health and wellness, lifestyle, Menopause, That girl in the red coat, Women

Taking a pause? *Update*

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Disclaimer * I am not a medical doctor, nor an expert. I’m a woman sharing her story in hopes of helping myself and others. Always educate yourself and speak with your doctor or medical professional

I have an update y’all! It’s been 12 days since my post about the lovely and oh so exciting symptoms of menopause. Since we last met, I have had my follow up with my Doctor, and let me say, this appointment went much better than the first. As I’ve told you, my initial appointment left me feeling unheard, unseen and, well, stupid. I felt a little gaslit to be honest. I asked for, then fought for my bloodwork. I headed over to the lab the minute I left her office, with my bloodwork requisition in hand, along with a mental health questionnaire sponsored by Pfizer (I shit you not, their logo was on the page), that my Doctor wanted me to fill out since I had told her I felt overwhelmed and my get up and go seemed to have gotten up and went. Let me tell you, waiting for my follow up appointment messed me up. How could I not be anxious about my follow up when my initial appointment went so well, and when I saw my estrogen levels weren’t on the bloodwork results. I’m telling you, thank goodness I’ve been healing and dealing this year, because a few years ago, I may have given up on all of this entirely.

So I arrive for my follow up, my little Pfizer packet in hand. I get in the office, hand over my filled out questionnaire to my doctor and take my seat. Being me, I had to speak first. I told her that I had completed the forms as requested and felt a little unheard in my last appointment and didn’t think I was depressed. To my delight and surprise she agreed, (did she read my blog?), and told me that she wanted me to fill out the forms for her own sake, that she knew I wasn’t depressed. She wanted my perspective from outside of the office. She brought up the fact my estrogen levels weren’t taken before I could ask about it. Her opinion was that of, I am 52, I had a hysterectomy (partial) 15 years ago, and from all the other bloodwork, all the results and my described symptoms, hormones were the culprit. She asked me what course of action I wanted to take, as we had discussed them last time. I told her I thought estrogen was my answer, that I wasn’t comfortable with NSRI’s. I know they can help women with the symptoms of menopause such as night sweats, brain fog, etc… . My concern is that is putting a band aid on a gaping wound. What I mean by that is, getting rid of the symptoms may help me sleep better and be more aware during the day, but what about my brain health? My bone health? My cardio health? (I know, I know, I smoke. I have cut down and am actually exercising again… yippee). As women, we need estrogen in our bodies and not just for procreation, thank you patriarchy. Estrogen is a key component in our endocrine system, so, it’s kind of important. FYI – one of the over 80 symptoms of menopause is elevated cholesterol. I left the office feeling heard, feeling seen and my low dose estrogen prescription in hand. We have a 6 week follow up booked to see how I’m feeling and a 6 month full work up booked as well.

I understand HRT (hormone replacement therapy) is scary for most of us to even think about. Mostly because of misinformation and skewed findings in the 1980’s/1990’s – look it up. HRT is not the same for every woman, nor is it for every woman, depending on your history, if you’ve had a hysterectomy or partial as I have had. I do have family history of ovarian and breast cancer, low risk, but still a risk, hence the follow ups with my Doctor. Fast forward to today. I’ve been taking my estrogen for 10 days, I’m sleeping better, I feel more aware and my shoulder pain that was at 90% for over 2 years is at maybe 10% to nonexistent. * Another fun fact – frozen shoulder can be a symptom of menopause. Yes. It’s early days, and maybe it’s all in my head – but isn’t everything? I honestly don’t think it’s in my head, typing that I realized that’s just programming, that as women we are trained to doubt ourselves. Well fuck that shit.

Here’s the deal. Be your own advocate. Listen to yourself. If you feel something is off, it usually is. This is the first time in, well forever, that menopause is being spoken of and actually beginning to get the attention it needs and is deserving of. It is nothing to embarrassed or ashamed of. It’s a natural progression of life, what is not natural is to have to suffer or to have ill health as we age.

Since I began blogging over 12 years ago, I have always professed kindness. To be kind to others, when and if you can. That when you know better, you do better. Well Beauties, today I’m reminding you that being kind to yourself is just as important, hell, it’s of the upmost importance. Taking care of your medical, spiritual, mental and physical health is the kindest thing you can do.

Business, communication, health and wellness, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Keeping it real?

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I am fortunate to know many extraordinary women. Single and thriving. Married with children. Single Mom’s. Working Mom’s and stay at home Mom’s…who are working by the way. Some are entrepreneurs, some are beginning a new business venture, some are on the cusp of deciding a side hustle. The one thing they all seem to have in common? They all feel like they could or should be doing more. That they are failing in some way because they see how much others have achieved and they have not. I myself have been, and from to time, still am, guilty of the same thoughts.

A few months ago, while talking with a friend who, in my opinion, is rocking it, was quite down on herself. She couldn’t understand why she wasn’t where she thought she should be. You see, she has a mentor, has been being coached, is following a plan, things just haven’t come to fruition. I reminded her that she has her own business, in her name. That she is a wonderful Mother to adult children who still want to see her and value her opinion. She survived and thrived after a divorce that came out of left field. She still felt like she was failing in some way, because so many others that had taken the steps she had, mentor and coaching, were in a better place financially. Going on trips, renovating houses, etc… . Then I posed and important question. “Are these other women a single income household or do they have other financial means like a spouse, an inheritance or spousal support?” Safe to say the lightbulb turned on.

To be clear, I am not bashing anyone here, so lets take a breath. Another. If you have financial help, good for you! If your partner makes $150000.00 a year, fabulous! What I am saying is this, if you’re coaching/mentoring people to “keep it real”, so should you. I do not begrudge anyone any of their success. Hell, when I see someone succeed, I find myself thinking “Maybe I can too.”. What I do have a problem with is those who are not crystal clear on how they achieved said success. I have personally listened to “mentors” who I knew were married to a high earner, talk about how they became financially independent with hard work and perseverance, without adding that their spouse covered all bills and living expenses for a year. In the spirit of keeping it real, of course your business thrived, you were able to completely focus on it, knowing that there was other financial means to keep your house and food on the table. If you rode the coattails of someone to achieve your success, don’t you think the person wearing the coat should at least be mentioned?

I can hear the opinions and thoughts about what I just said. Again, I am not bashing or begrudging anyone here. I’m just a girl, sitting at her laptop, hoping to turn on some more lightbulbs. Hoping to give perspective to a woman who feels like she’s failing that she is not, or to help a mentor/coach to take a step back and take a hard look at their methods.

Mentor’s, coaches and consultants are needed. I was a Salon retail consultant. One thing to always remember, they are also selling their idea’s, which is great. We all need to self promote, be it for financial means or just to build up our self esteem in front of the mirror preparing for a difficult conversation with your boss, spouse, parent, whomever. ( I do recommend The High 5 Habit created by Mel Robbins… it feels corny at first, but it really does help hype you up.). Here’s the deal, be aware of what you are selling. If your desire is to help women be independent, financial and otherwise, you gotta be crystal clear. If you want them to “keep it real”, you gotta keep it real too. As women, we been misled, out right lied to most of our lives. We’ve been told we’re too much or too little. Too loud or too soft spoken. Not given all the facts because of the bullshit line “need to know basis”. We need to know all the facts and deserve all the facts, so we can make an educated decision and have a firm foundation to set out goals upon.

You are not behind because another is ahead. That’s just a corporate bullshit ideology. Give yourself some grace and remember you are exactly where you are supposed to be. I do not have any science or math to back up this statement, I just know from my experiences, more often than not, we are exactly where we are supposed to be. When it’s time to be somewhere else, the paths will reveal themselves. It’s up to us if we take them or not. Wouldn’t it be reassuring to know if you stumble on the path, to take it easy on yourself because you didn’t have someone there to catch you, you caught yourself.

Beauty, health and wellness, lifestyle, parenting, That girl in the red coat, Uncategorized, Women

Enough already

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Here we are, the final month of 2023. The holiday season is ramping up. Holiday parties, secret Santa’s, office parties, primary school’s “dress as your favorite decoration” day…ugh, don’t miss those days. Everyone rushing around, stressing over the “perfect gift” as they are also stressing over how to pay for the groceries this week. …don’t even get me started on the price of EVERYTHING these days. Watching and listening to people, those I hold dear and those I see on Facebook and Instagram worrying if it’s enough, if they’ll have enough, if they are enough.

This past year, hell, these past three years (thank you Covid), have kicked my ass…and can kiss my ass for that matter. I know I’m known for my positive spins and am a believer of looking on the bright side of life. Always trying to find the good in any situation. That gratitude will help you reach your destination. I’ve also come to realize that a good ol’ dose of “Fuck this Shit!” has it’s medicinal purpose. I find it quite healing actually, quite good for my mental and emotional health. A visit to Fuck this Shit Ville. It’s a place I go to when it’s all too much. I recommend little visits to this destination, I do not recommend setting up camp there. I’ve done both, the latter is not a welcoming neighborhood. (Hence my last blog entry being in February…oops).

Many a thing has happened to yours truly this year. Some good, some great and some, well, imagine a kick to the crotch. Those tales will be for another time. The purpose for today’s post is this, to remind myself and you, my beloved readers, that I am and you are enough. We are. No matter what your boss says, your mother in law (mine’s lovely thank god) says, Facebook and Instagram says, you are enough. Your enough will never be the same as mine or anyone else’s on any given day. Give yourself some grace. The world is upside down, it seems more than it’s ever been. It seems everything is increasing except for plain old compassion and kindness. * As for bosses making you feel like you aren’t enough, or doing enough, more often than not, it’s because they themselves are not doing enough, and shit rolls down hill. Just sayin’.

We all feel like we have Mount Everest in front of us. Something my daughter reminded me of, if you’re climbing Everest everyday, there’s a problem. No one can do that. So today, I’m here to give you, and myself, permission to have our own definition of enough. Being me, as you know, a lover of lists, if you did any of the following, or didn’t, it’s enough.

  • you got out of bed
  • you fed yourself
  • you fed your child
  • you went to work not knowing how you’d make it through your shift
  • you made that call you didn’t want to make
  • you told someone how you are feeling
  • you took care of an aging parent even though it scares you to do so
  • you washed the dishes
  • you did the laundry
  • you watched your favorite show
  • you listened to your favorite podcast
  • you listened to your favorite song on repeat to soothe your soul
  • you opened the mail
  • you figured out how to pay the water bill and get groceries
  • you kept your hope for a better day ahead

I know I haven’t even scratched the surface on how long this list could be. Hopefully it resonated with you or gave you an idea of your own “enough” accomplishment today. I don’t know if it’s the state of the world, menopause, getting to the age of 51 and having no tolerance for bullshit and inauthenticity, or seeing and hearing so many of those that I hold dear beating themselves up about being “enough”. I just gotta give my opinion about this. As I type this, I hear those who know me well saying “ummm….You’ve always stated your opinion Sara”. True enough.

health and wellness, lifestyle, That girl in the red coat, Women, writing

Eat the frog

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“If the first thing you do in the morning is eat a live frog, you can go through the rest of your day knowing the worst is behind you” – Mark Twain

I learned of this quote, and to be honest, my new morning mantra, courtesy of Glennon Doyle and her fabulous podcast, We Can Do Hard Things. The latest episode was about life hacks & strategies to suffer less. You gotta listen to that episode. Well, frankly, all the episodes. It’ll change your life.

What I found the most mind blowing about this quote/mentality – take your pick, is that I’ve been eating a frog almost every day my entire life. Ask my family. Seriously, the running joke in our household is “…so, what are you going to do with the other 22 hours of your day Sara?”. You see, I loathe most household chores. Loathe with a passion. I’ve been known to wash dishes, or floors and 7 a.m.. Why? I wanted it over and done with. I didn’t want to have it hanging over my head and ruining my day. There’s nothing worse (well, there is, but just go with me on this one) than having a great day out and waltzing into the kitchen to see dishes waiting to be washed. Ugh. Get the chores out of the way. Eat the frog.

This goes for everything in life, it really does. The proposal your boss is waiting on. That phone call you have to make. Taking a real hard look at your finances. Talking to your spouse about your marriage – well, that one may not be the best to get out of the way first thing in the morning. Been there, done that. Doesn’t end well.

Before you think I have my shit together, far from it. The flip side of this mind blowing realization, is, in some areas of my life, I’m not even eating a tadpole. As many of you know, I am now in my 50th year in this earthly realm. Being 50 comes with many perks. Knowledge, self worth, a kick ass bullshit radar, experience in work and life. It also comes with the perk of twisting your knee while you are sleeping. Yep. Just rolling over can put you out of commission for 3 days and wearing a brace for 5 weeks. I had been saying I wanted time off work, I have now learned I have to be much more clear and concise with the intentions I put out into the universe. I had also been saying to anyone who would stand still that I need to start working out. I downloaded and joined a fitness app, in 2021. It’s a sweet app. It reminds me weekly that it hasn’t seen me or recorded any activity, always with a little note adding “How about trying a 5 minute stretch routine?”. So sweet. I’d like to think the only reason I haven’t eaten this “frog” is because it’s really Kermit sitting with his banjo singing The Rainbow Connection and who wants to disrupt that? Truth is, I know better, I’m not doing better. That’s gotta change. It’s gotta.

So, here I am, putting it out there, that I’m going to start exercising. Everyday? Who knows? I’m giving myself a hell of a lot of grace on this one. In the past I tried to devour a month’s worth of frogs, getting every workout imaginable fit into everyday, the perfect work out apparel, only to give up, because I was exhausted by it all, emotionally, physically and mentally. No more. One, because that’s stupid and two, I’m 50 with a trick knee.

Here’s the deal. Whatever it is, that is weighing you down, or you want to get it over with, get it done as soon as possible in your day, so you can enjoy your day, be it with your friends, your family, by yourself. Eat the frog my friends, eat the frog.

Beauty, health and wellness, lifestyle, Sunday Confessions, That girl in the red coat, Women, writing

Sunday Confessions

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I don’t know about you, but for yours truly, the past 3 years have kicked my ass. Emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. These are the main perpetrators of my year hiatus from the blog. I literally couldn’t write anything. I would just look at my laptop, my closed laptop, and feel nothing. Oh, I had feelings, emotions, opinions up the wazoo, yet, when it came to actually sitting down and writing…nada. Until this week. The powers that be, the universe, Jesus, the Smurfs, whomever you choose, helped to light the fire in me once again. So as I sat down at my desk, plugged in my laptop, dusted it off, the universe and it’s infinite humor, reminded me to have patience and ask for help.

I don’t know if you know this, but when you don’t turn on a laptop for over a year, a 12 year old laptop, it um, doesn’t like it. So, there I was, starting, restarting, googling on my phone whatever I thought I should google, from laptop stuck in update loop, to laptop not loading new chrome, to 12 year old laptop not loading, to which my screen went black with the little arrow swirling around. Yes, I do believe my laptop and google were mocking me. Thankfully, the hubby is handsome and handy, and I begrudgingly limped up the stairs (twisted my knee in my sleep, welcome to 50, another tale for another time) and said “Honey, can you help me?”. …and since I’m writing, you know how the story ends. After asking for help, allowing myself to receive said help, and 1.5 hours later, without a tantrum from yours truly, my laptop loaded up and here I am.

I really didn’t have a plan for today’s tale. Looks like the universe gave me one. Those who know me, know all too well I can be hyper independent, some may say stubborn. I am not great at asking for help, and as for patience? Whew. It took 47 years and a goddamn pandemic to teach me that one. That being said, I gotta say, I’m proud of myself today. I asked for help, I took deep breaths and had patience. I didn’t take the laptop fiasco of 2023 personally. I took accountability of said fiasco, because it was me and me alone that did not open my laptop. Did I yell? Nope. Did I get mad at my husband? Nope. Did my palms sweat? Yep. Did my stomach hurt? Hell yeah. Did I get through it? You bet your ass I did. There was a time, I would have blamed Bill Gates himself for my technical issues. I would have either thrown my laptop in the trash and furiously ordered a new one or thrown it out and repeated over and over “See!?! Proof you shouldn’t blog again!” until I forced myself to believe it. Thankfully those days are gone. Gone but not forgotten.

That’s the thing about old habits, they try to rear their heads every once in a while. Right when you think you have your shit together, and you “got this!”, BAM! Your stomach starts to hurt, you feel a little sick and you feel yourself going back to your old ways, because they are what you know, as uncomfortable as they are, you feel comfort from the familiarity. It’s so screwed up, I know.

I’m not an expert, nor a guru on the mount. I’m here to tell you, we are all works in progress. If you’re reading this, you’re alive and you’re here, you made it another day. We have successfully made it through another day. We all have our own shit to deal with, let alone the shit of others. We are all flawed and we are all fabulous. It’s time to give yourself some grace. Take some deep breaths, and some more. Dance around your kitchen like a fool. Get outside, even for 5 minutes. .. and before you throw out a laptop, ask for help.

health and wellness, lifestyle, That girl in the red coat, Women, writing

Holidaze

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Here we are, it’s the first day of December. December has officially arrived. The holiday season is in full swing. Hanukkah has begun, the menorah has been lit. Every radio station playing Christmas carols, some playing them 24/7. Twinkle lights twinkle at every turn. An Elf on every shelf… thank god I missed this “tradition”. Advent calendars starting their Christmas Eve countdown. Christmas trees popping up on every social media feed, along with the ever present and ever so popular question “So… got all your Christmas shopping done?” or my all time favorite “Don’t you just love Christmas?!?!”. What never ceases to amaze me is those who declare their love of Christmas and the holidays are the same people that have a panic attack wondering if their Mother in Law will complain about the Turkey or their Mother will once again voice her concern over their daughter wearing black eyeliner.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve watched and listened to many I hold dear. I’ve seen the fear in their eyes, the panic in their voice, all over the holidays, over getting all the gifts just right and the opinions and reactions of their families. When I’m asked about my plans, I usually just get a blank stare followed with “I wish I could do that.”. What are my plans you ask? A quiet night with my parents, my hubby and daughter on Christmas Eve. A quiet lunch with my Mother in Law on Christmas Day. Am I done my shopping? I don’t know. Yup, you read that correctly, I don’t know. I always buy my Mother in Law some of her favorite creams, candles etc…, they make her happy. I buy for my daughter, because I enjoy surprising her. That’s about it. My husband and I don’t exchange gifts, on Christmas. We surprise each other during the year, some years more than others. I’ll put together little things I’ve found throughout the year to brighten a friend’s day.

Before you stop reading, or shout out your screen “Easy for you! You don’t have a huge family!” or “Easy to say when you don’t have 6 kids!” or “Everyone in your family is healthy!”, you are all correct. It is easy for me, it wasn’t always. I used to knock myself out trying to create the picture perfect holiday season. Yes, the season, not just a day or two, the whole goddamn month. I Martha Stewarted and Norman Rockwelled the shit out of the holidays. I’m tired just thinking about it. I was trying so hard to achieve the holiday I thought I should be having, not the holiday I wanted to have. Being as stubborn as I once was, and still am, in 2009, the powers that be, the Universe, God, the Smurfs, your choice, decided it was time for me to slow down and ease up, so my body grew a fibroid, a big one,(no cancer) and the surgery date was slotted for December 4th. You can’t deck the halls when you have a 10 inch scar across your stomach. So there I was, forced to slow down and guess what? The ground didn’t open up and swallow me whole. Who knew a hysterectomy for Christmas would be one of the best gifts I’ve ever received.

The point to my holiday/medical rambling you ask? Let’s go to Oxford Dictionary for a moment. Holiday – noun; a day of festivity or recreation when no work is done. … see, the dictionary gets it, it’s time we do too.

We cannot control everything, trust me, I’ve tried. We can’t. We can’t control how Aunt Ida keeps giving you a hand knit sweater 3 sizes too big and demands you model it even though she’s reminded every year of your size and that you are allergic to wool. We can’t control how Mothers and Mother in Laws are “fine” with alternating Christmas dinners. We can’t control the opinion that our kids eat too much junk by the very people who fill a stocking full of chocolate and treats and give them to said children. Sorry Virginia, in the case of controlling your family, friends and all aspects of your holiday experience, there is no Santa Claus. We can, however, control ourselves, our reactions, our personal traditions. I don’t see all my family on Christmas Day anymore. I deliver cookies before Christmas and have a visit. We see my parents on Christmas Eve. Sometimes we share a meal, sometimes hor d’oeuvres. Sometimes we exchange gifts, sometimes we exchange memories and good conversation. We still have to travel on Christmas Day to see family, but now we decide the time. Too many snow squalled drive homes in the dark changed that. We now go for lunch. We see our family, we eat a meal together, watch my Mother in Law and daughter open gifts, have a nice visit and are home by 4 p.m.. Meeting halfway is better than not meeting at all.

Christmas presence, be it for the day or for an hour, is better than any Christmas presents you can buy.

health and wellness, lifestyle, That girl in the red coat, Women, writing

Tell it like it is

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Yes, it’s been a while. 7 months have passed since I last sat down to write. My last post was in February, so it’s really been 9 months since my last post. I had written a few posts, but never posted them. Not out of worry or fear of judgement, I hung that hat up long ago. I didn’t post them because they weren’t genuine. I wasn’t speaking my truth. So, I took a break. Closed up my laptop and didn’t open it up again until an hour ago. After fighting with my internet connection telling me the password was incorrect and getting my millennial daughter to assure me I wasn’t a dinosaur, and that in fact my husband had changed the password, without writing it down, or giving a heads up, here I am, writing once again.

I began this blog over 12 years ago, when I was in the Beauty industry, with the hopes of helping anyone who hated their hair, to love it. Soon the blog morphed into all things, from self care, to speaking your truth, to the magic of kindness. When I left the Beauty industry, I kept writing about hair and beauty products, but the thrill was gone. I noticed and was being told by many that my blogs about truth, kindness, real life and my Sunday Confessions were the most popular and the posts most were waiting for. So, I started to focus on those, which were well received by everyone, but me. I felt I was living a lie. Giving advice and perspective that I wasn’t taking. Between 2016 -2019, my personal life was a shit show. Plain and simple. I will not go into all the details, for not all the stories are mine to tell, and loved ones deserve their privacy until I am told otherwise. So there I was, trying to be all for everyone, trying to keep the momentum of my blog and consulting business going while working full time, all the while, not being genuine. Speaking my half truth if you will. I was exhausted. All these “mentors” I know personally or through a mutual acquaintance, showing their thriving lives and businesses, having their talks about manifesting the right way, getting their “side hustle” on, were making me feel like a failure. Yes, I know only I control how I feel or how I receive something, just get on this train with me for a moment. I was doing all the things. I was journaling, I was networking, I made a vision board, you name it, I did it. ….but it never felt quite right. I was worried I was depressed, or menopause was taking over my life. (I had a partial hysterectomy 12 years ago, so my early warning system is gone.). Then one day, I realized why it never felt quite right. I wasn’t telling it like it is. In fact, many were not.

What I’m about to say may, and probably will piss some people off. If you choose to be an influencer, a mentor or a life coach, could you please stop with the “dream it and be it” bullshit. Please, just stop. Listen, I’m all about positivity, ask anyone who knows me. I will find the diamond in a mountain of coal. I will give myself a headache trying to find something good in a bad situation okay? But this positivity with no process, is depressing and makes your clients feel like a failure. Also, unless you have had to build yourself or your business without any financial help from a spouse, maybe ease up on the “I did it! You can too!”. Seriously, so many women I know, who are single mothers by the way, give up because they are comparing themselves to someone who isn’t 100% real. Anyone can build a business or a brand when they have a spouse at home who can cover the mortgage, or pick up the kids from soccer practice. It’s easy to do anything if you have a soft place to fall and someone else to pay the bills. I personally know people who put out the perfect life on social media and they can’t pay their bills and don’t talk to their husband. It’s time to start telling it like it is.

If you are searching for truth, real truth, start reading and following Mel Robbins and Glennon Doyle. I adore Mel Robbins and Glennon Doyle, these fierce women tell it like it is. They do not sugar coat their lives, they talk about their achievements and their down falls. They own their confidence and their anxiety. They are real. Real is what this world needs. Real is what I need, and I believe what you need too. As all Mothers know, having a baby is wonderful and beautiful and cute but there is also a lot of shit that comes with it, literally and figuratively.

For those who are struggling, feeling like a bad mother, a bad friend, a failure at your side hustle, take a breath. Again. You are okay. You are doing the best you can today. Tomorrow will be better, if not tomorrow, the next day. Look within for your answers, they are there. You may not like them, but they are there and they have lessons for you to learn. Stop comparing yourself to others, most only show the highlight reel.

I’m just a girl, sitting in front of a computer screen, trying to tell it like it is.

Beauty, health and wellness, lifestyle, That girl in the red coat, writing

Tales of Truth – The Covid Diaries

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First things first. To all the health care workers, I don’t know how you’ve done this for over a year now. I’m in awe of you all. Thank you is not a strong enough sentiment.

In my part of the world, we have been in lockdown since Boxing day 2020. A stay at home order was imposed early January and fingers crossed it is supposed to be lifted February 10th. Although I work retail, our store sells shoes and safety footwear to essential/front line workers, so yours truly has been working the entire time. We are open by appointment only for front line/essential workers and for any other customer, we are offering curbside pick up. Yep, selling shoes curbside, in Canada, in the winter. Yep, it’s different to say the least. I try not to complain, for I am still working, shortened hours, but working none the less. My boss treats us to coffee, takes over any irrational customers, in person or on the phone, we can take as many breaks as we need, I am fortunate and I know it. That being said, it’s been, interesting. At the end of my 6 hour shift I feel as if I’ve come off a 12 hour shift. Physically I’m fine, mentally, I’ve hit a wall. Curbside sales are now handled via text, email, phone call or facetime. At any given time I have 3 phones on me… I feel like a cross between a stock broker and drug dealer.

The majority of customers have been great. Patient, kind and grateful for the service we are providing. Unfortunately, of course, being retail, there have been some customers that make Karen seem like Mary Poppins. Being me, I’m gonna let you have a glimpse behind the curtain and share some of the experiences of my co-workers and myself. I can’t make this shit up.

  • at least once a day we receive a call from someone wanting to come in the store. We ask them if they are working and when they say no, we explain we offer curbside and that instore shopping is by appointment only and for essential/frontline workers. Then they proceed to ask us to lie for them. Yep. They actually say “Can’t you just say I’m essential, I really want new running shoes and I always try on at least 10 pairs to find the perfect one.”.
  • We’ve had people come in for a scheduled appointment turn around and tell us they are retired, that they aren’t working. *Cue manager intervention and direction to curbside service.
  • We’ve been yelled at and the f-shot shouted at us over the phone because the customer thinks the “lockdown/stay at home order is bullshit!”. …sigh
  • We have to tell customers to put their mask on when we deliver their shoes curbside.
  • I’ve been told I don’t know what I’m talking about when I explain the lockdown/stay at home restrictions and regulations
  • Many products are on back order, because of Covid. At least three times a day, myself or one of my co-workers is yelled at because of it. My favorite retort is “That’s what you said when I called on Sunday!” …we are closed Sundays.
  • When we take the purchases out to the cars, it’s so much fun when the customers exclaim “Sure is cold eh? You gotta be freezing!” and continue to chat as they are in the warm car. Sometimes I inch forward in hopes of catching some heat from their vents.

As I said earlier, most of the customers have been great. Grateful for their new footwear so they can go to work and get the job done. Jumping out of their cars, mask on to get the boxes from us so we don’t have to be outside longer than needed. Tipping us for our service. Asking us how we are doing. I had a gentleman ask if he could go get me a coffee. Elderly customers telling me I brightened their day, staying on the phone with them for 30 minutes helping them replace their slippers.

I can’t believe it’s been a year that I’ve been writing about Covid retail. A year. Although it’s been tough, and dealing with the public hasn’t been the thrill ride of my life, I do have to say, every day, at least one person, a perfect stranger shines a ray of hope into my day. Genuine kindness expressed. Genuine concern and compassion has been shown. Yes, we need a vaccine. Yes, we need to wear a mask. Yes, we need to sanitize/wash our hands, and yes, especially now, a year into this pandemic, kindness can be a cure too. Kindness may not cure a virus, but it can cure a beaten down spirit. It can bring warmth to your heart and a smile to your face. One of my favorite quotes goes a little something like this, “Your kindness may be the only glimpse of god someone see’s today.”. A simple act of kindness can give someone the energy to keep going, give them hope of better days to come. Be kind, plain and simple.

Beauty, communication, health and wellness, lifestyle, parenting, Sunday Confessions, That girl in the red coat, Women

Sunday Confessions

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I have a confession to make. A confession of non guilt. I no longer feel guilty about putting myself first. Yes, you read that correctly. I am a woman, a wife, a mother and a daughter who no longer feels guilty about putting myself first and making my mental, emotional and physical health a priority. Before those who know me well call me out about “health”, yes, I still smoke, I’m working on it. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Last night I had the gift of free time. No dinner to make – thank you left overs. An early out of my shift – thank you Covid. My daughter busy mastering her craft. My hubby driving out of town for his weekly check in on his Momma. As I sat down to Netflix and VegOut, I found myself thinking about caretakers. How as women, we are designated this position without any consultation. We are told that’s how we are wired, that it’s in our DNA. That it’s selfish to want, it’s selfish to fill our plate first. That a good wife puts her man first. That a good mother makes sure the needs of her children come before her own. I call bullshit.

I’m here to tell you, from personal and agonizing experience, putting others first and yourself last helps no one, least of all yourself. Sooner or later resentment sets in and BAM! Unnecessary arguments with your spouse, temper tantrum competitions with your children, tears and hurt feelings to all and from all who surround you. All you’ll be left with is puffy eyes, a headache, a sore stomach, feeling like you’re the worst person in the world and your loved ones walking on eggshells in fear of waking the beast and you all wondering “What the hell was that?”. You know what it was, because you know you didn’t make yourself a priority. Your loved ones have no clue, because they don’t know that to put them first you chose to put yourself last. Yep. I said it. You chose to put yourself last. Hey, I did it for 3 1/2 decades, no judgment. I’m here to tell you, don’t waste anymore time and emotional turmoil. I’m here to tell you it’s okay to put yourself first. The world will not open up and swallow you whole. Those who love you will not leave you. Mouths will still be fed and beds will be made.

Now before you declare to your family that they are “on your own bitches!” that is not the moral of this post. Take a breath. Again. Better? Okay. Those familiar with my blog know all to well how I adore lists. So being me, I’ve compiled some guilt free self care, put yourself first tips. PYFT’s if you will.

  • before you get out of bed, make yourself think of one thing you are grateful for. Just one. Let yourself begin your day with a grateful heart.
  • once the coffee is brewed or the tea is steeped, pour yourself the first cup every so often.
  • eat the last donut
  • have your shower first
  • light a candle or turn on your Scentsy warmer as you’re packing lunches. Surround yourself with your favorite scent, even if just for 5 minutes
  • put on your favorite tunes, past and present while washing the ever present dishes. For full effect – put your ear buds in and shake your booty.
  • get outside. Even it’s for 5 minutes. Every morning I make myself go outside and just stand in my backyard. Sometimes I take pictures with my phone. Sometimes I just stand there. I feel better and it gives my neighbours a hobby.
  • watch your favorite shows or movies. I don’t care if you’ve already watched it twice in a month. If it makes you happy, watch it.
  • start reading. Asks your friends if they want to do a book swap. Educate yourself. Enlighten yourself. Escape your reality for a moment. Even a page a day makes a difference. It does.
  • start using your fancy creams and soaps.
  • treat yourself to professional shampoo, conditioner and treatment. Trust me on this one. A good hair day goes a long way. If your hubby can spend $30 on his “phone game” and your kids can make you remortgage your house for Minecraft, you can have great hair.
  • create a vision board. Physically or virtually – gotta love Pinterest. Make yourself something that when you look at it, you feel joy.
  • make a Jello. When you open the fridge, you’ll see something you did, something you accomplished. My gramma Leah knew what’s what. … or a cake, or cookies or whatever your favorite treat is.

It’s time to become your own caretaker. No guilt. No shame. Putting yourself first and practicing self care makes you a better caretaker of others.

Merriam-Webster defines caretaker as “one that gives physical or emotional care and support.”. I looked up many other definitions from various dictionaries and not one definition reads “one that gives physical or emotional care and support only to others and not themselves.”.

communication, health and wellness, lifestyle, parenting, That girl in the red coat

Hindsight is 2020

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“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice.”. – T.S. Eliot.

Here we are. The first day of a new year. January 2021. I woke up this morning after sleeping through the night, a rarity this past year. I wandered into the kitchen, started the coffee maker, looked at the calendar with a sigh of relief, for 2020 was officially over. I ripped that sucker down and gently placed my new calendar in it’s place. Nothing quite like a new calendar, fresh paper and dates open to endless possibilities. As I went to throw out the old calendar, still in my “clean slate New Year’s morning bliss”, I was catapulted back to reality with a full garbage and dirty dishes all over the counter. … a reminder that the more things change, the more they stay the same, #momperks #wifeperks. I used to get so angry about that, an overflowing garbage can, dirty dishes piled up on the counter, now… not so much. Trust me when I say I still have my “I am the only one who see’s this?!” moments, they are becoming far and few between. Mostly I’ve taken to Instagram stories to get my vent on. I call them my “keeping it real” posts. There’s one today if you’re interested.

Anywho, back to the tale at hand. I don’t know about you, but wherever I turn, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, text, zoom, facetime, TikTok, you name it, there it is. You have the “fuck you 2020” posts or the “thank you 2020” posts. Today’s post is a little bit of both. You know me, it’s all about balance. Here in Ontario, we are into our second week of a lockdown. It began Boxing day. I am still working, as my store is deemed essential since we supply safety shoes, etc. We are open by appointment only for essential workers and curbside for anyone else. Let me tell you, selling shoes curbside is a trip, a trip to the Bermuda triangle. Grateful for my job, not so grateful for the ever changing policies and procedures. Balance.

This past year has taught me patience and how to let things go. It took 48 years on this planet and a global pandemic, but I finally learned patience and thanks to Elsa, and Snoop Dogg, I have a new personal anthem. (Google Snoop Dogg frozen… trust me, it’s awesome). Beginning in March, I had no say in my job, my hours, where I could go or what I could do or when or if I would have time alone in my own home. Shops were closed. Quarantine was in place. No hugs. No visits. Nada. So, I finally took my own advice that I spew out to all those I hold dear, and controlled the only thing I could, myself. When I started to feel the tightness in my shoulders and chest about having to get things done, I took a deep breath, or twenty, and let it go. I couldn’t visit friends, but I could drop off a goodie bag. Like nicky, nicky, nine door for adults. Ring the bell and run like hell. I couldn’t have my parents over for dinner, but I could go to the grocery store for them. I couldn’t celebrate life’s great and small achievements of those I hold dear and the special moments of their children, but I could send flowers, or an edible arrangement as an unexpected surprise. I’m a fixer, by nature, I just am. This past year has taught me that sometimes the best thing you can do to fix a situation is nothing. More often than not, listening is the best tool to fix any situation. My daughter and my husband like their solitude. It took me a long time to respect that and not take it personally… I’m a Leo, what can I say? This past year, instead of worrying that something was wrong, I took it upon myself to enjoy the quiet and allow myself some solitude too. … Oh yeah, I still peeked my head in my daughter’s room at least once a day with a typical “How ya doin?” mom tone, or a “Hey baby” from across the room to my hubby. Balance.

The biggest personal realization about 2020 that I’ve had? I’m a little full of shit. Yep. All those years I said “I don’t have time!”. Guess what, I did, and I do. I finally got around to all those things I “didn’t have time” for, like framing prints, organizing my kitchen, getting paperwork in order, cleaning the garage… all of the above only took 4 hours. Guess what sunshine, you did have time, you just believed you didn’t.

The toughest realization was and continues to be that not everyone sees injustice. 2020 brought some ugly truths to the forefront of our lives, unfortunately many refuse to see it. I for one see it and will continue to try to help others see it too. I will continue to say Black Lives Matter. I will continue to speak the names of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery and so many others. I will continue to share and speak of the injustice set upon the Native community. I will continue to share and speak of the inequality of those with disabilities, of women’s rights, human rights. I will continue to share and speak for those without a voice. I will continue to share uplifting news, motivational quotes from Oprah, Mel Robbins, Tank Good News and other personal favorites. I will continue to share music to feed your soul. For those who don’t agree with me, that’s okay. I get it. This is my journey. That is yours. I wish you safe travels. Balance.

The events of 2020 are to be remembered, not re-lived. We are more alike than different. We all deserve to be heard, to be seen, to matter. The actions of one can affect the lives of others, be it positive or negative. We may not all be in the same boat, we are all in the same ocean. Throw a life preserver when you can, and ask for one when you need one. Wear a mask. Seriously, wear a mask. At the end of the day, wouldn’t it feel great to know you that you may have saved a life. That you may have kept a roof over the head of a family because wearing a mask kept the breadwinner of that household healthy. That you thought of someone other than yourself. Trust me, it feels pretty damn good.

I came across a quote that fits me and this past year, “I’m mostly peace, love and light. … and a little go fuck yourself.”. Balance.