beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Hospital gowns and customer service

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Today’s tale is about customer service. It is also about taking a moment and paying attention. It is about being kind. Life is hard enough, why add more road blocks?

Picture this…You are at the hospital. You are waiting to have a routine upper G.I. procedure. A nurse and a nursing student come to get you to get your I.V. started to prep you for the procedure. You are fine with a student being present (would have been nice if you were asked if you were comfortable with it).You are a little nervous since the last time you were at the hospital you had a heart attack and the pain you have been having for the last 9 months feels just like your heart attack did. The nurse looks at your hand and tells you your veins are horrible ( uh…yeah…you have been fasting over 12 hours), then puts the I.V. in (first try…bad veins…uh huh) and blood goes everywhere. She begins to ridicule you “why didn’t you tell me about your heart meds?” (all the info. was on the chart she initialed right before she began your  I.V.), then proceeds to ask if you took all your heart meds that day and you tell her no and she asks you why with a tone courtesy of Nurse Ratched and you find yourself looking for Jack Nicholson. You politely point out that on the form she just initialed that you take two doses a day of certain medications, one in the evening, one in the morning. She asks if you had a stent put in. You tell her no. She doesn’t believe you, because everyone gets a stent. (unless the artery was too small to fit a stent – hence the cause of the heart attack). Then she looks at your hand as she is wiping away the blood and see’s a mole that you have had all your life. “You better get that looked at…doesn’t look good…”. Then you are told you can go back to your seat and wait. So, you began your day thinking you just have a little tummy trouble or acid reflux and now you think you are stupid, have terrible circulation and bad veins and probably have skin cancer. The patient was my husband and Florence Nightinggale just turned over in her grave.

Yes, my husband was a patient, not a customer, but the lack of service he received was embarrassing. If I acted that way with my customers or the Salon’s clients, I would be out of a job. We are given two ears and one mouth for a reason – to listen twice as much as we speak.

When I have a customer come into the shop with a questionable scalp condition, I don’t look at them and say “Your scalp is horrible. Looks cancerous. Better get that checked!”, or run and get my stylists to come out and gawk. Wanna know why? One – that’s rude. Two – I am not a skin specialist. Trust me, be it a health issue or a scalp condition, people know what they are going through, they know what they have, they do not need to have it pointed out to them or shoved down their throat. What I do is this;

– I ask if they mind if I ask a few personal questions

– if the answer is no – I ask about the products they are currently using, if this happens only when the seasons change, if they are on any medications ( some medications affect hair/skin/nails), or if this is something they have always dealt with.

– if I need to get one of my stylists to take a look, I ask their permission first.

– I never blame them. I never make them feel like I don’t believe a word they are saying. Sometimes you don’t get the right answer because you didn’t ask the right question.

– I sell them the product that may help with the issue. The Nioxin line has helped many people with mild scalp irritations, Joico’s Daily Care Treatment Shampoo is quite nice, and Smart Solutions Problem Hair and Scalp Shampoo is terrific. I tell them to give it a week or two, explain how to use the product, and tell them if it doesn’t seem to helping, maybe give the Doc. a call.

If you are a Stylist, Doctor, Nurse, Teacher be kind. Pay attention. If you make a mistake, admit it, apologize. Read something wrong? Don’t blame the other person, admit it, apologize. Don’t know about something? Don’t belittle the other person and treat them like they are the stupid one, admit that you don’t know and get yourself informed. (pssst…there are these things that are big and rectangular in shape called encyclopedia’s and dictionary’s – or Google for our techies).

Be kind. Treat others as you want to be treated. Plain and simple.

beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Sunday Confession

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Today’s tale is for the young ladies and the mother’s out there. Today’s tale is also a personal one. It is a confession of sorts. I am not in a church, I am not catholic, not a priest’s profile through a screen to be seen (I think it’s a screen, like I said, I am not catholic.).

As you know, I am  a manager of a Salon/Retail shop. Want to know something funny about that? For most of my life I thought I was ugly. Yep, my career and passion is in the beauty biz and I used to be the girl who thought I was too ugly to get my picture taken, thought I was too ugly to go to my neighborhood’s block party when I was 14, I thought I was too fat to go to the clubs with my girlfriends – something only I knew. I did everything in my power to hide this fact from everyone. I look back at the pictures I allowed myself to be in and I want to give myself a shake. I was pretty. I was not fat. I actually had a nice ass, not a fat ass like a lovely girl pointed out in grade 10.

Everyday, yes, I am sad to say, I hear young girls say the most horrible things about themselves, or worse, I hear the mother of the young girl say horrible things about her daughter, in front of her daughter.  I am not an expert by any means, I am a woman who wasted many years and missed out on many things all over my lack of self esteem and because I listened to the wrong people and didn’t listen to myself. I wanted to share this tale in hope that a  young girl will read it and realize how awesome she really is. I am a mother of a 16 year old daughter and I hear and see what she goes through, and what her lovely friends go through, so, being me I have compiled a list, a go to list if you will, for those days that are just too much.

– when you get a pixie cut, some people are going to tell you that you look like a boy. You don’t. You look awesome, they just don’t have the guts to be themselves and try something new.

– your oily scalp will go away. It’s hormonal. To help get through this unfortunate phase, a dry shampoo like Joico’s Instant Refresh, Quantum’s Refresher or KMS HAIR PLAY Make Over Spray is an awesome tool to have on hand. Just spray it on your scalp, rub it in and VOILA! Not a oily strand to be seen.

– people who tell you that you are fat are just being assholes. Plain and simple.

– if you are 15 or 40, I am sorry to say, there will always be someone out there that will say something nasty, especially when you are happy. It’s not personal, you just happened to be the nearest target for them to spew their venom at. Trust me, they would yell at Jesus Christ  himself that he wasn’t making the water into wine fast enough.

– if you want to try being a blonde for a while, go for it – AT THE SALON. Do not attempt to do this on your own – it is not nice and easy. It’s not.

– before you judge your mother too harshly, take a look at her relationship with her mother. Sometimes mother’s just don’t know any better. You can’t change it, you can only change how you decide to let it affect you.

– your mom was just as insecure as you are right now. She may still be as insecure as you. To all the mother’s out there, the jig is up. We can’t guide our daughter’s if we are lost ourselves.

– when a friend is being nasty, take a breath and think, will this person be in my life 6 months from now? If the answer is yes, be patient and try to find out what the problem is. If the answer is no, Adios amigo.

– if you are dating a boy who says nasty things to you – DUMP HIM! You can’t fix him.

– your BFF is wonderful, she is also the same age as you, so she can’t help you as much as a counselor or a doctor if you are dealing with an abusive situation at home or have questions about sex. *by the way – jumping up and down after sex will not keep you from getting pregnant. – Yep…2013 and people are still saying that.

– everyone feels the same way you do. EVERYONE. From the head cheerleader to the tuba player in the school band. Some of them just hide it better.

– although it may feel like it, not everyone is looking at you. Sorry to break the news to you, sometimes it isn’t all about you. I know right?! This revelation was a shocker for me too.

– when someone has hurt your feelings, try not to let it control your life. More times than not, they don’t even realize nor care that your feelings are hurt. They are going on with their day without giving you or their words a second thought. Don’t let them live rent free in your head.

It is okay to be yourself. It may get a little scary. You may find certain people distancing themselves from you, and that is okay. They are making room for all the awesome people trying to get into your life, to raise you up, help you see your beauty, to help you be yourself, to help you be happy.

beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Raising the bar?

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When I was a child, I was the kid who would fight the bully. Not for myself, for my friend, or for the kid being punched, kicked, tripped, be given a wedgie or shoved into a locker. Boy or girl, if you were the bully, sooner or later, we would go toe to toe. Whenever I saw someone being bullied I would get fired up and want to stop it.

Everyday, I am sad to say, I see at least one woman being ugly. Ugly to herself, her child, her stylist or to me. Gossiping about the woman who just left, pointing at her daughter’s oily scalp, teasing her 15 year old son that he must be a girl under all that muscle because he likes his favorite hair gel, or pointing at my (faded) thyroidectomy scar and saying “don’t you want to cover that with a necklace or something?”. It’s time like these that, for a split second, in my minds eye, I am back in the school yard and am about to go toe to toe with the bully.

A few days ago, I read something I found to be pretty ugly.(I try to stay off of the soapbox but couldn’t shake this one.). A well known website with a huge following, aimed at women, empowering women and giving them a voice and a forum, tweeted how they were “going to ask someone to work with them, until they read their Twitter stream.”. You see, they didn’t agree with the opinions/expletives expressed on this person’s Twitter stream. Before you get all “freedom of speech” and “everyone is entitled to their opinion”, calm the hell down and let me explain. For a site that stands for empowering women – how is gossiping empowering? Yes, gossiping. Yeah, I said it.

Think about it, how is tweeting “was gonna choose someone until I read their twitter stream” any different than telling everyone but your stylist that you hate your new color? There is no difference. If you have a problem/issue with someone, speak to them directly. I would not have agreed, but I could have respected them if they had named said “offender”. How many women read that tweet and began to doubt themselves? How many women read that tweet and thought they needed to edit themselves to be accepted into the inner circle of this website that is for women and mothers? How the hell is that empowering? As women, we need to raise each other up, not push each other down. Generations of women fought for our equality, fought for us to have a voice, fought for us to have more options than housewife or secretary, fought for equality in the workplace, fought against the stigma that all women do is gossip and pick apart other women. Heading a company/website/twitter feed that is aimed at empowering women, you need to show some professionalism, and the above was anything but. If the aim was to help women watch what they tweet about and how they handle their twitter feed, they missed the mark. All it did was remind us of the high school cafeteria, being asked to sit at the cool kids table, only to have someone pull the chair out from under us.

I am 100% for free speech. I believe everyone is entitled to an opinion. I am a firm believer in being yourself, saying what you want and allowing others to say what they want. I do not think I need to agree with everyone nor like everyone, nor do they have to agree with me or like me. What I am for is kindness. Plain and simple.

beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

I have seen the enemy and she is us.

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As I sit here, all that keeps coming to my minds eye are the Dove commercials. You know the ones. The commercials that tell us how girls will stop sports because of their body image…and then my mind’s eye flashes to the mothers and daughters who come into the shop and the mother speaks about the daughter like she isn’t even there. Yes, I agree that the media has a part to play in the self esteem issues of girls and young women, hell of women in general…but I think we are each other’s worst enemy. As Pogo stated “I have seen the enemy and he is us”. In this case, she is us.

Every day, I mean every damn day a woman comes in to the shop and says things like “Oh…I’m too stupid to do my hair”, “I need big hair so people don’t see my big ass”, “Her hair is so greasy it looks like an oil slick” – this coming from a mother talking about her daughter who is right beside her. Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe you are so upset right now and say such things because you are doing what people expect of you instead of what you want to do? Maybe you are being nasty instead of supportive of your best friend’s new hair color because she has the guts to do what she likes instead of what her mother/husband tells her would look good. As for our daughters, ladies, be kind. There is no excuse, none, for a grown woman to pick apart a young girl’s oily scalp or oily complexion. Especially in public, that is just cruel, plain and simple. By the way, that doesn’t fly in my shop. I will always side with the young lady who is being bullied by her mother. That’s right. I said bullied. To be clear – literally pointing your finger and pointing out pimples and oily scalp = mean. Quietly asking for advice to help get rid of oily scalp while arm is around daughter’s shoulder = kind.

It is time to stop being so damn mean and so damn afraid. That’s right, afraid. Dig through meanness and you will find fear. If you are over the age of 21, it is time to stop being afraid of what your mother is going to think. Maybe your mother didn’t know any better, but we do and as Maya Angelou said “when you know better, you do better”. It’s time to do better, to each other and to the young ladies behind us. Ladies, if your best friend goes blonde, she did it for her, not to steal your husband. Your daughter dyed her hair black because she thought it would be cool, not because she is joining a cult. If you like to do your hair and makeup, it does not make you a shallow person or a bad mother. Stop being afraid of what people are going to think or say. Like I always say, people are going to talk no matter what you do so why not really give ’em something to talk about.

It is time to make the room change when we enter it instead of blending into the furnishings.

beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, writing

No, it won’t run itself

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You hear the chatter, you hear the laughter, you hear the hum of the blow dryer, you smell the aroma of fresh coffee brewing mixed with the scent of hairspray, you are at the Salon. The place where we come to renew ourselves, treat ourselves to some “me time”, to share our woes and our celebrations. Yes, the Salon is a wonderful place to be. Not only can it change a person’s hairstyle or color, it can change their perspective, even change their life.        It is a great business to be a part of. Yes, a business – from time to time, something that Salon managers/owners forget.

I deal with over ten reps. from different distributor’s and each time I see them we always end up having the same conversation…Salon manager/owners;

1)  not ordering retail product.

2) no rhyme or reason to staff attire/behaviour.

3) not having their orders prepared.

Always to be followed up with the same complaints from the Salon manager/owner’s – business is slow, they have “no idea” about how to make their staff behave, and have no idea what they need for the Salon.

Ladies and gents, I know beauty is fun and exciting and you always dreamed of owning a Salon and changing people’s lives. Guess what? It is also a business and it takes work, and effort, and time, and attention. When taken care of and done properly, it can  be awesome and not even feel like work. When not taken care of and everything put on the back burner, it’s gonna feel like you are on the chain gang. If your Salon is struggling and your staff isn’t performing up to par, as a Salon manager/owner, well, it’s your fault. Yeah, I said it. I am a manager of a Salon/shop and when something isn’t going right, I look at what I am doing first. (…not my favorite thing to do, admit a wrong…but this is what I signed up for). I lead by example,I am fair, but firm. I do not ask anything of my staff I would not do myself, from sweeping the floor to washing a baseboard = fair. If you show up late for a shift, you are getting a verbal warning = firm. Hey – as managers/owners this is what we signed up for. As managers/owners, we cannot be the “friend”. Yes, we can be friendly, yes a friendship may bloom after years of working together, but at the end of the day, we are the manager/owner, not the friend. If  you want to be the “friend”, you may want to rethink your position.

Salons, as all businesses, need structure, process, leadership. Your staff needs to know the ground rules, where the line in the sand is drawn,so that they aren’t always wondering what is going to happen next. They need to know that their manager/owner is taking care of the orders so they know if there will be enough color for their clients this weekend. When a Salon has structure it will blossom, because your staff only has one thing to think of, their client in their chair and the customer walking through the door.

– Staff meetings are a must, for salons with two or ten stylists. A meeting people – not a gossip fest about the newest juiciest news about your last client or a whine fest about someone not washing the towels enough.

– A staff manual is always an awesome idea. Oh calm down…It doesn’t have to be a novel. A few pages outlining the salon’s procedures for client care, the cash register, reception, pre-booking, retail sales & commissions, opening/closing procedures and dress code. Make two copies, one for the employee and one for their file. Have the employee sign both copies, for two reasons;

1) an understanding of what is expected of them and of the Salon

2) by chance, for example, the dress code is not being followed, you can show them that you know they know what is expected of the dress code…since they read and signed it. (if it happens again, now you know you have a problem). * As the manager/owner – we MUST follow dress code, at all times. Lead by example.

As managers/owners, we MUST know our inventory. We need to know how much stock we need, from color to gloves to coffee for the clients to disinfectant for the tools. There are many awesome Salon management programs out there. At our shop we use SAM by Milano and it is awesome, especially for retail. All you need is your clients name and number ( and you already have that) and this gem tracks all their purchases. An AWESOME tool for retail – in case of package changes or you can’t remember the last hairspray they bought, it’s there in their file.

You have to do the work. You need to be present and professional. A Salon will not run itself but with the right procedures in place, respect for your staff and clientele, it will begin to feel like it.

beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

What road are you taking?

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Been sitting here staring at the screen, then I begin to type, then I hit delete, then stare at the screen once again. This is what happens to me when I am holding back. When I worry about other’s opinions of what I am about to write. As I was hitting delete for the twentieth time, I had one of my LIGHTBULB! moments.

This is what woman do in the Salon, everyday. We show them the color swatch book, they gaze adoringly at the red hair swatch, they say “Lets do it!”, then they look around at the other women in the Salon and with a shaking hand and voice to match they say “Ummm, ahh, maybe I should take a look again”. We hand the color swatch book back to them, they flip back to the browns, sigh, and then say “better stick to the usual…what would people think?”.

If you are familiar with my blog, you know I am a firm believer of being your own person, doing what you want and the hell with what others think. Yeah, yeah, I know…I started off today’s tale worrying about the thoughts of others. Give a girl a break would ya? I am a work in progress…and see, I am writing about what I want. Now, back to the tale at hand.

As women (sometimes the gents, but mostly it’s the ladies), we worry far too much about other’s opinions of our hair to our child rearing. Everyday I meet a woman who has a hairstyle she didn’t want, thinks she is too fat to go to the gym, has a hair color she detests, or is buying a product that she hates the smell of. The reason? It’s always the same…fear of what people will think. Don’t get me wrong…no judgment here. I have been that woman, and from time to time I have to keep that old girl at bay. I have had haircuts that made me cry. Hell, forget the gym, at one point I thought I was too fat to walk around the block. I have had hair color that, lets just say, was not me. I have used products that reminded me of a skunk in heat. All because of fear of the opinion’s of others, or fear of upsetting the apple cart.

In the big scheme of life and all it’s mysteries I may not know much, but I know this. It isn’t all about you (hardest pill for yours truly to swallow) and all that matters is YOUR OPINION. Oh…and screw them. Yeah, I said it. Now I have the hair style I want, I no longer think I am too fat to walk around the block, hell, I don’t think I am fat at all. I LOVE my hair color…blonde with dark underneath (so when my  roots show it looks like it’s on purpose…smoke and mirrors my friends…smoke and mirrors) and all my hair products remind me of the beach and the spring. Oh, believe me, I am still told that I should change my hairstyle, usually by someone who hated their own hair. I am told that I could still stand to lose a few, usually by someone who is trying to be skinny for their spouse, instead of being healthy and fit and supporting her husband’s dietary restrictions like yours truly. I am told that my blonde looks fake…well duh…my roots are dark… and I am constantly being told there is something else I should be using for my hair, usually by a rep. trying to bring in a new line,(which is excusable…they are just trying to do their job.).

Don’t get me wrong. It’s a tough road. It’s also one hell of a high road most days, so high I need to strap on an oxygen mask, but it is the road I would choose over any other. It is the road to personal redemption, to happiness, to wanting to look in the mirror at your reflection and liking who is looking back at you, the woman with the rockin’ hairstyle and awesome color.

beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Go ahead…pull the other one

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We’ve all seen the commercials. We’ve all seen the ads. We’ve all gone out and bought it and hid it in a brown paper bag. We’ve all done it. I’m speaking of box color from the drugstore…what did you think I was talking about?

Here’s the deal. Box color happens. You know. I know it. You want to do your own color because it makes you feel like you have become kindred spirits with the Hollywood spokesperson by using that product, power to you. That being said – when you decide to have your hair colored with professional Salon color – don’t deny that you used the box color. Here are the reasons why;

– more often than not, a stylist can spot  a bottle job at 100 paces.

– don’t even get me started about arguing that the box said “professional quality”. If there wasn’t a Salon within two feet of you and a stylist was mixing the color – it ain’t professional.

– lying about using box color makes you sound like, well, a thirteen year old girl who is afraid of her mommy.

– no one is born with natural white blonde and orange streaks.

– Box color and Salon color don’t always mix. It is possible for a chemical reaction to take place and your hair can start to resemble Carrot Top or Kermit the Frog.

– in some cases, the hair can begin to break off. Yes, I said break off. I have seen it. It wasn’t pretty.

– last but not least, how could you do that to your kindred spirit? What kind of friend are you?

Why people choose to lie about using box color is beyond me and I don’t know why they try to lie to me about it. I had Mrs. Spencer, my grade two teacher believing we had two foster babies at our house and I was too busy helping my mother to be able to finish my spelling homework. I had that gig going for 3 weeks until the day my mother brought my spelling book to school because I forgot it at home. Long story short..the jig was up, the room spun a little and I had extra spelling homework for weeks. The point of sharing that tale…(pardon my french), you can’t bullshit a bullshitter. I know you used box color. You know you used box color. Admit it. Own it. Move on.

To be honest, it isn’t so much the color of your hair that gives away the fact you used box color, it is the look on your face when asked the question. The look in question is a mixture of a deer caught in the headlights mixed with a child being caught with their hand in the cookie jar. No matter the age or gender – the same look crosses the face of the person who is asked “Have you used box color on your hair?”. Jesus…it’s not like you were asked if you shoot heroine or if you knew all along where Bin Laden was. We just need to know what is on your hair so we can be sure you leave with the color you want. It’s really not that big of a deal. No judgement…well, not at my Salon.

* IMPORTANT TIP* if your stylist does not ask you if your color is professional Salon color or box color – get up and leave. Run! Think about it…a true professional and someone who takes pride in their work wants to be sure you receive the best color and service. You are their best advertising.

beauty, Business, communication, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Just leave it at the door

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I have been in the customer service gig for over twenty years, from being a waitress to a manager and everything in between. So believe me when I tell you, I know the frustration of working with the public. Hell, it’s not good genes that give me my full bottom lip…I got that baby from all the times I had to bite my lip to stop myself from saying what I was thinking about a customer’s behavior. From a temper tantrum over  OPI Lincoln Park after Dark being on back order to a mother mocking her teen daughter’s oily scalp to a flat iron being thrown at my head…I have heard,seen and felt it all. Quite honestly, it is getting a little old and tiresome. I have to leave it at the door, I think everyone should as well.

For those of you wondering what the hell I am talking about, let me explain. In the customer service circles, “Leave it at the door” means just that. Whatever personal issues you are having, be it a sick child, a boyfriend who gives the joystick more attention than you (pun definitely intended), or your undies are bunching up – leave them at the door and pick ’em back up at the end of your work day. In other words – to quote Melvin Udall “sell your crazy somewhere else…we’re all stocked up here”. (you know…Jack Nicholson… As good as it gets…sigh). Life gets in the way, all the time. Leave it at the door.

I understand, trust me, how difficult it can be to “leave it at the door”. In one week I had my husband and my father have a heart attack as my daughter was in the throws of beginning high school. Guess what?!? Still had to put on a happy face and be polite. Still had to do my job and help our customers and clients. First of all – that is what you call being a professional. Second, that is called being an adult. Third and most important, using my husband’s or father’s health as an excuse to act like an ass would make me, well, an ass.

What brought on this tale today you ask? Well, let me tell ya, I ran into someone who didn’t leave it at the door, and quite honestly, it pissed me off. There I was, in line at my local grocery store. I have been a cashier in my youth, so I know what a joy that job can be, so I always make a point of being nice. The elderly gentleman in front of me was buying a jug of water and was paying with change. Well, Goldilocks (she had blonde hair), sure didn’t appreciate that. I heard so many sighs I was waiting for a parental advisory to come across the scanner. After the gentleman finished his count, she reached for the receipt and stared me down. Alrighty then. I get up to the cash and say hello to which she barks without eye contact “Need a bag?!?”. Funny, she had no problem with eye contact a few seconds ago… . “No, I brought one thank you.” to which she grunted and began to pile my groceries, on top of said bag. So, I dug threw my bread and berries, got the bag and began to pack it myself. She finished ringing in my groceries, then stared at me. Wow! Eye contact restored. So, I looked at the monitor, saw my total and asked her “so the total is $41.40?” to which she quipped “Yeah.”. I give her my money, she gives me back my change, on the counter as my hand is open and out, and turns back to the next customer (god be with him). I wish her a good night and receive no response. This is when my 10 year old self popped up and I found myself saying “HEY! I said to have a good night.”. She turned, stared and stuttered out “have a good night”. “Thank you, see you again.” is what I left her with. Now, I admit, not one of my finest moments. Hopefully it made her realize she was being an ass and maybe, just maybe she would be nicer to her next customer. Maybe, just maybe, tomorrow she will leave it at the door.

When it feels like life is kicking you in the crotch, why give it more of an excuse to get a few more blows in? If you are being miserable, you are gonna get misery given back to you. If you are being an ass, you are gonna get an asshole convention showing up all damn day. Just leave it at the door, and maybe, just maybe, on your way out the door at the end of the day, the wind will have blown it away.

beauty, Business, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

Do no harm…but take no shit

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My title for today’s tale is a quote I came across a few weeks ago, and has become a little mantra of mine. As of late, I have been seeing and hearing many things that are ugly. I don’t mean the Pajama pant/Louis Vuitton ensembles at the local market (although the look is a little gag worthy). I am talking about how people are treating each other, talking to and about each other. People taking advantage of other’s concern, compassion and kindness. It pisses me off to no end.

As you all know, I manage a retail shop/salon, so I am privy to many a conversation. I see women say to another woman’s face “You look terrific!” and the minute she leaves the shop they turn and say to whomever is in their radar (usually lucky me) “wow…what happened there?”. “You forgot to take your meds?!” is what I want to desperately say. Alas, I strap on my oxygen mask, take the high road and answer with “I don’t know what you are talking about. I thought you said she looked terrific.”. – this usually stumps them, they stare at me for a minute and before they have a second to spew another ugly remark I wish them a great day, and move on to my tasks at hand, be it inventory, helping a customer or simply walking away – hence….do no harm, but take no shit.

One of the saddest events I have witnessed is watching someone be ignored. Their stories dismissed, like a flyer handed to you on the street, or worse, not even being an after thought. There is nothing more hurtful than when someone asks how your day was and as you begin to tell them, they stare off into space, or better yet, look at their phone and then look up at you and say “What?!”. (come on…we have all done it at least once…lets hope it was just once.).

There seems to be a HUGE misunderstanding out there, that to be kind means you must be a doormat. To be kind you must be all “a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down”. That to be kind you must smile and be polite and take anything that comes at you and put a Pollyanna spin on it. I am here to tell you that is not the case, nor should it ever be. As defined by the Oxford Dictionary… Kind – Gentle and considerate towards others. It is not defined –  allow yourself to be kicked in the crotch, take one for the team, allow yourself to be ignored or allow yourself to lower yourself so someone else won’t feel uncomfortable or jealous. Allowing someone to mistreat your kindness not only hurts you, it hurts them – not very gentle nor considerate. Before you begin to freak out about hurting them – let me explain. It hurts them because now they are resented and don’t even know it. Not too kind my friends…kinda makes you just like them. It isn’t pretty nor is it comfortable, but when someone is being an ass to you,and you see them as a vital part of your life six months down the road, ya gotta call them out on it…the ass throwing the flat iron, let her keep all that crazy to herself. Do no harm, but take no shit.

beauty, communication, Hair Care, health and wellness, Uncategorized, Women, writing

What is looking for you?

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As per usual, I sat down to to tell you all a tale of the newest addition to the Joico family of products, alas, it will have to be a tale for another time. It is Sunday morning in my corner of the world, the sun is shining, tulips from my garden are blooming on my kitchen table, a cool morning breeze is making the steam from my coffee glisten in the morning light and I am happy. I am…two words that I had, in all honesty, never appreciated their importance, until about a month ago.

I was surfing You Tube, after watching all the episodes (for the tenth time) of Comedians in cars getting coffee with Jerry Seinfeld, I started searching all the Oprah’s Master Class episodes and came across her Life Class with Joel Osteen. (Yes, I know it is Sunday, and no I am not gonna ask you if you have found Jesus…first – that is none of my business, and second…I didn’t know he was lost.). Back to the tale at hand. “Whatever follows “I am” will come looking for you”. Can you say “LIGHT BULB!”. (I would say AHA! …but Oprah kinda owns that one.). Something else Joel said was “If you want to know what your life will look like in 5 years…listen to how you are speaking today.”. Yikes…in a good way. In my minds eye I flashed back to 2008, to myself, sitting on my bathroom floor, giving over to whatever forces may be…god, the universe, the smurfs…to help me let go of my fears and my insecurities and get me back to me. Back to present day, I am back in the business I love, I actually believe I am pretty, I no longer feel fat nor base my identity on my looks, I am stronger in all senses of the word, I am a writer, I took the leap and started my blog, I met Tabatha Coffey. I am pretty awesome, if I do say so myself…and I often do.

At the shop and in the Salon, I hear so many women, and men say “I am old”, “I am ugly”, “I am useless” and many other sad, lonely phrases. I never quite paid attention until I heard Joel’s take on the matter. As you know, my tales are about educating and enlightening us all about the world of beauty. My tales may not always be about how to apply Root Boost (before blow drying, separate your hair at the roots, spray the root boost directly at scalp, rub into roots, then blow dry…couldn’t help myself). Some of my tales will be to help you find the beauty within yourself, your family, the world. Beauty is out there, it is right beside you, it is in you, if you choose to see it, hear it, speak it.

Remember …whatever follows “I am” is gonna come looking for you…so the question is this…what is looking for you?