Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Through the looking glass

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Today’s tale is going to be short and sweet. The past few days have been full of reflection for yours truly. For those who follow my tales, you all know that since I have entered my forties and had the stupid cut out (hysterectomy) I have found myself again. What was once lost has been found.  This week I came across another piece of my puzzle.

When I was a child, my sister and I would spend our summers and school holidays with my grandparents. You have heard my tales of my grandmother Leah. Today’s tale is that of my grandmother Alice. Tomorrow we lay my grandma Alice to rest. When I was a child she would indulge my imagination. She would let me play restaurant for hours on end, she would give me paper so I could make a menu, she would let me take over the living room and make it my restaurant. She was always the customer and I was always the waitress/manager…big surprise. She would listen to me recite my times tables over and over and over …always with yours truly exclaiming my intelligence and always agreeing that “Yes! You are so smart!”. She made me hot cocoa with colored marsh mellows. She taught me how to play crazy eights. She taught me how to use a knife and fork – like a young lady. She let me turn my cake upside down so I could save the icing for last. She always told me that “gramma loves ya”. As I was going through my photos and memories this week, I came across a picture of my sister and I having a “Beauty Shop” day at my grandma’s house. I remembered how I loved to have my hair clipped and curled and thought the portable dryer was the most amazing invention on earth. I found myself smiling, at how far I had come just to return to where I began.

Thank you Grandma, for seeing my beauty and helping me to see it too.

 

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Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Not your usual Top Ten list

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Everywhere you look, on facebook, on twitter, on Pinterest, even on the cover of the magazine’s at the express check out, everyone seems to have the newest idea or the newest “how to” for your “best hair day EVER!”. Granted, some of these idea’s are quite useful and helpful. Many, sadly are not. There are no miracle cures for split ends, there isn’t a 10 minute technique to make a brunette a platinum blonde, and sorry to burst your bubble – your hair will not grow 2 inches in 2 weeks – no matter what product you put on your scalp. Over the past weeks many customers have wandered into the shop with the same question “Do you have something that will fix this?”, as they point to their head…or hat depending on the damage done. I have seen women with hair that looked and felt like straw. I have seen women who’s hair felt like wet cotton – although their hair was dry. I have seen women with patches of singed hair. I have seen women, that their hair had so many shades of gold and orange their head looked like a paint swatch. As always, my aim is to educate and enlighten, so, being me, I have compiled a list. A “Top Ten of what not to do” list. You’re welcome.

1 – If you want to be the blonde bombshell that you have always known was inside you, do not attempt this at home. I know the box shows you that a brunette became a platinum blonde – trust me, it’s not gonna happen. Save yourself an evening locked in the bathroom and go to the Salon.

2 – Coconut oil smells terrific and has many health benefits. One thing it is not is a thermal protectant. *Unless the package states it is a thermal protectant and meant to be used with a flat iron, DO NOT use any oil on dry hair and then proceed to use your flat iron. I want you to picture a hot frying pan…what happens when you add oil to it? Exactly. See my previous post –

You should hear sizzle at the stove….not at the vanity

3 – Split ends are a result of damage – from being too aggressive with the brush while trying to rid yourself of tangles to over processing your lovely locks. The best way to keep those pesky splits at bay? Go for a trim every few weeks. Before you faint – get out your smelling salts – I am not saying get inches chopped off. Ask for a baby trim – literally millimeters trimmed off…or 1/8″ for my non metric beauties.

4 – There isn’t any product on the market that will make your hair grow inches in weeks. There are some products out there that state you will notice 1 – 2 inches of growth in 6 weeks…that is the usual amount of growth for anyone in good health.

5 – Toner is not a magic potion found in a magic bottle.

6 – Purple Shampoo/ Blue Shampoo will rid your lovely blonde or silver locks of the yellow/brassy tones that blondes/silvers pick up due to product build up, pollution and nicotine. Purple/Blue Shampoo will not make you more blonde. If you have colored your hair and you now look like the great pumpkin, no amount of shampoo will make you blonde. Time to call the Salon.

7 – Plastering your teen daughter’s head with hairspray will not stop her oily scalp. I don’t know who thought this one up. Oily scalp is common for teens, boys and girls alike. It is hormonal. Senscience Specialty Shampoo, Joico’s Daily Care Treatment Shampoo, RUSK Sensories Purify Shampoo and AG Peppermint Wash are terrific shampoo’s to help oily scalp conditions.

8 – A professional stylist would never tell you how to color your hair. Until the color is applied, there is no way of knowing how that color is going to process on your hair – something to remember the next time you are told “oh yeah…just use this and that and you’ll be fine”. …I know it happens, the stylists in my Salon are booking color corrections because of so called “professional” advice.

9 – Unless you have natural wave or curl in your hair, you need to use a curling iron or get a perm to achieve tight, bouncy curls. No amount of curl activating cream will make your poker straight hair curly. You may achieve a slight kinky wave from the product build up, but if ringlets are what you desire, you will need some mechanical (curling iron/wand) or chemical help (perm).

10 – Most conditioning treatments have done all they can do in 20 minutes. Leaving them on overnight has no added benefits.

I know I said this was a Top Ten list, I do have one more very important addition…throwing the flat iron is never a solution.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Telling Tales

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It was two years ago today, after circling my dining room table a few dozen times while looking at my home computer out of the corner of my eye, that yours truly sat down at our home computer, typed “wordpress” into my Google search engine and hit enter. I selected the link to the wordpress site. My mouse hovered over the “sign up and start publishing now” icon. I had to keep taking my shaking  hand off the mouse, I was terrified I would click and start publishing before I was ready. I was terrified to begin, what if no one reads it? What if they all think this is stupid? What if I am not a writer? What if this is all a waste of time? After what seemed like an eternity, I decided to stop listening to the shouting voice of fear in my mind and to listen to the ever present whisper of hope. I took a deep breath and began. I am so happy that I did.

As I was finishing my ‘do for the day with Joico’s Power Spray (my new FAV!), I found myself thinking of that morning two years ago, and began to say thank you to my reflection. I actually welled up a bit. Yep, there I was talking to my reflection, can of hairspray in one hand, tissue in the other. No need to call the white coats, I was having a moment. A realization of how far I have come since that morning. I like my reflection. I think I am pretty. I feel beautiful both inside and out. I am proud of myself and am confident in my abilities. Now when I have an idea or want to try something new, hope shouts and fear whispers.

If I had listened to fear that morning, I would not be a guest blogger for http://www.salonmagazine.ca , I wouldn’t be a contributing author for http://www.hairstyle-blog.com , I never would have been invited to the Contessa’s. If I had let my fear make my decision I wouldn’t have all the fabulous connections on Twitter, many who inspire me or make me laugh on a daily basis. I wouldn’t have my lovely laptop on which I tell my tales – a beautiful birthday gift from my husband and daughter, because they believed in what I was doing. I wouldn’t have had all those evenings of bursting through the back door exclaiming to my husband and daughter about the retweet or follow I received from some pretty snazzy people, or the utter excitement to share a published article with them. If I had listened to fear, I wouldn’t have been able to show my daughter that her mom was published on not one, but four websites. I wouldn’t have been able to prove to her…and myself, that hard work, taking a chance or two and faith in yourself pays off. If I had let fear control my decision I never would have found people like myself – people that celebrate each other, people that want to raise each other up and help each other out.

In celebration of my 2nd Anniversary, I have a wish. A wish that you will find your passion, that you will chase your dream, that what was once lost will be found, that your shouts of fear will be silenced and your whispers of hope become the song you sing in your mind and in your heart. More tales are on their way Beauties. Thank you for your support. Thank you for sticking around when tales were few and far between. Thank you for the love.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Sisterhood

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As I sit here in my 42nd. year in this earthly realm, I am still astonished at the treatment of women, by other women. In the past weeks I have seen women roll their eyes behind another woman’s back after telling her they “loved her new cut!” – in front of their daughter. I have heard women snicker about a woman following her dream of opening a business for herself – in front of their daughter. I have heard a woman call another woman a “ho!” because of her personal choice to leave her marriage – in front of her daughter. I have heard women bashing their teenage daughter’s choice of hair color – in front of their daughter. Ladies – just what do you think you are teaching your daughter about how to treat other women?

I have a daughter on the cusp of turning 17. I remember how difficult that age was…too old for some things, too young for others, feeling like no one “gets you”, wanting to be an individual yet still blend in enough not to be centered out, figuring out who you are and who your friends are, all the while trying to keep your hair perfect and your mascara from flaking in case “that boy” walks by and happens to say “Hey” to you for the first time. As mothers, we need to remember these things. Today, there are pressures our daughters are having to face much earlier than we did. Case and point – when I was 10 I liked the way Barbie looked –  today at age 10 girls are feeling like they are supposed to look like Barbie. What our daughter’s need is a soft place to fall at the end of the day. Our daughter’s need an example that there is good in the world and that there are people out there that won’t stab them in the back, that will actually have their back. What our daughter’s do not need is another example of gossip, or snickering or put downs  – they deal with that everyday at school and with their friends and classmates.  Being me, I have compiled a little list, a reminder of sorts.

– Do not belittle the dreams of others, if you aren’t careful you could in turn belittle your daughter’s dream.

– Gossiping in front of your daughter will teach her to gossip and teach her not to trust you. Think about it – if she hears you telling everyone’s secrets, she will think you will tell hers too.

– When your daughter wants a pixie cut – be kind. She is trying to figure out who she is…and introduce her to a good stylist and some great product, like KMS Hair Play Molding Paste – great for texture and separation.

– If your daughter has an issue with an oily scalp, do not point it out to everyone you run into. The only person who you should be talking to (with your daughter’s permission) is your stylist. * If your daughter doesn’t want to talk about it, Senscience Specialty Shampoo is a great shampoo to help control an oily scalp.

– Putting down other women in front of your daughter will teach her do to the same – sometimes just out of pure survival – so your venom doesn’t ever spew in her direction.

– When shopping with your daughter, help her to find herself and her style – not the person and the style you want, or wish you had when you were her age.

– NEVER, I mean EVER, point out your daughter’s insecurities in front of anyone. How would you like her to point out your muffin top to the PTA?

– Remind your daughter…and yourself, that this is reality…not reality T.V.. – the Kardashian’s are already keeping up with themselves.

Before you go and nominate me for Mother of the Year, let me be the first to admit that I can really put my foot in it and say the wrong thing. I am strong willed and have a hard time admitting a wrong. That being said, I have to remind myself that I am the parent. I am the adult. I know better and must do better. I admit to my daughter when I have over stepped my bounds. I do apologize for my words if they felt unkind. I explain my intentions and hope that she believes me. As parents we have no control over what our children do once they leave the house, we can only hope that we have taught them well and that they carry on those lessons once they have crossed the threshold. …oh, and throwing a flat iron is never the solution.

Beauty, communication, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Tales of Truth – Part 10

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Wow! Part 10. When I began my Tales of Truth series I thought I would run out of material. I thought I would write four, maybe five installments. I am beginning to have a sneaking suspicion that the public at large has heard of my Tales of Truth and are trying to see if I will write about them…at least, that is what I am hoping.

One evening, after my shift had ended, the phone rang and my ptg (part time girl) answered. She asked the customer to “please hold”, put the call on hold and turned to our owner/head stylist with a look of fear on her face. The call was about a brow wax, the customer on the phone wanted to book an appointment for her daughter, her daughter was a toddler. Yes, a toddler. – enough said.

Anyone who lives in North America know that this winter, Mother Nature has showed us what she is made of. We have been under the thumb of the Polar Vortex. Safe to say, we have had a lot of snow. I had a woman get mad at me about all the snow in the parking lot and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t doing anything about clearing it away. I let her know we had been shoveling a walk way to and from the door and clearing the sidewalk in front of the shop. She still had an issue with my lack of parking lot snow removal. FYI…our shop is in a strip mall that has over 250 parking spaces.

The phone rings and I answer with my standard greeting. “Are you open?” to which I answer “Yes, we are here until 6 p.m. today”. “Are you sure you are open?”. Again, I let the customer know we are open. “Okay, just checking. I will be in tomorrow”. – people, I shit you not. This actually happens.

From time to time, there are price increases on product. A fact that no one really enjoys. A customer came up to the counter and said “This used to cost $17.95. Now it is $19.95.”, to which I agreed “Yes, there has been a cost increase and a price increase on this product line.”. She scowled at me and said “I know! The price is higher!”, to which I answered “Yes it is higher. You are correct”. Then she looked at me and said “I know I’m right! I wanted to be sure you knew there was a price increase.”. ….sigh.

A woman told me I had poor customer service skills and was too abrupt. LONG story short – Poor customer service skills = I wouldn’t tell her how to color her own hair. (she had 3 colors in her hair and had used box dye in the past year). Abrupt = I explained that no matter what salon she went to or what color line she used, in 2-4 weeks she would still have regrowth and that the gray roots would return.

We offer complimentary coffee at our Salon and it smells wonderful. We have been using flavored creamers lately that make the Salon smell heavenly. (…a perk to the new flavors – yours truly gets to taste test them). I was at the front desk updating our Facebook page when I hear the familiar chirp of the shop’s door. Before I can get out my “Good Morning!”, all I hear is “What is that smell? …cough. ..cough…It smells so good! Do you sell those candles?”. To which I smile, hold up my mug and let the customer know that it is the flavored creamer in my coffee that she smells. “No it isn’t! cough…sniff…cough..You must have a candle burning in here!”. I reassure her that it really is my coffee. “No way! I don’t believe it! Give me your cup and let me smell it!”….needless to say, I didn’t finish my coffee that day.

A woman came in looking for KMS Molding Paste. I let her know that the packaging had changed but the product was the same. “How do you know?” she asked. I let her know that the line had been revamped over a  year ago and that I had the spec. sheet from KMS California on what products were discontinued and what products had been replaced and what products stayed the same. She looked at me and said “Yes, but how do you really know?”     …see link below

The Replacements

In Ontario, in February, we have a provincial holiday – Family Day. A holiday the provincial government created for a little break in the dull days of winter, and to offer an extra holiday in between New Years and Easter. Retailers and most businesses close for the day. I had posted a sign in our window letting our customers/clients know that we too would be closed for Family Day. A woman came in the shop and as she was paying for her products looked at me and said “Must be nice to make up something like “Family Day” just so you can close the store”. …thank goodness she wasn’t a mind reader.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

It’s been awhile

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First and foremost, I gotta thank you all for your patience and your support over the past weeks. It has been over 3 weeks since my newest tale, yet you all kept reading my tales from the archives and sharing my tales, and for this I must thank you. On to the tale at hand.

It’s a new year. (Yes, I realize it’s February). I am not one to make New Year’s resolutions. I tend to make up my mind and go forward, no matter the date. This year, as I was sitting in the emergency room with my hubby (no worries – not his heart – he broke his ankle on New Years Day),both of us were joking and giggling with each other. One – of the absurdity of his luck, and two – it was the first time in 2 years we were at the hospital in the early morning instead of the wee small hours of the morning and he was waiting to be fitted for an air cast, not hooked up to monitors and being poked and prodded. It was then and there I realized it’s been awhile since I gave over and was just grateful. I resolved to myself to go forward with love from now on. Decided that whatever got in my way, negative or positive, I would thank it, and give it love. When push comes to shove, we have no control of what will happen, we only have control of what we think and how we deal. I will admit, I have had a few moments of weakness, like the day I told the 5 foot snow drift to fuck off because the snow kept blowing back in my face. – hey – hubby broke his ankle the same month Mother Nature decided to show us what she was really made of. Back to the tale at hand.

The weather in my neck of the woods has been cold, snowy and not very sunny. So, I understand why some people are grumpy, but at the end of the day, we can’t control Mother Nature, we can only control our nature. I have heard, over and over about how unfair it is that dinner plans had to be changed because of bad weather. I have heard about how unfair it was to come back from a sunny vacation to a snowy mess. I have heard how unfair it is that now your hair is dry and frizzy because of the weather. All of these things are worth a pout or two, and then it’s time to move on.Think about it, these are all things you have control over. You do. Dinner plans may have been changed, remember –  dinner will still be eaten. You miss the sun & surf of your vacation, remember – you got to go on vacation.Your hair is dry and frizzy, remember – with the proper products, your dryness and frizz will be a thing of the past. Over the past weeks dear friends have endured things they have no control over. They have lost both parents, have lost their friends to illness and addiction, have lost their beloved pets, have broken their wrists (and ankles) – these are things that are deserving of more than a pout or two…your frizz…not so much.

I do believe it’s time to be thankful. It’s time to give it some love, what ever it may be. Frustrated at the wind chill factors? Be thankful you have a home – many are hoping they get to the shelter on time for a bed. Pissed off that your hat made your hair frizzy? Be thankful for the frizz, then go through your closets and donate the coats and hats you no longer wear to your local women’s shelter. Ticked at the traffic jam? Be thankful you are not in the accident that caused the traffic jam and send some love to those who were. Frustrated that you are always shoveling? Be thankful that it was a broken ankle and his heart is on the mend.

Beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Picasso and the Art of the Consultation

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Over the past weeks, many women have come into the shop in despair. Sure some of them were fretting over getting the exact shade of red polish that would go perfectly with their holiday attire. The women I am speaking of were the women that had hair styles they couldn’t style on their own or a new cut they couldn’t manage. When I asked them why they chose the style/cut, they all had the same answer, “the stylist told me it would be what was best for me.”. …alright now stylists, before you get all worked up, I know, trust me, that people can tend to over exaggerate  and that wires can be crossed during a conversation. This being said, when a proper consultation has been given, your client will walk out with an agreed upon style/cut and should have the tools and products with them as they leave the Salon, so that they can achieve the same look in between salon visits. Unfortunately, from the looks on the faces of the women I spoke to and by their hair resembling a Picasso, a proper consultation had not happened and the maintenance of their new look had not been explained.

This is a point I cannot stress enough to all educator’s, stylists, Salon managers and Salon owners – the client consultation is a VITAL part of the appointment/Salon visit. I have seen and heard the stylist’s at our Salon spend up to 30 minutes discussing their client’s hair and the look they are hoping to achieve. It’s amazing what you can find out with a simple consultation.

– you may find out that your client is taking medication, which can affect the outcome of the color process.

– you may find out that your client hates how dry her hair is because of all the perms she has had because someone told her that was the only way to get volume at the roots. While offering to add a conditioning treatment to her service this would be a great time to introduce her to a root lift like Big Sexy Root Pump Plus

-you may find out that your client has arthritis, so maybe that straight edge bob that requires a flat iron  everyday may not be the best cut for her.

– you may find out that your client is in the midst of a chemo regime and her hair is more fragile, so maybe a perm isn’t the best option, today.

– you may find out that your client is the caregiver to a loved one who is ill, so she doesn’t have much time to fuss with her hair. Introduce her to a Dry Shampoo, like Quantum’s Refresher Spray. A powder free spray that makes the hair look freshly washed for those days that become too much.

– you may find out that your client has skin sensitivities or allergies, which in turn can help you make sure to use a gentler shampoo and a styling product that has less fragrance. * A great option is KMS Head Remedy Sensitive Shampoo.

– you may find out that your client is recently separated and unsure of herself and her looks, so maybe chopping off her shoulder length hair into a pixie cut may not be her best option, today.

– you may find out that your client has a severe gluten sensitivity, so you need to be careful which products you use. *Alterna Bamboo is a gluten free line

– you may find out that your client’s kids have just gotten over a lice outbreak, a perfect time to teach her about preventive measures, for herself and the kids. * Tea Tree is a natural lice repellent – Paul Mitchell has a lovely Tea Tree line including styling products.

– you may find out that your client has been losing her hair because of illness or stress, and feels that cutting it off is her only option. What a great opportunity to educate her on hair loss and to give her hope and a style that makes her feels beautiful. * NIOXIN – a great product line to stop hair loss in it’s tracks – in my opinion, a must have product for any Salon

A consultation is a great way to find out what styling tools your client already owns, what products they currently use, if your client is capable of achieving the same look at home and the consultation is a great way to add retail to the service. With a proper consultation, you know what your client wants, your client will know what they are getting and how much effort or how little effort will need to be applied to their new style, and you, the stylist, get to feel like Picasso…you have just made someone’s world a little more beautiful.

Beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Wishes for a Happy New Year…and for years to come

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So here it is, New Years Eve 2013 and I am calm. I am hopeful. I am…content.

In past years, this day was either filled with anxiety over not having plans or having too many plans, freaking out that my dress was too tight, hating my hair or my mind was filled with shoulda’s, coulda’s and woulda’s. This year…not so much. For the first time in I don’t know how long, a New Year approaching doesn’t seem as daunting. You see, I finally got it. I finally became accountable for myself and my actions. I finally admitted my shortcomings and moments of malcontent were down to me. Yep. Me. …trust me, ask my hubby or anyone who knows me for that matter…this was not an easy thing for me to admit. I had been known in the past to blame retailers and  Mother Nature herself for my ass not fitting into my jeans…between the store not having the exact shade of grey yoga pants I so desired that would match the treadmill and well… with the cold winds and rain I couldn’t go outside for a walk. …oh come on, like you haven’t blamed the Keebler Elves for your pant size. Back to the tale at hand.

I have a glorious truth to share…once you stop blaming others for your unhappiness and malcontent, let go of your fear and take your emotions, decisions and dreams into your own hands, great things begin to happen. They do. Take a look at yours truly.(well, it is my blog, so yeah, I’m gonna talk about me once and a while.). I took a leap of faith and let go of my fears and put that energy into believing in myself and within 18 months I have the blog I dreamed of doing, a twitter following filled with people who inspire me on a daily basis (and are pretty cool), I was invited to attend the Contessa’s.  I am a contributor to http://www.salonmagazine.ca. I am a contributing author to http://www.hairstyle-blog.com and http://www.visual-makeover.com. I am a contributor to http://www.girlbodypride.com. On a daily basis at my shop, I am helping women and men to love their hair, to find the beauty that they thought they lost, or never had. I am helping Salon owners and stylists improve their customer service skills and helping them to realize that retail is a vital part of their Salon’s experience. I no longer hold back my confidence in myself, or hold back my knowledge of product or service. *the biggest perk…since I am happier, so are my loved ones.

Hence today’s New Year’s wish for you. May the coming days and the coming years bring you peace. May serenity find its way to your door and into your hearts. May you find the courage to attempt what ever it is you want to do – from opening up your own Salon to finally being able to quit smoking. May you find the confidence to ask for that raise or to tell that special someone that you love them, or to be able to let your loved one know that they need help and that you will have their back. May you begin to find the beauty that is in your life, right now.

Wishing you a Happy New Year

With Love and Gratitude,

That girl in the red coat

Beauty, communication, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, writing

A Christmas Wish from That girl in the red coat

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Hello Beauties!

A quick tale today. It’s the morning of Christmas Eve on my side of the world and I wanted to take a moment to thank you all for your support of my tales. My new tales will be on hold for a few days as I take some time to spend with my loved ones, friends and family alike. Wishing you all happiness and health, serenity and peace, today and always.

– That girl in the red coat. xo

Beauty, communication, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Christmas Presence

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As I sit here, snow is falling, Christmas carols are playing on the radio, lights are twinkling on the tree and my loved ones are safe and snuggled under warm blankets watching a movie. I am relishing the peace for it is the middle of December, which for any of us in the service industry/retail sector, we know is the beginning of the craziest, busiest time of the year. I have been working the Holiday/Christmas season for over 20 years, and have seen it all, from mothers beginning to cry because the antlers that their child needed for the Christmas pageant broke and are now out of stock to husbands panicking that the KMS gift pack their wife wanted is no longer available and he can’t go home without it. I have seen grown women lose it over the fact the newest red holiday shade of polish is sold out and have had a grown man throw a flat iron at me because I wouldn’t return it for him because he didn’t have a receipt, or the box for that matter. One commonality I have always found – too many people are concerned about their Christmas presents instead of their Christmas presence.

Last year I wrote of the pressure women (and gents…mostly the ladies) put on themselves over the holidays (see link below)

https://thatgirlintheredcoat.com/2012/12/03/its-time-to-paint-your-own-picture/ .

I told a tale of letting go and easing up on yourself and your loved ones. This year, my tale will be one of presence. Too many of us are not present, in our own lives, in the lives of our loved ones, in our conversations, hell, even in our driving. We are getting so caught up in the idea of the perfect gift and the perfect dinner that we aren’t even able to keep up with who got who what gift and cannot even remember what that perfect dinner tasted like. Being me, I have compiled a little list, a how to for the holidays if you will.

– When you are out shopping with your child and they stop at the big tree in the mall exclaiming “WOW!!! It’s so pretty!” instead of yanking their little arm and scowling “yeah, yeah…lets go!” stand with them for a minute and agree with them. Take the few seconds, take a breath and make a memory.

– We all have those friends/family members that need a Santa picture. Here’s the deal, if your child doesn’t want to sit on Santa’s lap, don’t make them. Stand beside Santa holding your child, or forgo the picture all together. Your loved ones will survive a Christmas without a Santa photo. I know mine have. *Think about it…all year we scold “don’t talk to strangers” then force our kids to talk to  a stranger AND sit on his lap…no wonder there are so many tears.

– When you are shopping and a sales person asks if you need a hand, let us help you.  Let yourself be helped, it will ease the stress that you can’t find what you are looking for, and if by chance it is out of stock, we can let you know when the product is arriving and can call you when it arrives. …oh, for me, please do not say “already got two!” when we ask if you need a hand – trust me, we have heard it.

– Be kind to the cashier. She has been standing there for hours, has 5 more hours left of her shift and only gets a 30 minute break during an 8 hour shift, having to deal with people yelling at her for things she has no control over, like the debit being down, or a product being out of stock, or being yelled  at by a manager because she said “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays”. – the latter happened to yours truly…I kept saying Merry Christmas.

– If your family doesn’t like turkey, you do not have to have it for Christmas dinner. It’s okay. The ghost of Christmas past, present and future will not haunt you. Make a meal that everyone enjoys, that you enjoy making. Trust me, I know of what I speak. I tried to do the “Christmas dinner with all the trimmings” and the whole day with every dish I prepared all I thought was who wasn’t going to like what and that I was disappointing Martha Stewart. This year I am making quesadilla’s. They are always a hit, everyone loves them and I spend less time in the kitchen and more time in the living room with my family.

– When you are getting your groceries, give to your local food bank. Many grocery store already have prepacked bags of food ready to give. Most packs cost $4.99 (the cost of your two morning coffees on your way to work)  and can give a family more than one meal. It’s a win/win, a mother will be able to make a meal for her child, and your child got to see their mother help her.

– Always give to the Salvation Army. The Salvation Army does more than you can imagine.

– Try not to complain so much about having to go to your Mother’s/Father’s house…again. Many have lost a parent, or both parents and wish that they had to sit through another conversation about how “easy we have it these days”.

This season, take it easy on yourself. Take it easy on your loved ones, for it is not their fault you are stressed that what you wanted to buy them is no longer available. Take a breath. Take a friend a coffee. Give to your local food bank. Make your hubby his favorite treat. Teach your child how to make cookies. Send a Christmas card or a text out of the blue. Smile as you pass people on the street or in the grocery aisle. Your Christmas presence will mean more to many than your Christmas presents will mean to one.