon, to which she said “well…no.”. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the daughter begin to raise her chin. I let the mom know that my “blonde” was done in our Salon and she did say “your hair doesn’t look damaged”…now the chin was completely raised and there was the beginning of a smile. I went on to offer our Salon price list and the card of our stylist and let them know they could make an appointment for a free consultation. I looked at the daughter who was now smiling and let her know that if she went blonde there would be up keep and she would need to take care of her hair with professional products like SOMA Blonde Silver Shampoo once a week and Joico’s Kpak Revitaluxe once a week as well.

We were teens once, we know what they can get up to, hell, we got up to it. As parents, all we can do is educate and enlighten, and then hope for the best. What we must not do is assume that our kids are going to do what we did. We must not assume because we smoke and drank at 15 that they will. We must not tell our daughter’s that cutting off their hair was a “huge mistake” because we thought it was when we were 14. We must not tell our son’s that a mohawk makes them “look like a thug” because that is what your parents thought.

Your children are a reflection of you, they are not you, they are their own person, and maybe, just maybe, they will make better choices in their teens then we did in ours.

Beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Tales of Truth – Part 7

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Yep…you read it right…part 7. I’m telling ya, between the February “blahs”, the snow and grey days and the full moon, do I have some tales for you. I find myself wondering if my readers are beginning to send these people into my shop to see if I will either write about their escapades or to see if I will finally snap. As I have stated before, these tales are based on true events (sad…but true).

– A woman came in looking for a new shampoo and conditioner for fine hair. She had tried Joico’s Body Luxe, Matrix’s Total Results Amplify and KMS Add Volume and wanted something new. I showed her the Redken Body Full which is formulated for baby fine hair. She took the bottles in hand and then asked me “this conditioner says light, does that mean it is diet?”. …I am afraid I may let some of you down for I had a hard time stifling the giggle in my voice as I explained that “light” meant it wouldn’t weigh down her hair. (I sounded like Mickey Mouse for a moment…not one of my proudest moments but come on….diet conditioner?)

– A woman came in asking what I could sell her to make her roots not grow out so fast….enough said.

– From time to time I will order in a product that we don’t normally stock in the shop, so I take the customer’s name and number so I can call them when the order arrives. I called one woman to let her know her product arrived and was asked how I got her number.

– There is the sound of chatter and blow dryers and you can see women leaving with their hair beautifully coiffed…a woman comes up to the front counter with her hairspray, stands beside our Salon price list and says “do you have a Salon?” – happens at least 4 times a week…every week.

– The phone rings. I answer with my usual happy greeting. “Do you sell sinks?” is what I am asked. I let the gentleman on the other end of the phone know that we are a retailer and we   sell hair & nail products, to which he says “Yeah…so do you sell sinks?”. I let him know that he needs to get in touch with a wholesaler and even give him a number to call. The phone is dead silent except for a few heavy breaths, then he says “So, you don’t sell sinks then?”.

– A woman complained that her firm hold hairspray had too good of a hold. I asked her if she found it too sticky, or too hard, or if it felt crunchy. She said “No, it’s none of those. It just holds too good.”. – couldn’t help but wonder…does she complain that the Charmin is too squeezable?

– I would not suggest using your 30 Volume peroxide on household injuries or cuts…you don’t want to know.

– Every month we have a monthly draw. We have a sign and ballots right beside the product that is the monthly draw. Every day, at least 20 times a day, I hear “What’s your monthly draw?”…seriously…did hooked on phonics work for anyone?

 

 

 

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

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It has been over a week since my last post. As you know, I am a manager of a glorious salon/shop, a mother of a girl on the verge of 16, a wife, a blogger (hey I missed a week…ease up), and a gal who is slowly but surely embarking on yet another path – retail/salon consultant….oh, and I love to bake tasty treats. Some people see that as busy or over loaded, I see it as life, my life. The past week has been overloaded. I am not getting into details because quite honestly, what’s done is done and there is nothing I can do to change it, I can just deal with the here and now. Nope…you can keep asking…not gonna get into it.

I realized this morning as I told my hairspray to “screw off” because it wasn’t spraying properly, that I had to take a step back and take a moment for me. A moment that didn’t include cooking, cleaning or looking after anyone else. I have written of this before and will continue to write about it, as women, we forget about ourselves. We put everyone else first, put ourselves last and then blame everyone else. Yeah, I said it. You know it’s true. Think about it…how many times have you looked at the kitchen floor at the end of the day and thought “I am the ONLY one who will sweep this floor!”, you don’t ask for someone else to help, you sweep the floor and then proceed to tell everyone in your household “Nothing” when they ask what is the matter. Then your poor hubby asks if you picked up the dry cleaning and you answer with a sarcastic tone, an argument ensues, you end up crying with mascara running down your face and snot hanging from your nose stammering out “I…never…get…any…help!” as your family waits for your head to spin around. Trust me, in the past (month)I have been that woman and am trying with all my might to not be her. It isn’t fair to your family. Most importantly, it isn’t fair to you. To save your family and yourself some grief and to save a call to your local Archdiocese, check out the following little list;

 

– If you want to go out for dinner – tell your hubby that you want to out for dinner. He is not Timmy and you are not Lassie “what’s that girl? You want to go out for dinner?”

– If you want to change your hair color to a certain shade of red, tell your stylist. Bring a picture of the exact color you want. Sitting in their chair hoping they remember the shade of the red M&M but a little deeper red ain’t gonna cut it.

– If you are not happy with the cut your stylist is giving you, tell them. If you sit there and smile and say you love it, they are going to keep giving you the same style. I am all for positive thinking but sitting in the chair and using “the Secret” to attract the style you want won’t work. It won’t.

– If you want to go out with your girlfriend for coffee, call her up and ask. Sitting around complaining that no one ever calls you makes you, well 13 years old.

– If you need help around the house, ask for it. Chanting “Cinderella, Cinderella…all day long it’s Cinderella” may not insure aid.

– If you want your gent to bring you flowers, tell him. NICELY. Having Diamond & Streisand playing “you don’t bring me flowers” on repeat every time he crosses the threshold is a little over the top.

No one can help you if you don’t tell them you need help. No one knows what you need unless you tell them what you need. A baby will cry at everything you give them until you give them the thing they want for Christ’s sake, so I think you can ask for someone to sweep the floor. Home and family should be one of the most beautiful things in your life, why ugly it up with shoulda’s, coulda’s and woulda’s?